SRS Cant get over my fear!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Feb 4, 2009.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i am having alot of trouble with my self confidence especially when it comes to girls. there are girls that have liked me and i have always found a way to kill the attraction. there is one girl that is interested in me now but i am doing what i always do. i dont act and i avoid to be around her or get to know her better.
    she has called me alot and has been flirting with me alot the last week or so but i am just not escalating anything. I actually dont want to talk to her because i feel that she will find me boring and uninteresting. She even told me she likes to talk to me and that she likes me but i still believe thaat at some point she will find out that i am actually not interesting. I dont understand why i think like that and i know that this type of negativity is just making things worse.

    i should ask her out but the things is again that if she agrees then again my belief pops in that i will be boring and uninteresting

    these fears i just cant get over and its really pissing me off. i actually want to be in a relationship but i keep running in the opposite direction. i keep avoiding girls even when they like me. I dont ever initiate anything and i keep playing it safe. i dont know what i am looking for. I really need to get rid of my fears and beliefs that i am a boring uninteresting guy. i dont know if you guys have any suggestion or something that can help me...
     
  2. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Maybe you're gay?

    Seriously,
    are you more comfortable around men?
     
  3. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Wouldn't being more uncomfortable around women make sense for a straight guy? He's obviously nervous as hell about being around a girl who likes him. I know where you're coming from man, I've been there many times. All I can say to you is think how much you regret not acting the last times and it will just be the same again. I regret not asking a number of girls out, but I know it's tough.:hs: You could always just try hanging out with her and then joke how it's "like we're on a date" or something like that and gauge her reaction. I hope it works out!
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    or he might be subconsciously sabotaging relationships with girls because he likes guys :hsugh:
     
  5. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Maybe:greddy: It makes more sense to me that he's nervous because he likes them. If he didn't care he wouldn't feel nervous.
     
  6. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    yeah, I used to do this all the time. I pretty much ruined high school burning myself.
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Funny that you're so quick to see the POTENTIAL downside of this (she will find you uninteresting and boring) but you're completely oblivious to the POTENTIAL upside (that she will find you charming, interesting and perhaps even fun) or even another POTENTIAL outcome (that she only wants to get laid and really doesn't care about your personality).

    Here's the thing, you need to realize that all outcomes are potential at this early stage. You have no way of knowing how things will turn out. However, your original post makes it sound like you really do know how it's going to turn out. Hmm....why? Because you're simply following the same patterns as before.....so CHANGE THOSE OLD PATTERNS.
     
  8. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    :werd: me too.
     
  9. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well i have made some progress. we have been talking alot the last few days and i did ask her out a few days ago. she said no that she had work and was really busy. i thought she was making excuses but she actually wasnt and i actually ended up meeting her after work. we only hung out for about a half hour cause her parents kept calling.

    we just talked and i was kind of nervous. i didnt make a move and i wish i had. at the time. i thought i really blew it! but she called me up and was telling me that she wanted to spend more time but her parents are pretty strict.
    i am definitly trying to think positively and not think that i made the worst mistakes ever. i just gotta keep it cool.

    thanks for the advice people! and i am not gay lol.
     
  10. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I actually do this from time to time still. I was talking to a girl last year, things were going pretty smoothly for a week or two, then I let it slip that I used to do this self-sabotage bullshit in high school. She never spoke to me again, and I realized I did it again :rofl:


    :coold: when shit like this was common, I asked myself if I was gay, too. the answer was no, I'm just prone to slip up :mamoru:

    how'd you end up meeting up after her work? I'm probably the worst person to be saying this, but don't be so hellbent on making a move. especially this early. just sit back and enjoy the ride.
     
  11. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    You get all paranoid thinking, "What if I'm subconsciously fucking this up because I don't actually like girls" etc. Not helpful thoughts:rofl: I think I've realized that I just get really anxious when I feel I have a vested interest in something.
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I get into that funk. So what if you're not interesting? Some people like boring and bland. I don't try to be funny or interesting for that reason. It's not me. Some people find me boring while others have said that I'm the most interesting and exciting person they know.
     
  13. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    she said she wanted to see me so we hung out a little bit. we have been talking alot like 2 3 in the morning the last few days. she is usually the one to call me and i have hung out with her a few times in school. i did ask her again if she wanted to cath a movie just the two of us and she made up something but then called me up and talked to me the whole time. i dont know if she isnt comfortable or if i am goin about it the wrong way. i dont mind takin it slow but at the same time dont want it to go stale and lose interest.
     
  14. Motosaki2

    Motosaki2 Guest

    not to be an asshole but.... if you think you are boring and uninteresting, you probably are going to be boring and uninteresting. change your self image, it shouldn't be hard. very few people are truly boring, they just have different interests and triggers than other people do. the ones that chit chat and try to make conversation about things they clearly have no interest in as a desperate attempt to be social IMO are diseased and very, very boring. the quiet guy that doesn't say much until you mention something he is passionate about is not boring. so unless you go to work, come home and sit in a chair until its time to go to work again, you probably aren't as boring as you think. just take the chick out for christs sake
     
  15. jdm-cd5

    jdm-cd5 Guest

    :uh:

    he'd be more comfortable around women if he was gay.
     
  16. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    hmm..i have been talking to her and seeing her the past few days...and things have been interesting. i am to be honest so confused.. i met her again today and we ended up making out for a while. I did not know what i was doing at all.. i dont have any experience with this...after we got done making out she said we shouldnt do this.. that it was too early and that we are not dating...then before she left she kissed me again..i dont know if i did anything right or what...it felt kind of weird the whole thing. i am confused about this whole thing...
     

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