SRS Broke up with girlfriend yesterday

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by trom, Jan 6, 2006.

  1. trom

    trom New Member

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    My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday. We're both seniors in college and had been dating for about 9 months.

    I'm not exactly sure how I feel about the whole thing. The main reason for the break up, as I understand it, was that she didn't think the relationship was progressing, mainly due to me. There have been a couple times when she mentioned that she wanted me to be more "boyfriend-like" and that she felt unappreciated.

    I have no problems talking to people and being social, but when it comes to serious I guess I'm not very open. I second guess myself a lot - to the point of not saying anything in fear that it's not really what I think (if that makes sense). I'm like an extrovert with an overwhelming inner dialogue. With her I've had trouble being up front and confrontational about things on occasion.

    Depending on how I look at it, there are some good things about the break up, and some bad. I'm just having trouble figuring out and weighing which are more important. Lately, maybe the last 2 months, I haven't been having as much fun with the relationship - physically and socially. Not to say it's bad, just not as much energy as there was previously. I don't know if this is due to me actually losing feelings for her or just the natural progression of all relationships, ie - the initial fire fades away. A third possiblity is that it could be due to the winter season. I always get a little depressed and blah in the winter. So I don't know what to think.

    She still cares for me a lot, and I for her. Both of us feel like crap. Neither of us has any ill feelings towards the other. It's just that she doesn't think she could handle the stress of graduating college, looking for a job, and moving, etc. with me not being more open and emotionally available, so she thinks the best is just to move on. The thing is, I'm not sure if I'm capable of it. :hs:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    In other words she wants you to support her, and be there for her and lend a ear to listen to her emotional needs. There is basically a communication problem of indeed you 'not' being open, and therefore unavailable for her emotional needs. Stop rambling in your mind ,listen + concentrate on her needs, then give your opinion on it,based upon what you formulated in your head.

    It should be something like.

    her: am i looking good. you: of course you do
    her: should we buy this device. you: no its too expensive
    her: Why are we never going out. you:we are going out this friday.

    and not.

    her: am i looking good. you: ........:hsugh:
    her: should we buy this device.you: :hsd:
    her: Why are we never going out. you::squint:

    My advice is to be RESOLUTE, and make resolute decisions. Sometimes you have to walk thru the desert storm that you have in your mind towards a goal, your inner thoughts must be aligned with your gf's feelings.

    You see a relationship is a 'continues' investment, if you don't pay your girl the time/money/attention that she deserves she's gonna drop you like a brick, and she has.

    When you can apply this all as said above, then you can give this relationship or any given relationship with a gf another chance, its the same for everyone, no one likes to be neglected right? :sadwavey:
     
  3. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Ah I know what you mean by not being capable of not moving on. But lucky for you, although it ended, it ended peacefully and it was left open ended. Meaning there is still a chance for it to work like Dark implied. Dark's hit it on the head with how you need to do. Weigh it out thuogh. You have the oppurtunity to give it another shot, take it if you want and don't waste it. If you still think it's best to move on, then be stron and do so.
     
  4. trom

    trom New Member

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    Thanks for the replies.

    The last two days have sucked. I had talked to her everyday for the past nine months, except for 2. I've never felt so lonely before. :hs:

    Dark - Thanks for the advice. It's not so much that I have problems with the kind of stuff you listed, but more serious stuff. For example, her parents who lived together for 22 years are getting a divorce, which initiated this summer. When she got the news, I didn't know how to respond. All I did was hold my arm around her and listen to her talk. It was pretty one-sided. It 's that kind of situation where I become tongue-tied for fear of saying the wrong thing. I'm just plain old not good at consoling her. She later said she felt like she had to go to her girlfriends to really vent about it.

    Also, the topic of what to do next year is a sensitive one. She had been thinking about it for quite awhile, and I, of course, had pushed it into the back of my mind, hoping not to deal with it until I absolutely had to. Now is the time of campus recruiting and the big job search, so we had to figure out if we were going to be in each others' plans. Eventually we sat down and discussed it. This was one of the times when she mentioned she felt like I was so distant with certain things, it didn't seem right. She said she ought to be able to know by this point in the relationship what my ideas about next year were.

    I'm going to talk to her today. I'll try to maybe write down a few notes to myself so I can plan around what I want to tell her.

    I've realised that she is extremely special and I might have messed up something wonderful. :wtc:
     
  5. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    Ah. good luck with the talk. I write notes sometimes too. Hope it goes well.
     
  6. trom

    trom New Member

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    Thanks. :x:
     
  7. Digits

    Digits New Member

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    Theres alot of fish in the sea...

    But when one has your heart we all kind of forget that. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. Move on. You'll never meet someone the same as her. But who's to say you wont meet someone even more wonderful? Love hurts though...

    With the consoling thing. I don't know if you sit there saying absolutly nothing, or if you have very few responses, but it sounds like she's being a little selfish. Your not a psychiatrist.. But at the same time, you should be able to come up with some responses like "don't worry, it'll be ok" and ask some simple questions that you know wont get you into trouble. No offense to her, but it sounds like she's being a baby. My parents divorced when I was 16, pretty crucial age and ya it hurt, but only for a couple of days. And she's in college, she should be able to handle it. There are alot of things that are worse then a divorce.
     
  8. trom

    trom New Member

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    All is now well with my world. The talk went well. Thanks for all the advice. :)
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You can always try to use words of comfort, and words of support to lift her spirit, and besides i think that putting an arm around her and be there for her was a very sweet thing to do. :)
     

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