But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Jun 10, 2009.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    ...and you do them.

    I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

    I knew you would understand. You always do.

    We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

    It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

    No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

    Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

    Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

    Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

    Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

    Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

    Best friends. Friends forever.

    Courtesy of The Onion.
     
  2. BoomerP

    BoomerP New Member

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    BFFF
    Best fucking friends forever
     
  3. FrozenSTi

    FrozenSTi This site WILL get me in trouble......

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    it's funny cause it's true!
     
  4. TuopaT2008

    TuopaT2008 New Member

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    And women call US the assholes!
     
  5. BoomerP

    BoomerP New Member

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    You asshole
    joking
     
  6. Ricky

    Ricky █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄

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  7. TuopaT2008

    TuopaT2008 New Member

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    It's not the first time. :cool:
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    :rofl:

    You know I said to myself this morning as I logged into OT, "Man, where has JJJ and his girlie been :p"

    And BLAM!

    Good post :)
     
  9. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    I really enjoyed reading that, it made my morning.
     
  10. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Yeah, i really don't get the last part, where females who friend zone the fuck outta you feel the need to try and get clingy when other females enter the picture.

    LOL, luckily, my current batch of female friends understand and respect boundaries.

    Human nature can be ugly.
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Reading that made me want to rape a bitch or possibly just beat her face against the pavement while laughing.
     
  12. BoomerP

    BoomerP New Member

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    Yeah that would show them
     
  13. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  14. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I've had it happen to me. My best friend, who is a woman, met a girl I was interested in and took on a couple dates. From that point forward, it was on between them. I found out later that my friend approached dating girl over IM and basically grilled her, and did it a couple times face to face to. :rofl:

    :hsugh:
     
  15. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    :bowrofl: I like it!
     
  16. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Your female best friend is supposed to help you get laid, not cock block you.

    My female best is clearly better. She's asian, from the south, is pretty, and actually HELPS me get laid.

    :hs:
     
  17. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I know. Maybe she secretly hearts me. :x:
     
  18. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    LOL, I hope you're joking, otherwise you've completely missed the point of the article
     
  19. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Oh I know.

    She gets cunty when other women are involved because then she won't get as much attention from me. What is all boils down to, is that 99.9% of women are attention whores. If they can get that attention without you putting your cock inside of them, they will do it 100% of the time.
     
  20. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    It's the saga of the cuddle-bitch.
     
  21. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    :ugh:
     
  22. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    Best friends means I pull the trigger....
     
  23. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Women do crazy shit, amirite?
     
  24. wake_o

    wake_o New Member

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    oh god that hits home :rofl:
     
  25. DigiCrime

    DigiCrime If Only!

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    funny and sad at the same time
     

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