Broken Trust v.facebook

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ASIANPRIDE, Sep 18, 2008.

  1. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    Well my current and I are approaching our 4 month on the 24th here. We are at the stage where we can say "I love you" openly and mean it. Now I have trust issues from previous ex's who have cheated etc. and I told her how I wouldn't like the idea of her going to the clubs without me. That turned into a talk about my ex's. She let slip that she had read something about my "sorta ex" and that was my alert that she had read my facebook msg's. She also said she looked through many pics of the "sorta ex" and I, and that they were on my facebook but I have yet to delete, the permissions are set for my view only.

    When I confronted her comments that uncovered the fact that she had been going through my messages. I asked her how she knew some particular info and she txt'd me "What. I already told u. Leave it alone. I was just telling you it seemed like more and yes it seemed that way but now you're making that an issue". The issue is that she asked about a previous girl I was seeing, that she knows, and I never told her much about it because it was none of her business. I never lie, I just limit what I tell ppl with regards to things that are in my past and have no relevance to the current relationship. The issue I was pushing for was how she knew about me not talking to my "sorta ex" and that the "sorta ex" wanted me back, she lied and told me not to worry about how she got the info, and said she didn't go through my facebook and read it somewhere else. When she got mad for all the millions of pictures I have up, which I don't since I've restricted access to "only me" that was my second clue to know something was up.

    She proceeded to use defensive reasoning and began to hang up on me, not answer, and get mad @ me for something she did. Obviously she was guilty because she started to project her negative self image onto me. When she finally admitted fault I went on a rampage of txt msg's to her and these are her any my replies:

    ME: "you read my msg. that's the only way you would know what that said. or see the pictures. you betrayed my trust and now you're lying to my face and you wont answer".

    HER: "Will you even have time later? I want to do everything i can to fix this but I just want you to know that it is very unfair that u only had 1% trust in me in the 1st place. I understand where ur coming from n i would be upset if you lied to me too but i feel like cuz of ur past ur giving me the severe short end stick. I would not react like this if the tables were turned."

    HER: "In fact we NEED to talk because i know i was wrong but this situation is completely unfair."

    ME: "you may think this is unfair but it comes down to respect. It's upsetting to you that you are in this position but you put yourself here. And the tables would not be turned cuz I would never put myself in your position. I never lie I just limit what I tell ppl. You don't need to hear about my ex's cuz really it's non of your business. But because you went behind my back to make it your business, is where the trust was broken. You never thought to ask. We could have sat down like adults, instead you went behind my back, then so easily lied when all i asked for was the truth. So on this we will figure out where to go from here when we talk in person. I'll meet you where ever you are for as long as it takes for this to never happen again. I'm willing to tell you anything, but I'm not willing to just give things up unless asked. You just took and you need to be held accountable for your actions."

    HER: "That's fair but the degree ur taking it to is not. I know because ive been there and know how i would react.. Ur making it like i always lie n that u can't trust me. I can only say sorry so much cuz I KNOW that I shouldn't have lied n don't know y i did"

    ME: "Txt msg i'm sorry all you want i wont accept it till I hear it in person and see you say it from your heart"


    So I'm currently @ work and still plan to hash this out tonight. She thought I didn't trust her because I don't like my g/f going to the club w/o me. I know she wouldn't take anyone home but I don't need some guy who's game is tyte fuckin with my girl when I'm not around to cock block his ass to the dirt. I told her about how I was cheated on many times and lack trust in women so I'm less inclined to have my g/f go to the club w/o me and w/ all her single friends. I never said I didn't trust her but she said that if I can't trust her then I shouldn't be in a relationship. On that note I told her about my ex's a bit more and she let slip some info that was the red flag against her. Her actions of invading my privacy resulted in my trust being broken when I confronted her about it, proving she lied. Was it her that lacked trust in me? Since she was the one to go an invade my privacy and then lie? Perhaps I'm the one who only got the 1% trust. :o

    I need some advice, this is a first for me, and furthermore, what she read was a msg so long ago that she had to have gone through many to find what she was looking for. The msg spoke from my "sorta ex" about how she wanted me back and that she was dissapointed about me being with my current who she knows personally. She also wanted to be "friends" still but I didn't even fucking reply back to her cuz well when she was supposed to be with me she fucked some other dood while I was @ Coachella.


    cliffs: g/f got busted for looking through my facebook restricted WS "only me" access pictures and a msg from my "sorta ex". I confronted her about it, she used defensive reasoning and began to get angry @ me for being upset about the broken trust and invaded privacy, such that if she was in my position she wouldn't react the way I did. On that note I wouldn't put myself in this position in the first place. So give me your advice. I love her and need a fix. :hsd:
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2008
  2. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    Aqua, you're right, I should have just deleted the pictures awhile agou but there are a shit load of othef pix in the albums worth keeping. The one's of the "sorta ext" aka the girl I was seeing don't mean anything to me and will be deleted asap since I haven't looked at them in months and wont in the future.
     
  3. giz

    giz Active Member

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    probably a good idea
     
  4. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    It's the invasion of privacy and trust issues with lying I'm trying to find a solution to....the background is just to give you insight into wtf caused the problem. :hs:
     
  5. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    yeah...well our ex issues will be continued for awhile...her ex of 4 years is still building a house for her....and has put her family in quite the financial debt because he's an incompetent contractor that is way behind schedule. Not to mention her mom displaces her issues with regards to the house on me cuz I'm the new guy that took her away from him....Fuck that she dumped him cuz he's a loser and needs to get his act together and finish the house they started. Oh he was supposed to put 60k in but well didn't. Oh and he's fucking my ex....:o
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I'm actually with your girl on this. I mean no, she shouldn't have snooped, but in my eyes why should it matter? I give my woman free access to any and all of my stuff. If you care about your girl then calm down and talk to her and LISTEN to her. Sounds to me like she is acting this way because she is scared to lose you, which is a good thing. Maybe she did break your trust, but it wasn't by cheating on you, it was by checking up on you. You both obviously have some things to work through, but in my opinion this is all stuff that you can work through.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Not worth it....

    Also, don't have conversations like that over text messaging. Wait to bring it up until you can talk in person.
     
  8. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    100% agree with you...I hate doing shit over txt, msn, whatever the fuck...if there is something to be discussed it should be in person....I think that ppl lose 90% of what is really being said through txt msg, as compared to speaking in person.
     
  9. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    Well she had trust issues cuz I didn't want to give her my pass to my comp...Don't need her snooping around some old pix of le ex's I may have kicking around. :naughty:
     
  10. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Sounds to me like she has reason to be suspicious then. Even more reason I'm on her side. If you didn't have anything to hide then this wouldn't even be an issue.
     
  11. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    Yeah I just don't need her looking through my shit then coming to me with issues that bother her. If she didn't look in the first place she wouldn't have been upset by what she saw. Which wasn't anything in the first place. I just think that if you want to know something or see you should ask, not take.
     
  12. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    I had pix of my ex's on my comp and I haven't taken them off so that's why I didn't let her have my comp pass....I'm going to delete them off my comp so that she can view whatever. But why would I want her on there to snoop which she would and then get upset with what she finds...Stop her in the first place. I don't see why some things can't still be private.
     
  13. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    You intentionally kept her from something because you knew it would upset her. If you could tell she was intentionally hiding something from you, wouldn't that bother you?
     
  14. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :bowdown: Couldn't have said it better myself.
     
  15. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    I wasn't keeping anything from her. Why would anyone want to sit down and look through pix's of their current SO and their ex's...I think you're failing to see the point that I wasn't hiding anything, and I wasn't up to anything either. She could have asked, but instead she went looking for something that wasn't there cuz she has trust issues.
     
  16. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    very true...I'm going to delete the crap on my comp tonight...who needs nudes of their ex's amirite :hsugh:

    and my shit auto logs in on my laptop so that's my own fault, but still why exploit it...she shouldn't have looked through my msg's looking for things that aren't there in hopes to find something bad.
     
  17. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I disagree with you. She should not have gone behind his back. If she wanted to find things, she could have easily asked. Snooping in my eyes means no trust. And I don't think it's cuz she is scared to loose him, she was pissed about his reasons for not wanting her to go out to clubs alone, and saw more into the situation she was in than there really was.

    And if those are her words, then she is trying to make him look like the bad one and put him through a guild trip for "acting so harshly".

    If you are in a stable and trusting relationship, you shouldn't feel the need to "check up" on your SO. THAT shows that there is something wrong and the person is having doubts. And I have messages and stuff from guys, and most of them are random, and a few are ex's contacting me again, but it wasn't anything huge, and wasn't anything that made me want to be with them again, and some aren't deleted because I am lazy and just havent. If a SO that doesn't have trust saw that, they could easily blow it out of proportion when it wasn't warranted. Which is what his gf is doing.

    I wouldn't deal with her, if she does it once, she will have no qualms about doing it again, she will just learn to be more sneaky next time. There is plenty more girls out there.


    And he shouldn't have to delete the pics. They are part of him and his past, and if they aren't paraded around, it shouldnt be an issue.
     
  18. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    smartest post i've read all night....this is what she read from my "sorta ex"

     
  19. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    because I have travel pix and event pix with all my other friends where an ex happens to be in....multiple ex's for that matter...you're not being realistic my camera folder is 13.6 gigs full and has over 36,000 pictures i'm not about to delete it all for no plausible reason.
     
  20. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    Lookinglass....I feel that my trust has been broken and then I got slapped in the face for being upset. :mb::mb::mb: if she was in the position i was in she wouldn't act this way :mb::mb::mb: well tough nuts she's not and she needs to be help accountable for her invasion of privacy and lack of trust in me to know I'm not fuckin' around on her. I want to make this work...but I need to look towards collaborating a solution that fits the bill
     
  21. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    and that is fair...I will erase it...and show her I have nothing to hide...still...it's fucked up she doesn't trust me enough to go thru my facebook and look for shit in the hopes to find something...like is she looking for a way out? she says she loves me incredibly...but how can you love someone you don't trust 100%...I would like to think that love is an ever growing developing feeling and emotion that changes to both grow and strengthen over the period of a lifetime with your SO.
     
  22. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    Is it ok for her to go through my msg's without asking?
     
  23. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    no its not. And I don't understand why she felt the need to go snooping. So you have ex's.... everyone does. and I highly doubt that everyone is an angel is every relationship, and I think that your current SO has shit hiding about her ex as well.

    She should have asked first, been open and honest with him on what she wanted. But she wasn't, she decided to take the little info that she got from him, and run with it.

    And lets not forget she lied about snooping. I just can't believe you all are sticking up for this girl.

    You need to sit down and talk with the current, and tell her what she did was wrong, and she should have felt that she could have came to you about anything, no matter what it was. And that you felt hurt that she felt like she could not do that with you. And don't let her guilt trip you. And, if she wants all the dirty details, give them to her, but now that the spark of "cheating"(I guess thats what she thought you would do with the ex) has been planted, its hard to get rid of.

    I honestly wouldnt deal with her crap, its been 4 months, and its not like its too late to get out of the relationship.
     
  24. ASIANPRIDE

    ASIANPRIDE OT Supporter

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    :rolleyes: serials.....the 2 are completely unrelated...Me having nudes of my ex's on my comp. vs her going thru my facebook looking for shit is not even in the same realm...I'm going to talk to her about how I'm disappointed that she felt the need to snoop thru my msg's, the one i posted for you to read, and came up dry...and she went thru the pictures on my facebook albums that were public at one time but now private since I'm no longer with those girls. I'm hurt that she didn't trust me and was looking for a problem when there was nothing...she was wrong for snooping...and that's that...I don't care if someone tells you there is 20million in a bank and the security guard is off duty that day and it would be ideal for you to rob the place...you're still not going to take what isn't yours..amirite...regardless of what was told before...why perpetuate more dishonestly...
     
  25. SPACECATAZ

    SPACECATAZ New Member

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    This is so stupid and childish. :rofl:

    If you want to "keep" them for remembrance or something. Just take the pics off of facebook and put them on a usb drive or something or somewhere deep in your computer where she won't find them.
     

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