SRS brother needs some advice his girl friend goes out late at night

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MudRacer4x4, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    my brother and his girl friend are in college. there about 2 hours apart and been together for a year. they love each other and so far make it work. but lately hes getting severe anxiety because she is extremely attractive but walks around alone at night. he has expressed his concern to her but she thinks shes tough when in reality she couldnt do anything if she got attacked. He is also upset because the frat guys (they havent done it to his gf yet) but they will jump out of the car and grab girls and shes so quiet she probably wouldn't say anything. he is so afraid of her being raped and she refuses to go out with another person, carry pepper spray, or carry a knife. Its almost like shes trying to prove a point. What can he do to make her realize she has to be careful and take protective measures?
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    He should just aknowledge her bravery, and that she is a woman who is strong enough to stand up for herself. But he should afterwards also caution her to be carefull, and he should take measures so that it stops from happening. Just let him tell her that if she does dangerous stuff like that again he will leave her. (not really of course, just a corrective threat to make her show that he's serious about her safety and also a certainty of his love towards her)
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    If he's already sat down and had a rational discussion with her, as opposed to getting all emotional and/or trying to strong-arm her, then there's nothing else to be done. It's her choice to do or not do those things.
     
  4. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    sounds like she is looking for the attention.
     
  5. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    have a friend at that school pretend to kidnap her to scare some sense into her?
     
  6. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    That's a pretty terrible suggestion, if you think about it.
     
  7. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    I just don't see the reasoning of her walking at night by herself if she knows what goes on. "Proving a point" is rediculous.

    The only reasoning I see is that maybe she wants the attention.

    It might be "terrible" but that's what I see. My .02
     
  8. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    if my suggestion is horrible, what about this one?

     
  9. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Tell me. How can you be tough, if a guy has a gun to your face, or a knife to your back?

    I know women want to feel like they're not scared of men and they want to be able to walk the streets freely at whatever hour they want and not be scared, just because they are a woman, but no matter what YOU want, there are still predators out there that prey on women of all ages and sizes. And if she's an attractive woman, that's even worse.

    I don't know if you can find any resources to shock her into reality, because if she thinks she can handle herself under every circumstance, she's wrong. By not carrying at least pepper spray, she's just putting herself at greater risk.

    When you walk the streets at night, it's smart to dress very unassuming and avoid dark areas. Wear loose, dark clothing and stick to lit or preferrably populated areas. If you want to dress up and walk around at night, make sure you're with other people.

    I would suggest trying to find stories of women who have been raped or some self-defense articles for this girl to read. Being more aware and familiar with what has happened to other people may help her to take this more seriously than she does now.
     
  10. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    well men get beat up and robbed. women get beat up, robbed, sexually violated, then possibly killed.
     
  11. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    She sounds very immature without logical reasoning in my opinion.

    Most people dont have to have other people tell them that it could be dangerous to walk around by yourself at night when you are an attractive college girl...

    Not really trying to sound too harsh on her, but I mean come on.

    This wouldnt really by a solution, but could help...get her a big dog?
     
  12. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    This. The only thing your brother can control that effects both of them is his relationship status.

    If she refuses to change her behavior after he tells her how much it bothers him he needs to find an new gf because she will never change.
     
  13. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    I say next time your around her to play a game. Tell her your going to go at half your strength and if she can fight you off then she can do as she pleases but if she does that you would appreciate it if she carried pepper spray. I've done it before with my ex totally knowing she'd never be able to stop me but she thought that she could defend herself against me (she was a femanazi). Took a few seconds and less effort than taking a shit. I understand that men can get jumped also which is why I carry a knife. I know what can happen and I'm prepared for it.
     
  14. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Dark...
     
  15. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Eh, I guess the wording makes it seem that way. Was more of challange between her and me, I wasn't going to lay down. She thought a women would be fine or have the same type of chance a man would.....
     
  16. planeh

    planeh Guest

    Thats fucked!

    This issue can be a combination of things from your brother being paranoid to her wanting attention! I suggest that if he wants to stop worrying he can either walk with her, or ask she take her walks at a different time of day and if she refuses then he has to leave her. I think it would be disrespectful of her to refuse his request, after all its for her safety.
     
  17. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    It could have something to do with her being overwhealmed at the size of the world and growing up and all that. It sounds strange but I suffered from this at times. When I was much younger, I would love the fog because it shrunk the world down in size and helped me deal with it.

    I distinctly remember feeling very safe and secure when the fog rolled in. Sure I knew that I just couldn't see danger but so fucking what....outta sight outta mind as far as I was concerned. I couldn't see the danger but the danger couldn't see me either. It worked both ways and I knew that and would use that to my advantage.

    It was strange but I got this incredibly powerful sense of peace and serenity whenever the fog rolled in and we don't get much fog in OKC.

    Nighttime was very similar because the lack of light had a similar but less powerful effect on me.

    She may also want to get raped. I had a friend that wanted to get murdered. I'm not even kidding. She was so miserable and in so much emotional pain that she would drive around the city and pick up hitchhikers desperately hoping they would kill her. She specifically said she wasn't turned on sexually at all by this and that getting raped, or the possibilty of that wasn't even scary to her....nor was it a turn on. She just wanted to be murdered.

    It may also have something to do with her beauty. Since you said she's gorgeous she may like leaving the house without anyone treating her differently. She can be anonymous and that may very well be appealing.

    Don't be too quick to dismiss her actions as something foolhardy or silly or simple. IMO, there's a lot more going on and finding out what the appeal is is only part of helping her solve the issue. If you can get to the real reasons why she's doing it, and this takes time and patience, then only when you really understand her motives can you suggest an alternative that's safer. If she's doing it because she's like my friend, unfortunately you may not have a safer alternative.
     
  18. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    :ugh:

    or maybe her boyfriend is overexaggerating the risks of walking alone on a college campus.

    ask her to use an escort if its really late. otherwise get over it, not that big of a deal.
     
  19. Daily

    Daily yliaD Bidness

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    hey darketernal, you know what I've noticed in your posts is that you tend to apply alot of "scaring, threatening, or manipulating in a persons emotion" in hope of a change in the other party that benefits the original party's self interest, I don't think this application is a good long-term method for any situation, eventually the person would not trust or believe you as much. I'm suggesting maybe you could realize your current way of suggesting or problem solvings and see if theres a better way of doing it than to "scare" the other person. ;)


    edit-
    after reading the thread, I agree that scaring in the sense of notifying or letting her understand the dangers is permissible, opposed to scaring her in terms of breaking up is not.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2009
  20. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    never heard of rape fantasies? :ugh:
     
  21. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    rape fantasies =! walking alone at night on a college campus in hopes of getting attacked by a stranger.
     
  22. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
    Yeah, you're wrong.
     
  23. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    fixed.
     
  24. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Actually, that should be ==, not =, but nonetheless...

    ...there are so many better ways of getting surprise sex than to get jumped by a stranger. Giving your boyfriend an open invitation to throw you over his shoulder and walk off with you whenever he feels like it is a good example.
     
  25. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    offtopic isn't a php script

    wait what am I saying :eek3:
     

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