SRS Can't decide what to do v. cheater

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Skeletor, Mar 17, 2007.

  1. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    I'm not seeing my gf right now but I still want to, and she's really depressed and still wants to be with me. Here is a timeline of what's happened between us, it's long but not hard to read... skim if you like:



    Summer 2002: She is 13, I'm 15 (year and a half difference... one grade difference).... we meet online... chat and just talk and stuff and we get e-crushes on each other. We talk on the phone a few times... never see each other... basically chat every day or a few times a week, both keep these crushes for almost a year. She lives a few towns away from the city and I never get to meet her because I had no way to get there.

    Summer 2003: I meet a girl who I like in real life... I tell my e-gf that I can't be with her.... then I end up getting with the RL girl, we have sex and do regular 16 year old stuff... I tell the old e-gf about the sex and stuff, it breaks her heart and all, but I don't realize this because I'm a stupid asshole 16 year old guy.

    January 2004: I've been broken up with the RL girl for a while, ask the old gf if she wants to meet up and go on a date in person. After some convincing, she says yes. We meet, she is the greatest person I've ever met. We hit it off and date happily for a year and a half, with no problems or anything.

    August 2005: a couple weeks after her birthday she breaks up with me... says she doesn't want to be in a relationship. I don't buy it, and am depressed over the whole thing for 5 months.

    January 2006: I am still sad over the breakup, to the point that I don't really think about anything else. Her friend talks to me, when i tell her how depressed I am, that she found somebody else... all they did was cuddle once I ask ex-gf about it and she denies it. I get back into talking to her and we end up gettin gback together, taking things slowly. By april or so it's back to serious mode but she's so busy with school that we only see each other once every couple weeks on average.


    September 2006: She starts really getting more into the relationship and we just get happier and happier together, after through much of the summer she was distant and not really into it. I'm actually being my real self around her for once because I'm really just the happiest I've ever been.


    January 2007: I'm so happy that I have no worries... so what do I do? I start worrying. I begin wondering again why she really broke up with me in 2005. Did she leave me for someone else like her friend said? I tell her I'm too paranoid to be in a relationship, whether or not she broke up with me for anybody else. She begs me to stay, so I stay because I'm weak, and without the evidence I didn't really want to risk losing such a great girl.


    March 2007: I've been fine until this day (5 days ago from this post), when I get paranoid again... I figure it's time to get some answers.... I reset her email password, originally to get her myspace password and see stuff on there.... I read her myspace messages and find that she's pretty flirtatious with some guys... I can't say I'm not the same way to a lot of girls on myspace and AIM etc... it's just fucking aroudn in teh internets...

    I'm bothered by it but nothing solid really, until I notice an old email in her inbox... from August 2006 (when we were back together). It's from the guy who was claimed to be with her for a bit when we were broken up. In it he was acting overly friendly and said some faggy shit like "muah"... then I check my gf's drafts, and she has a message saved from the same week or so writing him back, in which she calls HIM her "boyfriend" and acts all happy and flirty and shit. I'm absolutely devastated... I immediately call her up and tell her I'm going to pick her up to talk. She sounds really scared. I pick her up, confront her, she denies it, when I tell her that I saw the emails she says it was for 3 weeks, they only went on a couple dates, and they held hands and that's it. I checked the guys myspace, and he's a fanatic mormon weirdo... I honestly don't believe he would ever do anything with a girl, and I don't think my gf is lying to me (i can tell when she's lying, which is why I was paranoid the whole time... I just needed proof). She says that after talking to him and going on a couple dates, she realized she'd rather be with me.... and after that point that she told him so, is the point where our relationship really kicked into high gear and got a lot more fun and actually like a healthy relationship.






    Now here's my predicament: I should dump her for cheating out of principle, but since it was almost entirely an internet thing and didn't get serious at all, I don't know that I can. I know that it's wrong to get back with her, but honestly, I needed answers.... I picked her up a couple days after I told her off and we began talking. She was crying the whole time, I cried for a minute too. She sounded very honest telling me that she felt like shit when she did it and that she realized she would rather be with me. She has never been with anybody else as a boyfriend in any way up until that other guy, and she got curious. It's understandable, but still not forgiveable.


    Despite the fact that I can't forgive her for it, I feel like I can work past it. It may end up coming back to bite me in the ass in the future, but I'm confident she will never do this again, and any time I'm around her I don't want to leave. I've wanted to marry this girl since I was a kid (still am of course.. turning 20 on monday :eek3: ), and I still do. She isn't perfect in my eyes anymore, but I'm not perfect either.



    I'm going outo n a few datess in the next couple weeks that I've already arranged... Hope doing this will help me be less confused about what to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2007
  2. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    anyways... point is... I know I should leave her based on logic and principle.... but I honestly love her so much that I don't feel right leaving over something like a couple dates... She stuck with me and I mean, if I've been her only real boyfriend up until 18 years old, I'm not surprised she wanted to test waters elsewhere. If this makes her bond to me stronger, then I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing. But it is a bad thing because if she's willing to do it once, she may be able to do it again in the future.



    I just really don't know what to do... My emotions all say stick with her but logic and reason tell me to dump her. Both emotions and my observations tell me she won't do it again because she appreciates me fully now after we bonded more and more over the last months.... Man I don't know, I could go on and on about this forever... I guess I just need to give it time. I'm 100% sure all of you will tell me to leave her, but I honestly just don't want to.
     
  3. mack1o

    mack1o Guest

    so what's your question?
     
  4. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    i don't have one... I guess I just had to lay shit out in writing so I could see it more clearly. Whatever you guys tell me to do isn't gonna make me feel any stronger about whichever decision I make... I need to make it based on how I feel. I am, however, interested in seeing what people would think of a guy who takes his girl back after she did this to him. It's not like she fucked anybody and it's not like I caught her in the act, it was in the past...




    edit: I'm not making excuses for her, I'm really just making them for the side of me that wants to look beyond this shit and just be happy with her, if at all possible (even if it won't work out, the part of me wants to give it a try anyway, simply because I want to spend as much time with her as I possibly can).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2007
  5. mack1o

    mack1o Guest

    good luck dude
     
  6. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Ouch.... You know maybe you are blowing something small out of proportion? Some women will keep something from you in fear it will hurt you. They don't want to start an arguement, or cause tension. She fucked up granted, but that was a long time ago that this happened. I know you are insecure with where you are right now, but the evidence you found is history. If thats all she's done then that shows she chose you. Maybe keeping those e-mails is a reminder to her.This is all speculation, but see how easy it is to blow something small out of proportion?

    I could also not be seeing the whole picture too.
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I think you should end it but not only because of the cheating. You need to because you are only 20 years old and you've both pretty much only been with each other. Don't waste your whole young life stuck in a relationship. You both need to experience other people/relationships before you can consider marrying each other. It's easy to think you want to marry her when you have nothing else to compare it to. If you are truly "meant to be together" then you'll get back together later in life.
     
  8. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    one thing to keep in mind is, until there's a ring on her finger, she's able to date other people. Unless she starts fucking around, you cant really complain, its all part of the dating game.

    She'd be doing herself a disservice if she limited herself to the first guy whocame along, instead of making sure she was with the guy she wanted to be with
     
  9. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    helpful advice guys.
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :dunno: just remember, ultimately, dating is about finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. How are you going to know that she's the one you do, until you have a frame of reference and comparison?
     
  11. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    absolutely... but at the same time... my friend base is limited at the moment...



    all the girls I'm planning on going on "dates" with are friends who I'm really not interested in that way... they don't see me like that and honestly even though they're attractive, I can't really stand their personalities on the level that is necessary for a relationship to work.


    So i don't see what's wrong with, at least for now, trying to keep this relationship going until I feel like it's time to move on or rather if I feel like there's better people out there for me.




    I absolutely see where you're coming from with this though.
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :ugh: Yes, you can complain. Being in a relationship with someone means that you do not date/fuck around with other people. If you want to do that then do not tell a person you want to be in a relationship with them.
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You'll meet many more people in your life. Aren't you going to college or working? Don't think of just the people you know, there are millions more people in the world that you haven't met yet who are potential partners.

    If you are leading her on to believe that you want to be with her forever then there is something wrong with that. The longer you stay with her, the harder it will be to end it in the future.
     
  14. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    This is true too. I go to community college and everybody there is unsocial and goes straight to/from work. There's hardly anybody my age in my current classes and I don't meet hcicks I'm interested in there in general. I'm transferring to state college in the fall though, which is when I expect I'll be meeting a lot more girls my age who are available. The women at the place I work are all older than me and already have degrees and work full time.... There's one girl who's only 23 who I find really cute and she seems like a fun chick... I've been trying to get to know her, but the age difference plus the fact she lives quite a ways away will undoubtedly lead to no cigar.



    And I agree about there being something wrong with people dating someone else while already being in a relationship.... but the simple fact of the matter is that I really believe she didn't even kiss the guy much less do anything else, so I can get past it. No I'm not leading her on. If I never had intentions of being with her forever then I wouldn't bother putting this much pain and effort into the relationship... but then again, she says the same thing, and both of us are young enough to actually believe that BS. We will not make it that long, guaranteed, but why not enjoy the thought while we can? I really believe it because that is how I feel now... I'm just smart enough to know that people's feelings change, especially when around this time in life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2007
  15. ImNoSnowWhite

    ImNoSnowWhite New Member

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    i didnt read a lot of the other replies but here is my bit for you. i know it is cheesy and completly hallmark but you have to follow your heart. NO ONE is perfect. if you love her like you say you do then there should be no problem. forgiveness isnt instant. you are young...but my husband and i have been together since we were 18. we are now 27. relationships are hard as fuck but if you love and respect each other, it all comes together. hope that makes some sort of sense. good luck
     
  16. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :dunno: dont go out with them if you arent interested
     
  17. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    then why dont you marry that person right away then? why be in a 'relationship'?
     
  18. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    :bowdown: thanks for the insight
     
  19. ImNoSnowWhite

    ImNoSnowWhite New Member

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    not a problem. relationships arent easy...nothin worth fighting for is easy.
     

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