Broken up, still living with ex, new man on the scene

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by tecate, Oct 8, 2007.

  1. tecate

    tecate New Member

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    Hey all... here is the summary...

    i have a 2.5 year old baby with my ex.. we still live in my apartment.. out of compassion i decided to let her stay with me because she is studying and i didnt want to kick her to the kerb.. i also look after her sister.. i basically provide for everyone.. pay the bills.. feed them.. clothe them.. etc. Anyways she went away to visit her family and has met a new guy.. who i met today as he drove them back from the families place. So this to me is an idication that she has moved on, i have also moved on and i am seeing someone else. I am happy she has met a new guy because i want to see her happy and it was an amacible break up.

    Now the problem is.. she is still living with me.. under my roof.. and i am still providing for her and her sister along with baby and myself.. my friends think this is unresonable and my new girl thinks this is insane..

    I think after 3 months she should be out, but i dont think im heartless enough to just give her the boot, but am i just being a floormat by letting her stay?

    All opinons welcome
     
  2. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    how the hell did you get another girl to date you in that situation? :rofl:


    give her a reasonable notice that it's time to move on. a month should be more than enough.
     
  3. tecate

    tecate New Member

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    easily, i was totally honest.. she knows the situation.. and shes not happy with it thats for sure.. its like a catch 22.

    So 1 month is the standard at this point. k
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    since she hasn't gotten the hint yet, i'd draft a form eviction notice and have her sign it.
     
  5. tecate

    tecate New Member

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    yeah thats not a bad idea.. is it too harsh or am i just being too soft?
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Sounds as if you are a pushover already. :dunno: I dont think people telling you to do different on the internet is really going to do any good. You knew before you started this thread what you needed to do. You have a new girl that I am sure has already explained how stupid your current situation is, yet you seemingly have done nothing. Im just trying to figure out the point of this thread?

    Throw her out. I wouldnt pay a dime more for her or her sisters expenses either. Keep up with the kid, thats your job as a parent, but you have no reason to be throwing money away on an ex and her sister when you could be saving that money for your childs future.
     
  7. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    .
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:
     
  9. GreyRS

    GreyRS Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

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    Don't "throw her out" but, do let her know it is time to go. I could almost understand if she were paying her own way and covering for her sister but, from what little you tell us, that does not seem to be the case. If her family lives near enough to drive to and from, she should consider moving back to them. I understand she had your child but there has to be a limit to what you do for her.
    Don't be rude or mean and do not mention the other guy. She will see it as you being jealous. Just tell her that it is time for her to stand on her own and take care of her sister and herself.
    You each have your lives to live and the current arrangement is not conducive to that happening.
     
  10. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Fuck sincerity, kick that bitch out! You're the caregiver of your child, apparently she's not. Granted she's in school and has a sister it might be a little harsh just to "boot" em' out.. But, don't hinder your life for her anymore.

    Move em out.
     
  11. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Why did you guys break up?

    Assuming it was a mutual break up and you guys still get along well and you still care for her as a person I would just let her know that you don't want the new guy coming over to your place and that she has 1 month to get out. If you want to be a standup guy, offer to help her look for a place so it doesn't seem as if your just throwing her to the curb.

    Good luck with all this though... That is a pretty shitty situation. Be careful that this arrangement doesn't ruin the current relationship you're in.
     
  12. Mr. Bungle

    Mr. Bungle *lube'n up the shock paddles*

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    Will your daughter stay with you? Who has custody?

    Why do I think none of this is in writing...:ugh:
     
  13. tecate

    tecate New Member

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    Thanks for all the opinons guys, i really like to look at all the options before i go in and make it messy.

    Yeah it is a pretty shitty situation, none of it is in writing.. it was a good seperation as far as i can tell, and we have arranged sharing baby.

    Well as an update she came home lastnight after 2 weeks away and basically handed me baby and then took a shower and went.. with her new guy. I wanted to lay it all on the line lastnight and let her kno which didnt happen because she was out with him until 6 this morning.. the time i had to leave for work, and babys daycare doesnt open until 7.30.. so this morning when she came home i basically said that i cant live like this anymore. We have to move on and live our own lives.. and i cant move on while she is living under the same roof. And i basically gave her 2 weeks to get herself together and find another place. I think helping her find a place is a nice gesture also but i have the feeling she is going to want me to provide the bond and pay for removalists also.
     
  14. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Let her know that you have no obligation to help her and you'll do what you can to help her as long as it isn't costly or an inconvenience to you. You've been more than a gentleman at this point and if you plan on keeping things together with your new woman, things need to change. Your new girl isn't going to stick around very long if you've got another female living in the house whether you're together or not, especially if you're paying for all her shit.

    2 weeks sounds like plenty of time. If she can't find her own place she can move in with her parents or her new guy.
     
  15. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    I'm surprised that she didn't come forward herself and decide to move out!! I presume she doesn't have any money? Does she have any family that could help her out? She could always move into housing commission...
     
  16. tecate

    tecate New Member

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    Her family is all interstate, and i dont really think a housing commission is a great place for a baby to grow up.. this afternoon i picked up baby from daycare like i always do and we were at home and i was making her some food, and her mum comes home.. says hi as she is walking up the stairs straight into her sisters bedroom.. and lies down and is on the phone straight away.. its heartbreaking to see when ur kid is excited to see her mum come home only to be basically pushed to the side like that.. its just not right.. im thinking now more then ever that i should take full custody of her because i can give her the love, support and financial stability that she needs. Apparently the new guy is hanging out with some kind of crims at a shared house in the middle of no where.. and im uneasy thinking that my child would be at this place with strange men all drugged up running around.. its just as tho the nurotic mum has finally lost it.
     
  17. Gillzeebub

    Gillzeebub New Member

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    Ur right, the described situation is absolutely wrong for a baby. I'm aussie too and i know enough about the public housing association to be able to tell u that if thats her only option for a place she'll be with u for another 6months atleast by the time they offer her something. Sounds like she's a young mum and wants to have her social life.
    Ur posts are getting more and more stressed sounding. I suggest u dont help her with any moving costs etc, she'll only expect that she can run to u for help with rent, bills etc when she is moved out. If she's mature enough to have the baby, handle school and has family close enough to visit ie sister... then she's definately mature enough to sort this all out on her own.
    My advice would be to take a step back, make it obvious ur taking a back seat from now on. U've already given her 2 weeks so just sit back and enjoy ur new relationship. TBH it also sounds as tho u may want to think about custody of the baby. good luck :)
     
  18. tecate

    tecate New Member

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    Thanks Gillzeebub... thats how i feel.. and u give some good advice... i have been in contact with her brothers and sister, and they are all saying that she is acting strange.. and basically like a teenager.. im 26 she is 27.. and i definately want to take custody of the little one.. not out of anger or like an ownership thing just because i beleive im more fit person to look after her. Well her siblings are basically telling me they think its a good idea that i take baby and give the mum limited supervised access.. which is harsh i know she needs her mum.. but she doesnt need to be living in a loveless house either.
    2 week clock is ticking.
     
  19. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Do everything you can to get custody of the kid and tell her to get the fuck out.
     

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