SRS buddy wants to get married, making a mistake

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by AzGuy79, Jul 25, 2007.

  1. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    my buddy is 20 years old, wants to marry this 23 year old girl. problem is, he is the only person out of our whole group that gets along with her. she does not like any of his friends, including me, his best friend, at all. we barely see him anymore, most likely because she does not want to hang out and drink with us. he wants to quit school, and juco football so they can get a house and get married. how can we get it into his head that he is making a mistake? he is dead set on doing this, and we dont want to lose him. we feel at this point that if we confront him about it, he will do it out of spite. what is the best route to take in this situation?
     
  2. ShadowJet

    ShadowJet New Member

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    Sounds like he needs to learn a hard lesson about life himself. He's a grown ass man and if his mind is closed to advice, then you just have to let him fall on his ass. I rarely make such recommendations, but in this case, it's probably called for.
     
  3. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    thats how we all feel about it too. but, we would rather cut this thing off before he makes a huge mistake. is there any way possible to talk some sense into him?
     
  4. antee

    antee Medium rare please...

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    I'd just tell him because you care about him in the most sincere way possible.

    I wouldn't have any expectations though. He probably wont change his mind anyway but you'll definitely lose him if you don't, so why not? Once he gets married you probably won't be seeing very much of him.
     
  5. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    then it won't be much different than now then. we have seen him maybe a combined total of 4 times in the past 2 months
     
  6. antee

    antee Medium rare please...

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    Yeah it happens when people get married, it's just how it goes in general. It's just the fact someone is not going to let you see him that would piss me off too.

    I would really think this out though, don't be nitpicky and mean-spirited, just logically say why you think he shouldn't get married. Give good concrete reasons: school, job, future, and other viable reasons. Maybe tell him NOW is just not a good time, leave the door open, but don't go crazy and just call his girlfriend a stupid bitch or something. That won't get the job done, try to be open and understanding and ready with responses. It's really all you can do and hope for the best.
     
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Sounds like this was his first real g/f? Good luck with this one nothing you say will change his mind sometimes you just have to let them live and learn
     
  8. Jake!

    Jake! Guest

    :werd:
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    If you really feel like you should say something go ahead but it won't stop him. If you do, make sure you focus on the fact that you just want him to be happy. I was in a similar situation last year. I told my friend, "From an outsiders perspective, I'm just not sure if you're as happy as you could be and I'm afraid that you'll end up getting hurt. If this is what you really want, I support you and I'm happy for you, but please know that your friends are concerned that you might be making a mistake." They were about to get engaged and it came out that the girl had been cheating on my friend. He came back and apologized for neglecting his friends and he learned a valuable lesson from it. If he's your friend and this is what he wants (even if it really is a huge mistake) you should support him because he'll need you when the relationship goes sour.
     
  10. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    I'd probably approach it more from the school angle than I would the gf angle.

    You have to remember that if your friend wants to get married to this chick, your friend has a new set of priorities, and that's not always going to be hanging out with the guys and getting drunk every night.

    What is it about her that you don't like? That she monopolizes his time? Or is she an untrustworthy bitch who's cheating on him at every turn?
     
  11. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    :werd: this is what i was wondering. What makes you think she doesn't like you?

    also you said this

    So I'm going to assume you don't know for a fact she is telling him not to go. What you may not know or want to realize is that maybe your friend has grown out of the drinking every night and wanting to play football stage in his life and is content to have a family. I understand you feel like your loosing a friend ( even though your not he will always be there) but if he is happy you should be happy for him. One day the time will come when spending time with the woman you are in love with is more important that having a beer at the bar. The bros before hos mentality usually dose not stay forever.



    edit: You really need to talk to him about staying in school though
     
  12. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I've gone through the same thing with my SO recently. He didn't date for several years before we met and had been going out with his friends several nights a week. When we started dating it dropped to two or three nights a week, and now he'll see them for one night on the weekends and we usually go to the beach or out on a the boat with them on Saturday or Sunday afternoons. They still go out every night and assume that he doesn't because I keep him home. When in reality, he didn't like going to bars/clubs every night and is much happier staying in, spending less on alcohol in bars, getting more sleep/work done, and just having fun on the weekends. He went out with them before because he didn't want to sit home alone, but he chooses to stay in with me most of time because he's become more of a home body.

    My point is, until you she is keeping him from doing the things he wants to do, you shouldn't assume that it's her fault. He very well could be really happy with his life and doesn't see you guys as much because he doesn't feel like you understand or respect his choices.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Funny that you see this as a huge mistake when he doesn't.

    I would suggest you learn about acceptance. It's his life and he's entitled to live it any way he pleases regardless of what you think about it.

    Sure friends try to keep their friends from making mistakes but I can't tell you how many times I knew a friend was making a mistake about a girl...only to realize I was wrong later. I had to learn the difference between a g/f being wrong for me and being wrong for him. Those were difficult lessons but it was ME that needed to change, NOT my friend.
     
  14. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    True it could be that he just chooses not to hang out as much anymore, I'll admit I don't see my friends as much as I used to when I was younger and still into the partying and drinking several nights a week but I'm older now that shit is not as appealing. I would never forget about my friends though and I would never quit school that is just plain stupid
     
  15. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    he has brought her out to party with us once. for the next 2 hours, she stayed curled up in the corner , continually asking him if they can leave. its not even the fact that she is not a party-type girl, because she is at nightclubs 5 nights out of the week, without my buddy because he is only 20. but he goes to get her when she calls him because she is too drunk to drive.
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You do realize that if you persist in forcing your will on him that whether or not he follows your advice, one thing is almost assured....he will resent your interference.
     

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