Can We Really Ever Be Friends w. Benefits?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Wench, Jul 31, 2005.

  1. Wench

    Wench Guest

    One of my closest friends ever is also my ex-boyfriend. We've been broken up for a year now. He's still attracted to me, but is sleeping around with other girls now, while I haven't really gotten with anyone else yet. I had very strong feelings toward him, but he didn't towards me. He still wants to hook up and I do, too. We have been hooking up since the break up (except for the past 3 months). But the problem is I have to move on completely, but I think on some level I will always care for him even though I got hurt. I know I shouldn't hook up with him, but I really want to. On top of that, I want to make him want me again (just for revenge sake). Is that ever even possible? To the girls out there, have similar situations occurred with you guys? Is moving on really the best way to get revenge?
     
  2. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    sounds like the healthiest option would just be for you to move on and find someone new.
     
  3. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    no.



    :wtc: my opinon isnt very objective right now
     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    A FWB type deal can be hard for the person that actually cares about the relationship or expects more from it. It's been 1.5 years and I feel like I'm just starting to really get over my ex. Although I feel attraction towards her because of what we used to have and do, I don't feel like I want to sleep with her anymore. FWB's with ex's need to stop eventually. For me it stopped about 7 months after we broke up.
     
  5. ProneToEpisodes

    ProneToEpisodes New Member

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    I dont think so. I tried that last summer and it was a nightmare. The guys would get attached or thought we were dating so when I would go out w/ my gf's and see them at a bar they would play the bf card.
     
  6. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    one of the most important lessons to learn in life is the fact that you cannot, i repeat, cannot... EVER, mind you... change a man's mind.

    personally, i wouldn't do it. call me a weird feminist, but if i actually dated the guy and we broke up, i wouldn't continue the sexual part of the relationship. it's all about respect. i'm good enough to sex, but i'm not good enough to be with exclusively? he wants his cake + be able to eat it as well ;)

    sure, you could always argue that you just need to get laid, and there isn't anything wrong with that. :rofl: i've had a conversation with a smart guy friend of mine about this once. he says, you think that you're in with a guy when in actuality all he wants is sex. of course i piped up and said, "welp girls can be the same way." :doh: apparently the only difference is the fact that the guy got what HE wanted, and in turn, it negates the fact that you were both on the same level. :rofl: guys...

    so, basically what i'm saying here is it's a lose- lose situation. tread carefully, woman :)
     
  7. Wench

    Wench Guest

    So, are you saying just keep the ball always in my court? Don't give in when he wants sex, but still be able to sleep with him only when I want to? So, he's NOT getting what he wants. Rather I am. Is that right or am I just totally misinterpreting here.
     
  8. Ducky_Fresh

    Ducky_Fresh New Member

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    You can for sure, it just will either mature in to something else or dissolve.
     
  9. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    holy crap... you totally murdered my post with your interpretation. :rofl: :eek3: definitely misinterpretation ;)

    let's try this again... :hsugh:

    one of the most important lessons to learn in life is the fact that you cannot, i repeat, cannot... EVER, mind you... change a man's mind.

    interpretation... sure he says he's attracted to you, but the fact is that he's just not that into you. a guy will do practically anything for sex.

    personally, i wouldn't do it.

    interpretation... if i were in your shoes, i'd say :nono:. when you play with fire (your emotions, in this particular case), you will get burned.

    sure, you could always argue that you just need to get laid, and there isn't anything wrong with that. :rofl: i've had a conversation with a smart guy friend of mine about this once. he says, you think that you're in with a guy when in actuality all he wants is sex. of course i piped up and said, "welp girls can be the same way." :doh: apparently the only difference is the fact that the guy got what HE wanted, and in turn, it negates the fact that you were both on the same level. :rofl: guys...

    so, basically what i'm saying here is it's a lose-lose situation. tread carefully, woman :)

    interpretation... do what you want, but the outcome is pretty clear, imo. a guy wants what he wants, and imo, will hardly stop at anything to acheive it. even if you're looking at the situation from a perspective that, "i'm only doing it for the great sex," issues with the situation are inevitable. he'll run the show. it doesn't matter if you're getting what you want. the fact is HE got what HE want... and he didn't have to work for it. so, if you want to give him the satisfaction of getting a piece from his ex, then by all means... go for it. remember, you're trying to get over him completely (using your words), and imo, you won't be able to do that if you continue having sex.
     
  10. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    I really wouldnt feel safe having a FWB, especially if they were actively with other guys.

    Just me though.
     
  11. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    that just sounds like a bad idea, and setting yourself up for trouble later. But hey, live and have fun right?
     
  12. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I've caught myself in this situation recently with an ex that I've been having a really hard time getting over. I can definately relate. I've taken away the sex part and he still wants to see me with or without, yet doesn't want a relationship "at this time"... I'm confused....

    He does pressure me on occassion but not all the time...Usually only if he's been drinking. He says our "relationship" right now has nothing to do with that and does continue to call me even since I won't screw around with him...
     

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