Can you come back from the Friendzone?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ElChupacabra, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. ElChupacabra

    ElChupacabra we should have fucking shotguns

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    687
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Republic of Texas
    Are there already threads on this? I don't know if I'm 'zoned, but it could be pretty close.
     
  2. metakone

    metakone New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    really ? whats your story ? what made you "change" the way you looked at him ?
     
  3. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2005
    Messages:
    47,046
    Likes Received:
    0
    how long was he friendzoned before you gave in to him?

    what exactly happened.. you guys quit talking for a while, then you started talking again and you started to have feelings for him?

    i was friendzoned by this one chick, i found others and gave up on her, and hew whole attitude totally did a 180 towards me

    its pretty interesting, because she is the one asking me to do stuff, not the other way around.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    If you do you were never really in the friend zone.

    I was friends with a girl (she was my ex gf's friend) for 3 years and then we fooled around (don't worry, I wasn't still dating my ex at the time). And then we fooled around again a few years later.

    I wasn't in the friend zone.


    edit - Ok, if you do there's a 99% chance you weren't really in the friend zone. If you turn into a rockstar or something and THEN a girl wants to fuck you, I guess that's busting out of the friendzone. But if it were me in that situation, I would use that as a disqualification for her (ie. "you didn't want me before so fuck off now, bitch"). But that's just how I am. Mostly because I don't like feeling like people are attracted to me because of my status. And being in that situation would be like DING DING DING!!! She's only attracted to you for your status.

    Girls would backward rationalize that situation as "I never realized how cool you were before." Which actually means "before you weren't high status enough for me to fuck, and trust me, i realized it. But now you are, so let's fuck."
     
  5. metakone

    metakone New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    imho, the only way it can happen is IF you lose touch with said friend and are re-introduced some years later or something....
    or what falconer said, you become a rockstar...
     
  6. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2005
    Messages:
    47,046
    Likes Received:
    0
    thats usually how it works :hs:
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    IByail says looks don't matter and you were backward rationalizing to yourself that his looks were the reason you didn't want to sleep with him.

    Sounds like you perceived him as someone wanting sex.

    Not sure about that one.

    I know (some) guys fuck girls to whom they're not attracted (boggles my fucking mind why they do, but that's another thread). I didn't know girls did, tho.

    btw the moment you fuck him he's not friendzoned anymore.

    WOW!

    In 99.9% of cases, "i'm in love with you but I'm scared" really means "i'm really not into you enough to want this to be serious."

    Then again, the formation of your relationship sounds like it's a statistical outlier, anyway :big grin:

    Are you attracted to him now? What about his physical appearance changed from before when you said you weren't into him physically?
     
  8. alexc

    alexc New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2007
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    i dont usually post but i feel like the male advice here (you cant possibly come out of friendzone) is totally wrong. this has happened with me. i "friendzoned" a guy, aka decided i would not date him, but i didn't cut him out of my life or anything. he realized that and stopped trying so hard to get with me. we still hung out, and now that i didnt feel the pressure of him trying to get with me, i was able to pay more attention to who he was as a person, rather than just feel like i had to fend off his advances. he became more of a genuine person to me instead of another guy who wanted to lay me. and eventually it just occurred to me what a great guy he was and we have been together since. he didnt do anything in particular. it was just that the dynamics of the relationship changed.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,778
    Likes Received:
    519
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    Ok, let's clear something up.

    There is a HUGE difference between being "friendzoned" and being "friends with a girl". I don't think people understand that.

    Friendzoned: You are a doormat. She uses you as a way to vent her frustrations towards her boyfriend or the guys who treat her like shit. You treat her like a princess without demanding reciprocal respect. As a result, you set up a frame where she calls the shots and only is your friend because you give her attention and treat her like a princess and make her feel good about herself, despite her walking all over you. In short, you have no self-respect for yourself.

    Being friends first: You have a healthy, reciprocal friendship. Yes, sometimes she vents her frustrations to you, but she also lends her ear to listen to YOUR friendships. You aren't afraid to disagree with her, and yet you still treat her with respect and demand respect in return.

    The only way to come out of the "friendzone" is to cut all contact with her for a period of 6 months or greater and then return and make changes in the way you interact with each other.

    You CAN at any moment take a "friendship with a girl" and turn it into a relationship if you handle it correctly.

    Just thought I'd clear that up.
     
  10. alexc

    alexc New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2007
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    ok so obviously im not the expert here. but i can tell you this: i would friendzone any guy who put that much mental effort into splitting hairs over the definition of friendzone
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,778
    Likes Received:
    519
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    :rofl::rofl:

    To which I would say "Please eat some shit". :dunno:
     
  12. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    very rarely
     
  13. ElChupacabra

    ElChupacabra we should have fucking shotguns

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    687
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Republic of Texas
    Ok, first I want to clear up that I'm not in it to get ass, I want a relationship with her (well, I want to add romance to our relationship). We're best friends, been friends for a long time but the last year or 3, we're each other's go-to person. She told me 2 nights ago, "you're the greatest thing in my life, why would I want to fuck that up for sex?" I'm not her doormat, she listens to me more than she vents to me. I invited her to lunch on Monday and paid. She invited me to lunch on Tues and paid. On Wed we went car shopping for her (I'm not helping with the finiancing, so it's not a money thing), then we had dinner. Total of about 7 hours together that day. Thursday we went out for drinks together, split the bill. I use this just to show the general dynamic of our relationship. Her comment above came when we were leaving the bar and before getting in the car she gave me a hug and afterward I went for a kiss. I know she has feelings for me, but she's afraid to act on them for one reason or another.
     
  14. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    i was best friends with my SO before we hooked up. i had huge fears about taking that step to cross the line between friends and dating. the most recent guy i dated was a HORRIBLE kisser and i couldnt get past that and date him, so i ended it. i was scared that the same thing would happen with my best friend, and worried what our friendship would be after that. few nights later, the sexual tension was just too great and we went for it. 3 years later, still going strong (and getting married in nov.)

    it can work, though i dont completely understand how to explain the switch in my mind. i didnt think of my guy as anything more than a friend for years. the day his dad passed away, i realized that my love for him was much more than just friendship. i took a couple weeks to sort it out in my head, he figured out i liked him back since i was acting differently. soon as he knew i liked him too, he started being more touchy, which caused all the sexual tension.

    your girl just has to have that switch in her mind, plus that sexual tension, then you are in.

    good luck with it, i think it can lead to a great relationship
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,778
    Likes Received:
    519
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    Exactly. Why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free, right? ;)

    A man's "milk" is sex. A woman's "milk" is "friendship".
     
  16. Daveee

    Daveee New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,417
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't mean this as an insult or a "call-out," but viper - what do you have to show for all of your reams of dating and sex advice? Surely you've been in a fulfilling, mutually reciprocal relationship for years and get lots of great sex - right?
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,778
    Likes Received:
    519
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    I learned everything I know about relationships and sex through massive failure.

    I am not a dating guru, and I don't pretend to be.
     
  18. MiseryIndex

    MiseryIndex i never know why. i only know who. Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2000
    Messages:
    136,996
    Likes Received:
    396
    Location:
    don't blink.
    absolustely. just stop hanging on hope too hard because it could just let you down.
     
  19. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    I think it's :greddy: to assume you know what someone wants based on the time of day they call. Not everyone lives in this 9-5 world where the only reason they would call someone at 2:30am is for a booty call.
     
  20. ElChupacabra

    ElChupacabra we should have fucking shotguns

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Messages:
    687
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Republic of Texas

    When a guy is friends with a girl and she looks at him like a girlfriend, not as a possible suitor.
     
  21. Savage5point0

    Savage5point0 Im an asshole.

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2001
    Messages:
    18,397
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Bay, California

Share This Page