SRS Brother is getting Gastric Bypass... how can I be supportive?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JustJeff, Nov 16, 2006.

  1. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island // Virginia Tech
    Hey guys! I have really hesitated to post about this.

    My brother has been complaining of nervousness and anxiety. He is getting surgery on Monday (hopefully). It will be gastric bypass... a rubber band around his stomach to refrain him from eating as much as he does. He current weighs about 360 (380?) lbs. He is projected to be half of that by this time next year.

    However, for the last 3 days, he has been saying how nervous he is of the surgery. I think it's not the actual slit that they are making in his stomach, but more of the "going under" part. He is afraid of the anesthesia and not waking up again. I don't know how to comfort him.

    I'm 600 miles away from him. I go home on Saturday. I have not seem him in over 3 months. I know it's gonna be a weird reunion. He and I are going to be going to our uncle's apartment in the city (new york city) to just chill the night before the surgery. My uncle has an amazing apartment (and he's rich) so it should be quite a time. I told him that i will be there the whole time, and I will stick it the long run and be there when he wakes up and walks out of the surgery.

    However, he is still complaining of being nervous. I know it's just normal, but I don't know what I should tell him to make him feel better. Something to calm him down, and realize that he has very little to be scared of.


    It doesn't help that a few days ago he signed the papers saying that in the slight possibility he can not be "brought back", the doctor's are not at fault. He was really depressed after that.


    What should I do to comfort him the few days before the surgery?
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Sounds pretty normal. IMO the best thing is to just be there and try to enjoy the time you have with your brother. None of us know how much time we have here and we don't have anything but a series of moments together. I try to just stay in the moment with the person I'm with and not focus on the other things I'm not doing right at that moment. Then I just try to go with the flow...no matter how goofy.

    I pray that your bro will be ok, have a speedy recovery and go on to enjoy a life as a light weight!
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Not sure what you can do to comfort him beforehand other than being with him and just simply listening to him. Maybe talk to him about the improvements in his life that will be made possible by the surgery and that anesthetization is a necessary part of that.

    I had a friend go through that exact surgery though - maybe mention to your bro that he will want to avoid foods that expand quite a bit ie. breads because they'll just get caught up and make him puke, and that eating 6-8 smaller meals is far better than trying to stuff 3 regular-sized meals through that band. My friend also set a goal for himself and bought a brand-new downhill mountain bike after he lost 100 lbs of his pre-surgery weight, which seemed to improve his morale because previously he couldn't even get on a bike let alone go downhilling.
     
  4. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island // Virginia Tech
    Yeah, the nutritionist has my brother on a liquid diet. He's lost 35-40lbs before he is even walking in the doors of the surgery. I think that's an accomplishment in itself.

    So, did your friend go through any mental issues while on the diet? My family has a small history of mental disorder and mental problems. Do you think he might fall into a strong depression? It's one of the things I'm scared of... because I know I've felt depressed... but have come to terms with it... (I'm a fake emo kid). I'm just afraid he'll hurt himself more than he needs to. I sorta feel sorry for the guy, as much as I despise him.

    It's gonna be weird to not see him for 4 months, then come back and see him at 240... and then 180...

    o_0
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Yeah, he was/is depressed and I know his weight troubles are a factor although I'm sure they're not the whole story. He had the operation around 3 years ago and lost quite a bit of weight, but he's not quite happy even still. I don't know what his weight is now but I think it's over 200 (which is still quite a marked improvement over what he started at). I don't know whether he's adhering to a diet but I think it would be particularly hard for him since he's a trained chef and does indeed like his food. He made some bigger life changes - quit his job as he wasn't happy there and made a long-awaited move with his family to Australia - and I don't talk to him as often any more, so I can't say for sure how much his weight had to do with his unhappiness or whether he was able to get past the depression. He took his bike with him, though. :dunno:
     

Share This Page