SRS Can you give me some advice please... relationship/lack of relationships

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Daniel2k5, Jun 21, 2005.

  1. Daniel2k5

    Daniel2k5 Guest

    I'm new to the boards so let me lay down my situation:

    I'm 18 now and have been overweight most of my life. Along with being overweight I am pretty tall 6'2'' and being this size gave me full body stretchmarks... how fun...

    But really, I've had 5, maybe 6 years to deal with my body-image issues and I'm really okay with myself now! Which might be due to the fact that I've been losing weight over the past year: and have had a few girls tell me that I'm handsome etc. I shouldn't worry about stretchmarks/being overweight.

    Okay :) But now I have to realise that I've spent the majority of my life single and have little to no relationship experience... which is really a shame.

    I don't want to speak for other people but I'm totally eligible ... I'm not sore to the eyes, I can write/sing/play guitar/animate/draw/play tennis like a pro:

    But I haven't thought about myself in a positive light for a loooong time. And only now am I ready to have a girlfriend (ready and trying not to rush it).

    Here's my situation:

    Single and have the attention of a few girls: but only one of them is outright dying to be my girlfriend. She told me "Daniel your so sexy" on one occasion which was a first... she also hugged me and cried on my graduation day which I thought was really sweet... she says hi to me on every occasion (or did: I see her only at the store where I work now).

    Basically I can start a relationship with this girl and I'm considering it:

    But she is one of many and I just don't know if I should 'give myself' to her! It would make her very happy I know, and it would give me someone to spend time with/experience some real important 1sts,

    but I could and would like to wait for a girl I find more physically/socially attractive: and THAT is my problem.

    I feel like a total hypocrite and to be honest a jerk about it,
    just because I have had more attractive girls attention before I seem to have this mental block for going for less attractive girls...

    This isn't how I want to be but I can't help it. I really would like to get to know this girl and be her bf for a WHILE but I can't imagine myself settling and being as happy with her as I might with someone else...

    This is a long post I know so thanks for reading this far,
    if you can offer me any advice I'd really appreciate it.

    I'm basically a diamond in the rough kind of guy with alot to give, and I don't want to overwhelm this girl who is already crazy about me by starting a relationship with her...

    in the end if I have to breakup with her I will feel terrible. I just have this feeling that the time spent with her might be worth it.

    Thanks a ton in advance for any advice.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yes there are a few items that are really against you in this story.

    First, NEVER WAIT in your life, life is short and you are taking too much time
    Second, Love yourself and show you have a life of your own, independant of girls.
    Third, Never go into a relationship thinking it will work out just because it concerns you.

    Guys are the hunters, which basically means that men usually should take the initiative to make things happen. This means ACTION, and a get up n go attitude to weekly go out , not specifically to hunt for girls but to primairly have a great time,and staying out of trouble and checking out for girls is a good second.

    Whenever you meet a girl, there's always a win win situation when you introduce yourself, flirt with her and asking her out.

    This list will help you out. Its not absolute but its the outcome of a survey amongst girls about likes and dislikes

    Things I like in guys:
    Intelligence - dont have to be brilliant, but prefer a guy with enough intellegence to find blowing up condom balloons abit imature and just wrong...
    Humor - sarcastic or clean humor I often enjoy, and anyone that can make me smile I always have a tendency of liking.
    Uniqueness - someone with distinct qualities is always nice, cant really explain fully...
    Hygene - someone clean is definately good... nothing turns a person off worse than walking up to someone and being distracted from the person wondering what could be crawling through their hair or what that pungent smell is.
    Active - someone who has stuff to talk about is always fun, instead of standing around in a awkward silence.
    Personality - easy going/shy/strong willed/confident
    guys a year younger than me, same age as me, or a max of 2 years older than me I prefer.
    etc...

    Things I dislike/turn me away from:
    Guys that classify girls in two ways - "The hot chicks" and "The fat chicks" ...
    Guys that are just out for a sex hunt
    Guys that break promises
    Over religous/Convinced their thinking is the only right way for the world
    etc...

    This list hopefully gives you an insightfull idea, anyway in the horrible event that a girl says NO to you, be glad because you know you can move on with your life now, and if she says yes, you got a date. You will always survive the situation, so don't worry because hey if you don't shoot you will always miss, so always give it a try no matter how pathetic its always dating experience that you gain, you learn and at one point you will say those things that will make a girl want to stay with you forever.

    When the whole dating yadayada(and im talking about your long distance future here) and you are with a girl. Make sure you absolutely love this girl to death,want to be with her forever and (so to speak) would jump for her in the fire. Without Love everything is meaningless, that's important so remember that when it comes to marriage its a long term continues investment. To give eachother breathing room, in the sense of , 'being together, but still letting eachother be able to do their own thing' is vital to every marriage, and don't be scared when im talking marriage here, lol you are the decision maker and in time decide your own thing, don't waste time, but in certain events where needed take the time that is necessary to think carefully over the choises you make, as you DONT want to bump into any nasty suprises, you see a woman can grab her bags and leave at any time. And maby uneccessary but for god sakes don't cheat, one girl at the time a broken heart is saiten(the worst) , good luck and hope this helped.
     
  3. Daniel2k5

    Daniel2k5 Guest

    Wow dark I didn't expect anyone to be so thorough so thanks a heap:

    You're right about most everything... some things I already knew (I don't know how but I understand alot more about girls then some guys) but they're good to keep in mind.

    For sure... I hate thinking that the world could end tommorow and what would I be happy about? Things are SO much better for me now then they were say, a year ago: I really can't wait anymore and that's why I made this thread.

    This is the universal man's advice I hear :) Girls don't like desperate ... I know that. Believe me when I say I lack even the smallest hint of desperation in my personality: it's almost an apathy towards girls that I am dealing with now.

    I can't get over the thought that I'm what every girl wants. Despite my body I've still been told many times that 'you're the guy girls are waiting for'. Well whatever... I've been waiting for them longer :)

    I check out girls on the regular but approaching them is the trick. Especially when it's at work or something. Luckily I happen to know a few of them which makes talking easier.

    Something I love about girls: Nowhere in there does it ask for a perfect body. :) Being tall and handsome is a plus last time I heard but I'm not going to win any girls over with looks...

    I know how full of shit and egotistical this sounds: I have everything on that list :) Maybe realising this is a good step for me.

    Booyah! None of these are on my list.

    Yep I have high standards and that's a no no. I don't so much want to date as to just find a girlfriend and fall in love.... (crowd goes 'awwww') but really this is a bad thing and makes it harder for me... so I'll take your advice.


    About marriage and other serious stuff in that vain.

    I'm not worried at all :) I totally want to be married with children by the time I'm 30 and I really value girls who want the same... which is good!



    Anyway:
    between me and you this thread has gotten pretty damn long and I hope it doesn't scare off anymore responses.

    Thanks again,
    cya. (shit! lunch hour is over already and it's back to work... oh well maybe she'll show up and I will not hesitate to get that number.)

    cya
     
  4. Indagator

    Indagator Twist of Cain

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    HAHA! Don't wait to get her number, yo! Think of it like this, if it doesen't work out, it just doesen't work out. You don't have to use her, you don't have to cling. Just go with the flow. It could be anyone really. If you're attracted to her and you like her...why not? There's alot of "testing the waters" done in any relationship...this won't the be the first time (most probably) and won't be the last (as well, most probably). If you decide to give it a shot, keep your memories of it, and grow from that :). She'll probably do the same as well (no matter where you two end up in relation to each other), and if nothing else, you may end up with some very good memories to take with you...or at least some very good experience :).


    Darketernal's got this pretty much nailed, but I'd like to add one point. Do to her as you would have her do to you. Just respect her enough to let her know if it's not happening in the long run. You don't have to be an arsehole about it. You can still care, even though she'll be hurt if she loves you that much. Even if you get hurt in the long run, still treat her as you would like to be treated in that situation (but be realistic about it, dont just say "well I'd love no matter what". That's just not realistic :dunno: ). So yeah, why not if you like her?
     
  5. Daniel2k5

    Daniel2k5 Guest

    Thanks crazy,
    why not if I like her indeed...

    well the thing is I'm not sure if I like her enough to be her boyfriend :) She has certain qualities that I find a lil offputting but it's nothing that would stop me from being her friend: so I'll give a relationship a shot.

    All I'm really waiting for is the next time I see her in the store:

    But I just have this nagging feeling that I'm only getting with her because I really want a girlfriend... and if I were her (like you said do as you would want her to do to you)

    well I just don't think it's fair that she be crazy about me while I'm choosing her mostly on convenience you know?

    I'm not afraid of being hurt, so I'm going for it. I just hope it doesn't hurt her if one day I find someone 'better'. You know?

    Anyway I think I've got most of this figured out now... thanks! Cya
     
  6. Hops

    Hops OT Supporter

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    i can understand where youre coming from but remember and I know this sounds cheezy but its whats inside that counts. If you persue this you may find her attitude and personality attractive and than maybe just maybe youll be suprized at how attractive you find her.
    i know of which i speak.....
     
  7. [Cyanide]

    [Cyanide] Active Member

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    Not to be a downer in all of this positivity here, but I used to be in the same (well still in the same boat in some aspects) boat as you.

    I don't consider myself good looking by any means, I'm definitely fat and been fat all my life.

    Over the years I went through the, I'm fat, no girl wants me depression phase.

    But after I got over that, I concentrated more on building a good circle of close friends & not caring so much about being with a girl or in a relationship.

    Because I eventually realized I had my whole life ahead of me and I'd rather have a good close circle of friends around me first.

    In my experiences when you're actively "looking", most of the times you're looking & trying too hard and nothing will come of it.

    All of the times that I've stopped looking, someone just fell into my lap.

    There's a lot more important things in life than having the need to just be with someone just for the sake of being with someone.

    My $0.02.

    P.S: I'm happily involved right now (and she's hot) cause I wasn't looking prior to my current relationship :)
     

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