SRS Can college students not make plans or is it me?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BradUF, Jul 27, 2007.

  1. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Whenever I try to make plans in advance everyone always calls and cancels the last day. I am really fucking pissed off today because I made plans two weeks in advance to go see The Simpsons Movie tonight and just about everyone canceled on me, besides one person. In fact that one person called me and was like whats up with the movie tonight.

    This is not the first time this has happen to me, it happens fucking all time. When it comes to saying hey, lets do this on this date at this time, it is fucking impossible. I always call the day of and get some dumb excuse... I have work, my gf is in a bad mood, I am too tired to go... I mean WTF, thats why I let you know whats up a week in advance so you can tell me if you have work or not, or if you do so we can go later that night. Why the fuck do people agree to do stuff when they don't plan to leave that spot open to do whatever planned.

    Sometimes I think it is just me but I notice no one makes plans, whatever happens that night happens.
     
  2. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I don't know what to do. Should I just stop talking to everyone?
     
  3. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island // Virginia Tech
    Well, some people just aren't true to their word. I think you either need to:

    A) Find some people that actually care about spending time with you
    B) Don't make plans so far in advance
     
  4. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    They hang out with me but when it comes to going anywhere that takes planning it never happens.
     
  5. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    2,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    whenever i'm in a particularly big group, i find that planning is difficult. naturally, with so many disparate schedules things are bound to change. but generally, i tend to stick with a smaller group of friends who actually want to do something together. it sounds kinda like your friends are only hanging out with you out of boredom. i suggest you ponder that and if needed find friends who actually want to do stuff with you instead of ones who only seem to hang around b/c they dont have anything better to do
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    When I have friends that do this shit...I stop calling and inviting them to do things.

    Also, I never make plans more than 3 days in advance....it drives my mom crazy as she likes to book things like 2-4 weeks in advance. I'm just not like that.

    It also could be the way you set it up. In your mind you are making definite plans but in your friends minds, they are tentative and can easily be broken. Sounds like you're wanting to get a big group together and sometimes there are personality conflicts here that can influence it.

    Or you just have friends that are constantly looking for the BBD and make lame excuses because something better came up. Find better friends to hang with.
     
  7. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    That is what I have been trying to do, is get all of my friend together. Friends that never hang out with each other. I am trying to get all of my little groups of friends and make one big group of friends.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    I was usually the one getting everyone together like this. So I'd just find 1 or 2 ppl that wanted to hang and inform the rest. Then if a big group showed up....fine...if not then me and the other 1 or 2 ppl would do whatever.

    It may have something to do with the way you're asking people.
     
  9. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I am setting a date and not just mentioning it like. Oh, we should go see that movie. I am saying lets see this movie this date, this time and everyone is like ok.
     
  10. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2004
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    0
    you sound like you have so many friends. Just pick the best ones from each of your many groups and hang out with them.
     
  11. Finch

    Finch OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2004
    Messages:
    8,037
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island NY
    If a person isn't in my close group of friends (especially if it is a female or group of females) I find that the flake-out rate is astonishingly high. Similarly, even in my close group of friends we never make real plans...I'll generally get a call around 4 or 5 and we decide what to do then.

    I am actually amazed if a long island female (and friends) DOESN'T flake out on plans. It's mildly disheartening.
     
  12. Finch

    Finch OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2004
    Messages:
    8,037
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island NY
    I've found that the old "pick and choose" method tends to create unforeseen logistical problems when it comes time to actually hang out :hs:
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Exactly...which is why I find 1 or 2 friends...make plans with them...then inform the rest of the group. It usually works well but it might be because my friends are flexible.
     
  14. BradUF

    BradUF Guest


    I don't want to just drop entire groups of friends.
     
  15. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    2,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    well depends how close you are to everyone. i mean if they consistently cancel or dont bother showing up, it might not be worth the effort to try so much cuz they might not care as much to keep in touch. take what you can get in that regards or just not care as much.
     
  16. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    I hate to be an ass, but what sounds great one day can changes two weeks later. Also in college students tend not to be very organized. It's like getting your work done then do whatever with whoever. This makes students do a lot of spontaneous stuff. Hence why you get that attitude from college students.

    I do know from experience that I don't back out on plans and those I hang out with don't tend to either. Might be your group of friends and lack of loyalty and closeness. two close friends > nine "friends" at once.
     
  17. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    You don't do that though. Just because you don't feel like it anymore you don't fucking change. It causes me problems when I plan to do something and something comes up and I say no, I can't because I am doing this with other people. Then those people blow me off and I could have been doing something else but I can't now because I already told other people no.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    I tend to think that's its the reverse. These people constantly failing to either include you in their plans, or else giving almost no notice, are basically trying to stop talking to you.

    In fact, you SHOULD stop talking to you. If you find they then never initiate contact, and never bother to call you, you then have your answer.

    You don't need to "cut them off", they're cutting you off as we speak.

    That will be your cue to find new friends.

    Which is something I think you should do anyways, but this little exercise will simply give you the confirmation you need that you're doing the right thing.



    By the way, college buddies tend not to do the formal organised thing that often. A quick phone call..hey bud, lets go to X...meet in 20 mins.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    :werd:

    Quality > Quantity

    But hey...when I was younger I thought it was the reverse.

    I can't remember making plans 2 weeks in advance when I was in college....stuff changed to quickly for me and everyone else....I'd just go with the flow.
     
  20. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I never really have any problems doing stuff like that but I am tired of just meeting up at bars. I want to do things that do require a bit of planning, like going out of town somewhere, catching a movie on the first showing, going finishing etc... Some things just require you to plan.
     
  21. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    So many times I have seen plans made to go out of town early in the morning and half the people don't go because they are too hung over from the night before. So they don't pick up the fucking phone or they just turn it off.
     
  22. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    2,951
    Likes Received:
    0
    well you cant change how your friends are if they dont want to change themselves. at the very least you could call them on that, and if things still dont change, i say move on. maybe not cut them out per se, but you might want to think it over b4 inviting them along next time, just so you dont have any false expectations.

    i've had a similar problem before. me and my friends all lived a distance away from each other (about 30min away give or take) so planning was a must. and when they'd all get home for the summer from their different colleges, they'd always say we'd "hang out and do stuff" but a lot of the times i planned something to do, like go see a movie, they'd just cancel like the day b4 b/c they were either "tired" or something came up. like after 2months of "planning stuff to do and not doing it" i just got tired of it. i hadn't been able to see them and i had missed movies and events (or had gone alone and didnt enjoy myself as much). eventually i just resolved to make them contact me to hang out instead of the other way around. and since they were often never available, i ended up just finding some other, previously not-as-close friends to do stuff with. and fortunately, i became closer with those other friends and i'm glad for it.

    so basically, if your friends dont want to make the effort to hang out, find another way.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    these guys who seem to have radically different schedules and preferences than you don't really sound like your friends.

    At least they dont seem like theyre that interested in really hanging out with you.

    Why not try and get some real friends. Instead of these dudes which are acquaintances at best.
     
  24. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2005
    Messages:
    4,692
    Likes Received:
    0

    then you need to hang out with an older crowd or one that doesnt drink...


    and yes you do. You will find this even more common with females. What sounds sick one night, IE going to the beach, might not be sick the next time because it's bad weather or who knows what. By your posts in general you seem rather uptight, so relax a little and go with the flow of life. Theres no need to be all uptight on who you do what with and when.
     
  25. Scootin

    Scootin OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2004
    Messages:
    111,907
    Likes Received:
    296
    Location:
    St Louis
    Big part of your problem is planning 3 weeks in advance, especially with busy college students. I know it seems like a good idea getting everybody ahead of time, but its actually a lot easier to get people when their schedules are a little more solid, which as you probably know, is 1-2 days prior to an event for a college kid. Stuff pops up all the time, and generally is more important than going to see a movie.
     

Share This Page