Can a little jealousy be a GOOD thing? v.saw this on another forum

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Jun 9, 2009.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Last thing I'll post from another forum for a while I promise!

    This made me think, because I know in my last relationship (with the psycho chick) she would do stupid shit that would make me jealous, and I know that logically I was thinking "wtf, this is bullshit" but the psychological effect it had on me was creating jealousy and neediness...

    then again, my ex was like a natural master of the dark side of social dynamics...
     
  2. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    It depends. When I get jealous I don't want to be with the person. It makes me like them less. BTW, right now I am jealous:squint:
     
  3. Guarana

    Guarana New Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    The same here, he told me last night over the phone I'll have to stay in queue , no that anything ever hapen between us, too much talk over the phone, never any action.........:ugh2:

    Now I don't wan't him any longer, nice guy but WTF ????
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hmm. Sounds like you guys aren't in an established relationship yet, which is what this thread is about.

    edit - btw, welcome to OT :wavey:
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Can you elaborate?

    I mean, I understand the logical process behind this, and I agree it is correct.

    But in application, having been on both sides of the jealousy, most people respond by getting clingy and needy, NOT by losing interest.

    For example:

    You catch your SO flirting with an attractive person. The logical reaction is "wtf? You're taken, why are you flirting?" Interest level should go down and anger should go up. But what actually happens is the person gets all jealous that their SO was giving attention to someone else.
     
  6. BoomerP

    BoomerP New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,638
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK Manchester
    It's all bad energy though isn't it?
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    thread is already getting derailed.
     
  8. BoomerP

    BoomerP New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,638
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK Manchester
    Ok I categorise it into bad energy. :fawk:
     
  9. Guarana

    Guarana New Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Haha, thanks............... I think I really like this forum........

    Talking about relationship, I’m not in any atm,
    Ppl love games and making each other jealous, and Im soooo "not" the game ,

    Jealousy isn't pleasant, and I refuse to be jealous or any kind of competition !!:)
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, the guys I have had got more clingy, you are right. However, when I think about it I don't think I did or do get clingy. I usually get angry, like them less and show my anger in some way and unfortunately I think about cheating in some way. I know I would never cheat, but it comes to my mind maybe just to feel like I am getting a revenge or something. lol
     
  11. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    do you read the mystery method forums or something?
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Sometimes. Yeah they inspired two of my threads today :mamoru:
     
  13. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,227
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WA
    I think if someone is intentionally doing little things here and there to spike jealousy at times (which is what I got from the quote), then it's completely backwards and I'd be done with that after a few times.

    But a little jealousy in a relationship isn't bad. But if you take that jealousy and act on it in an immature manner (aka forbidding someone to go somewhere or do something because of said jealousy) it decreases the bond, the attraction, and how happy people are.

    But if someone is just a bit jealous over something that wasn't intentional/a serious no no....it can create a bit of a spark. In general though, jealousy isn't something you want hanging around imo.
     
  14. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,615
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    I think jealousy is a good thing. In moderation, like most things.

    I am a very jealous person and I don't think it comes down to insecurity, but I am sure other people would say it does.

    I have a lot at stake with my family. If someone were to come in and endanger my world I would arch up. I would be protective and I would show a little green eye.
    My husband is very easy going. Doesn't really have many boundaries that I can't cross and he isnt the jealous type - at least not outwardly.

    He thinks it can be nice to see my jealous streak. It shows that I care and I think he is worthy of stealing :rofl: When my husband shows his jealous side it's hot. It's a nice change from him not giving a shit and proves to me that he would fight to keep me.

    I am sure people can draw a lot of things from my post, but while jealous can negatively affect our lives, it can also add something as well
     
  15. Thelonius

    Thelonius New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2008
    Messages:
    2,826
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well put, I wish my ex could have figured this out.
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    I don't think intentionally causing jealously is a good thing, but I do think a certain amount of jealousy is definitely healthy. My ex never got jealous and I hated it. I want a woman who is possessive of me, damnit.
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,243
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    I am a super not jealous person. My ex was super jealous.

    She would talk to other guys and love the attention. If i can't try to have sex with them, i don't see any point in talking to other girls, so I wouldn't for the most part. Sure sometimes it was fun to let her see me talking to another girl just to get a reaction. Definitely did raise her attraction/attention at the time.

    Since I'm not a jealous person though, it takes something pretty out of line for me to get jealous. 9/10 times I felt a twinge of jealousy it was overshadowed by the "wtf do you think you are doing?"
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2009
  18. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2008
    Messages:
    2,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IN
    Haha exactly. I hate it when the guy I'm dating doesn't get jealous. I think it's cute when they show a little bit of jealousy. A little. Not psycho-jealous or anything like that.
     
  19. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    See, im that bf that just never gets jealous :dunno:

    Those exact words are what my ex said about me.. she claimed I 'didnt care' because I didnt make a stink when she was around guys. I told her if I trusted her and loved her I shouldnt have to worry about her + those other guys, amirite?

    I dont see why I should be jealous... if my SO is trustworthy enough, regardless of any situation it shouldnt matter.
     
  20. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2008
    Messages:
    785
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Utah
    Girls like to feel like you would fight for them? :dunno:
     
  21. PcH

    PcH Guest

    With my last relationship, I got jealous when my gf went out to a bar/club without me. She had the same thing. I think it was partially missing out on that fun with her and not trusting other people.
     
  22. PcH

    PcH Guest

    Good point.
     
  23. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,615
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    Totally agree, and I should clarifiy my above post before people take it the wrong way. Causing your partner to be jealous, or putting them in a position where they could feel vulnerable, purely to boost your ego is wrong and unhealthy. You shouldn't go out of your way to make your partner feel insecure or that they need to constantly fight for you and your advances
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Wow. Good call. Good catch. :cool:
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    :bowrofl:
     

Share This Page