SRS Can't figure out who I am

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SolidRanger, Mar 20, 2009.

  1. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    OK I have this problem. When it comes to certain things I have a problem just being myself, because I'm worried about what people think.

    For example. Music. When it comes to music I like a large variety, but mostly I listen to obscure stuff that most people don't know. For example I like Nordic death metal bands, and Japanese rock music. However my friends fucking hate it, I can't have somebody ride with me in my car without them asking me to please shut off the "crap music".

    So more and more, I kind of assimilate, just for the sake of fitting in.

    Same thing goes for clothes. I go to college at a large university (20,000 students). Normally I like to look good and dress up. For example, a nice polo shirt, designer jeans, nice watch and nice leather boots. However, wearing that kind of stuff at school makes me feel seriously out of place. I'm already older than most of my class mates (23 year old sophmore) and I feel like I'm the Overdressed Older Guy since everyone is in hoodies, sweatpants, and sneakers. Alot of the hotter girls on campus dress up just for class (high heels, nice tops, etc) but I never see any guys do it other than me.

    So more and more I dress in that college casual attire like hoodies, and tshirts and stuff like that, which I really don't like wearing that much.

    So anymore I feel like I can't tell the difference between being myself, and being what I think everyone want's me to be, and the two are at conflict.

    Part of me really wants to just say "Fuck what people think, I'm gonna do my own thing" but at the same time part of me is saying "You don't want that hot chick to not like you because you listen to death metal".

    So I dunno what to do, anyone have any advice/insight/comments/criticisms?
     
  2. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    sounds like you need to find some self esteem
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: So because you dress well and like not so common music you can't figure out who you are?

    Seems like you know exactly who you are but are just insecure and feel you have to for some reason be exactly like everyone else.
     
  4. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Yeah I am insecure. I guess I'm just too concerned with trying to get everyone to like me. I'm a total whore for attention, I like to be friends with alot of people and really don't like settling for just a handleful of friends.

    I don't know. I want to not care about what people think, but at the same time I don't want to be some asshole who just does what he wants and has no friends because of it.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I like music that none of my friends like. What do I do? I go to the shows and listen to them on my own time. You can be yourself and compromise for friends you know.
     
  6. Divine Vengeance

    Divine Vengeance New Member

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    I get dressed properly when I go to class just because I'm not comfortable going out looking like I just fucked a hooker in the back of a trailer. Its a personal preference, and if people say shit about it, 99% of the time its because they feel self-conscious about looking like a slob.

    Most of my friends don't listen to the same genre of stuff I enjoy either. Don't be insecure because you think rappers are a bunch of talentless hacks and the people who follow them religiously are scatterbrained simpletons. If you end up being the driver a lot of the time, have one of your friends burn some CDs with music that might be more universally acceptable, or find a decent radio station.

    Don't think you need to be forced into liking what everyone else likes. A majority of the time, nobody really has any idea what they prefer and just goes with whats popular (and that goes for anything, clothes, movies, books, music, etc)
     
  7. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Very true I suppose. I've always been highly critical of Top 40 music being talentless and overrated. In high school I did my own thing, it wasn't really until I started school that this desire to assimilate started.

    I guess I'm just going to try and not care what people think.
     
  8. teep

    teep New Member

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    No one is going to think you're weird for wearing a polo and jeans. No girl is going to not like you because of your musical taste unless she's pretentious as fuck. Most everyone cares at least a little about what other people think. You don't have to have that "I don't give a fuck" apathetic attitude. Just learn to relax and be comfortable with yourself.
     
  9. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    No. I think you're not addressing the underlying issue if you adopt this position:

    If you care about what others think, you cannot "make" yourself not care because our minds don't work like that. What you need is to realize that you are not worrying about how others perceive you. You are worrying over what you perceive to be others' opinions of yourself. Understand that most of the ppl around you pay as much attention to what you wore today as you did today in your first class to the guy sitting two rows behind you six seats to your left.

    Judging by the kind of details that you felt pertinent in your first post, the most glaring oddity to this third party is the age detail; I think your consciousness of your appearance is rooted in your perception of your "skewed" age.
     
  10. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    NEVER change yourself for other people. Don't let a herd of sheep tell you how you should live your life.

    I live in a smaller city, listen to electronic music, and everyone can't understand why I like that 'shit'. I can't understand how they can't. Be proud of yourself: and take pride in the fact that you're an individual and not another sheep.
     
  11. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    You're right. People probably don't notice or care how I look for that matter. I should really just seek to please myself, and allow the people who appreciate that to be around me and not worry if there are people who don't dig me for being myself.

    As far as the age, I think the real thing isn't the number. I think the real self-consciousness comes from the fact that I am losing my hair, which I associate with my age because I still had a full head of hair when I was 18 or so, and now I really can't pull off a hairstyle other than just a short crop. It's not quite to the point where I should just start shaving but it's getting there.
     
  12. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    That's good advice. The apathetic "I don't give a fuck" attitude is really something I don't like, it just seems arrogant and full of shit. If you didn't have any concern about what people thought, than I'd probably be wearing a burlap sack.

    I feel alot better today, and decided to just be myself, wear what I want, and listen to what I wanted in my car, and I had a really good day. People were more talkative to me and girls were giving me looks, so I'm gonna try to keep this up.
     
  13. that is good and is the best thing you can do... be urself man, it is the only personality you have.
     
  14. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    :bowdown: NOW you're getting somewhere!

    I know this cute girl in lab. Great body, smart enough to be accepted into Harvard, MIT, SanFran, Columbia etc for their immunology graduate programs. Her bf? Thinning hair, EMT, would-be doctor, something like 5 years older than her.

    The kicker? They're deciding where to move for school next year together.

    Fuck it, man: its not about pleasing yourself or others, or going along with trends or against them. The point is determining/deciding on which part of your life you will ground yourself by. This paradigmatic shift will be more robust than any transient realization about who you're pleasing or not.

    For example, I ground myself on my research. I can talk to anybody with confidence and indifference because I am certain of my work, which reflects my knowledge, dedication and intelligence. The chick can be an international beauty queen or model (dated both), or the guy can be the CEO of Coca-cola (been there) or a prof at the top of his field (done that) and it won't matter, because I am grounded on a rock-solid core.

    So, what's your grounding attribute? What do you define yourself by? and :nono: its not hair.
     
  15. Ichinichi

    Ichinichi take dat blue pill

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    DAYYYYMN. One day in and he already pimpin dem hoes.

    As for "keeping it up", let go of the attitude that this is unnatural; you don't have to "keep up" with your breathing! You're behaving in a way that is natural!
     
  16. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    People can tell when you're sure of yourself. :)
     
  17. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    just remember not to overanalyze things. if you find yourself thinking about something for more than 10 minutes then you are most likely overanalyzing. try to also focus on yourself. what kind of clothes do you feel most yourself wearing. if the answer is a burlap sack then by all means wear that. until someone comes up to you and directly comments on your clothes or age, it is just your own head killing you :eek3:
     
  18. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    hehe I think I have it in me, it's just sometimes I feel lost and whatnot, so it really helps when people put me straight.
     
  19. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    You know what, I've never thought about that. Nobody has ever come up to me and commented on my clothes, its all alot of internal speculation.
     

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