SRS Can't decide, need your opinion OT. *relationship*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by rice ahoy, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    ***Warning...ALOT to read***

    The story...

    I'm 25 and in a serious relationship with a 40 year old and she has a 5 year old. Been dating for 1 year 4 months. I got tired of her daughter disrespecting her almost everyday. Told her my frustration and lost my respect for her. Been giving her suggestions on how to not take it from a 5 year old turd but she still doesn't try and be a responsible parent. I could step in but why is it my responsibility to correct the mistakes of the mother and the lazy ex-husband?

    So here's where I'm stuck...
    Pros:
    1. I love her but I'm using my head to think things through
    2. We actually talk and have good conversations
    3. Our humor keeps our relationship young
    4. Sex is 8 out of 10
    5. She licks my balls good
    6. We've worked through alot of problems
    7. She understands my hobbies and respects them
    8. Never had a woman love me as much as she does
    9. She appreciates my affection and attention

    Cons:
    1. Not a strong minded person, had issues in her past
    2. She could be more open minded
    3. Not the smartest
    4. No strong talents and a bit clumsy
    5. Her age is showing
    6. Doubt having a family with her cuz of the age
    7. My parents will have a hard time accepting her
    8. Pointy elbows
    9. Her morals/discipline needs tweaking


    Yesterday after I walked away after lunch with her and did not say my "I love you" she wrote me a letter....

    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i112/riceahoy/img010.jpg (pg 1)
    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i112/riceahoy/img011.jpg (pg 2)
    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i112/riceahoy/img012.jpg (pg 3)
    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i112/riceahoy/img013.jpg (pg 4)
    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i112/riceahoy/img014.jpg (pg 5)

    Help me OT and I've already wasted my voice talking with friends and a few clients.
     
  2. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    pic of her
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  3. thisisforever

    thisisforever OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Messages:
    38,680
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    chi
    Seems like she's doing what a white woman would do, and you want her to do what an asian parent would do. :dunno:
     
  4. Showtime_III

    Showtime_III OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    Messages:
    10,852
    Likes Received:
    27
    Location:
    Atlanta
    if you love her, work that shit out
     
  5. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    good point, thanks
     
  6. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    i love her but i'm also thinking about my future
     
  7. Rev Happy

    Rev Happy Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2001
    Messages:
    70,146
    Likes Received:
    9
    You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly

    -Sam Keen
     
  8. Old91CivicGuy

    Old91CivicGuy I drive an audi station wagon and I still get pull

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2000
    Messages:
    5,025
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CHICAGO
    Look, you have a 15 year gap. Now, relationships....compromise and meeting of the minds. If the issue of her kid really bothers you, then it will always bother you. If you really think you can man up and be the father that she never had, so be it. Think about walking that kid down the aisle, her first boyfriend, paying for some expensive ass wedding, etc. Are you financially stable to take care of that kid? With that girl comes that kid. You might want to re-evaluate your pros and cons. Thinking is the hardest thing to do. Why? Because it's uncomfortable and may or may not cause you pain. But remember to be logical and cut the emo out of it.
     
  9. Showtime_III

    Showtime_III OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    Messages:
    10,852
    Likes Received:
    27
    Location:
    Atlanta
    you're future of what? having kids?

    anyway, i just power read through all 5 pages. and it sounds like she really cares about you.

    you're pros are great, and most of your cons are common in most women.

    dont let a good thing pass you buy
     
  10. Old91CivicGuy

    Old91CivicGuy I drive an audi station wagon and I still get pull

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2000
    Messages:
    5,025
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CHICAGO
    ....and here is another thought.....because there is a 15 year gap, you expect her to be a great parent. But you get a long with her because she lacks that maturity. Think about it. What if she was a good parent? What if she could control her kid. Do you think you two would have the same chemistry going on?
     
  11. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    i've thought of the things you said and still can't decide. i'm 25 but everybody that knows me thinks i'm very mature for my age so i'm staying strong and think things through. no emo here.
     
  12. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    :hsd: thanks

    i'm too much of a critic at times
     
  13. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    agreed 11ty billion %
     
  14. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA

    copy & paste into notepad
     
  15. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    thanks for all the good responses

    im gonna stop by her place and hold her to calm her down and i'll talk more to her. this is gonna be a long night and could go either way.
     
  16. jeepmanzj

    jeepmanzj Anyone But Obama OR Clinton 08, Jeep Crew, Car Cre

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2006
    Messages:
    5,420
    Likes Received:
    0
    try to work it out, her feelings are strong and she just wants validation from you, but dont turn into a bitch.
     
  17. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,129
    Likes Received:
    7
    I agree, it definitely sounds like she really cares about you.

    She just looks like a great woman dude, and those are impossible to come by nowadays.
     
  18. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation
    you mean the fact that shes 15 years your senior.... honestly. i dont understand how a guy can be that into an older chick for that long. you are really too young for her.... but you are the perfect boy-toy right now.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    I've dated older women before but at 10 years, that was enough for me. I can't imagine 15....but she's 40 huh?? So am I! :naughty: Help a brother out. :rofl: i kid...I kid.

    She does sound like she loves you a lot and you guys have a good thing going on. You however, seem to be focused on the grass being greener. I'm sure you've heard that phrase right??

    Well very often that greener grass that we see in the distance is just a different shade of crab.

    You're a sharp looking guy and can prolly easily find other women to date. But it's much harder to find someone that you connect with on many levels...one that just "gets" you. Don't be quick to toss that....even if it isn't perfect. I don't know anything that's perfect.

    My shrink used to say something like, "It's more important to LIKE the other person than to love them. Afterall, we're going to be spending a lot of time with them....it would be nice if we liked being with them." I couldn't agree more.

    Good luck man...she seems like a great woman.
     
  20. MrRyan

    MrRyan Gary Johnson 2016 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2002
    Messages:
    159,068
    Likes Received:
    195
    Location:
    Colorado Part Year Resident
    Hello Ashton Kutcher

    You've identified a behavior problem in the child, but you feel that the actions of the parent caused you to lose respect in her? Is the right answer to tell her you've lost respect in her in how she deals with her child? I'd say no. You have the right to address certain discipline issues with the child directly (upto an agreed upon point with your partner) - If you feel the child is disrespecting the mother from a male authority figure standpoint, you have the right to gently step in and inform the child of their transgressions. This is something that you should discuss before hand with the mother though and inform her of your intent.

    Even more so if you are being disrespected. If the child is disrespecting you, at no times should you feel the need to ask permission from the parent to address the issue directly with the child.

    It's not your responsibility to fix mistakes? - and I think that is the problem here - these are not previous mistakes. Growing up is a lifelong process. As witness to your partner, if she's 40 and you like her for her youthfulness (a good thing) maybe she's still growing up? Why is it that a 5yr old in your mind is acting out of old mistakes? When was this supposed parenting supposed to have occurred 2 years ago? You've been dating for nearly a year and half my man! If not at 5yrs of age, when are you going to man up and correct actions being taken in your presence? That child sees you as a non-issue right now...would a marriage change anything her eyes? I think not. Not saying you're going to marry this woman but, you can't just go from 0 to 100 in blink of a ceremony.

    Hillary Clinton (not that I like her much) says it takes a village to raise a child. This statement is correct. It's a community of adults taking action to give reproachful looks to the child misbehaving behind their parents back...it's the adult neighbor shutting down a wild party across the street. It's everything - taking time to give course adjustments to children and young adults who aren't in the presence of their parents. "Not my problem" and / or "not your problem" views in American Communities are a really big problem in my mind.

    "Yes, as a matter of fact...I can speak to your child that way. Your child was mis-behaving and I corrected it. I didn't punish, I corrected it. Punishment is your lane."

    Food for thought man.
     
  21. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2007
    Messages:
    29,840
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Random Location.FL
    Out


    In all seriousness, she is a good catch and something that is worth working with for someone in their mid 30's but you will need to think LONG and very hard about trying to take this further. She looks great for her age but in all seriousness, hardheadedness isnt something you want to deal with if it eats you as much as you make it seem. I feel your pain as I just got out of a 2 year relationship with a girl who I loved dearly but was a follower and a hard headed one at that. In the end, now that I am over my sorrows, I can see that it was for the better on my part. Me pushing her through college and me taking care of her for the rest of her life simply wouldnt be fair. Just as you pushing her to raise her daughter and pushing her to do things while you try and bridge a 15 year gap will be an uphill battle that may get old after a while.
     
  22. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Honestly? 25 and 40...just don't see it working out. Gets back to that whole "at different places in life" argument.

    She will really mellow out much sooner than you are. You're only 25...

    Sorry, just doesn't strike me as being that viable of a relationship. Especially since you are younger.
     
  23. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2007
    Messages:
    29,840
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Random Location.FL
    .

    She may have a few more years of ball licking wanna fuck all the time spirit in her but face it, she is going to hit metopause soon enough.
     
  24. Peyton Manning

    Peyton Manning I love your mom a whole, whole lot.

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    4,706
    Likes Received:
    0
    :werd:

    This is anecdotal evidence, but one of my friends married his gf not too long ago. He was 25; she was 40. It was great in the beginning, but things have changed quite a bit since then. Whatever you do, think things through and good luck.
     
  25. rice ahoy

    rice ahoy New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    2,788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    wow... i have alot more to read. i'm at work right now but i'll read the rest of the responses after work today.
     

Share This Page