SRS Broke up because we had to, not because we wanted to

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jennyjenn, May 13, 2007.

  1. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    I feel kind of weird posting about this but ohwell.

    I'm originally from Delaware and I moved to Oklahoma to go to school last August. I met a guy on myspace (yeah I know I know) before I went and we really hit it off. We started dating almost immediately after I got there. I ended up hating Oklahoma and since my brother lives in Colorado, I decided I needed to get out of Oklahoma for my sanity's sake and move there. I was only dating him for 9 months which really isn't enough time for me to either stay there for him or him to come to CO with me so we ended up breaking up and not even trying the long distance BS...even though we both still have feelings for each other. I've never been in a situation like this, never been dumped, always been the heart-breaker so to speak. So now I'm here in Colorado and I just feel awful. I haven't been here long but I love where I'm at I just really miss him. I suppose I'm just looking for some insight. There were things about our relationship I didn't like (he was really pessimistic and afraid to fall in love) so I go through times when I'm glad that I'm here and we're broken up but mainly I'm just really missing him because the last month I was there in Oklahoma, our relationship was really solid and great even though we both knew I'd be leaving. Ugh I don't know. I also feel like once I get a job I'll make some friends from that which would be good because right now I don't know anyone. I just really liked him. We still talk pretty much everyday...maybe I shouldn't do that, I don't know.

    So like I said, any advice on how to cope or just some encouragement that I'll be okay... because right now I just feel like I'll never find someone else like him. Thanks :hs:
     
  2. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    keep yourself busy for now. you are in a new place so it wouldnt hurt to go out and meet people. Try to do your best to get out and not be stuck at home.
     
  3. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    maybe you're just feeling guilty
     
  4. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    about what?
     
  5. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    Yeah, like I said, getting a job will surely help that. I'm not a very outgoing person so meeting new people isn't the easiest thing ever, especially since I won't be in school for a while. I noticed a lot of you saying to other people to exercise to relieve stress, and I've been riding my bike, so hopefully that will help. It definitely makes me feel better when I do that.
     
  6. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    about ditching someone you actually liked, maybe even loved, just because you didn't like the scenery.
     
  7. cd7

    cd7 how troublesome

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    always keep yourself busy, thats how you move on. start going to the gym more, make it a daily routine... and going online isnt keeping yourself busy
     
  8. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    You've always been the heart breaker and seemed to have no problems with that. :hs: I'd be afraid to fall in love with you too.

    I've been lectured about missing great opportunities. If you love him, then maybe you should try the long distance thing for a bit and see how it goes.

    If you are sure that you don't want to see him or talk to him again, then just tell him that you cannot see him/talk to him because it hurts too much or whatever excuses girls give these days.
     
  9. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    Yeah I want to take some yoga classes and maybe go on some group bike rides, I know they do them somewhere around here. Climbing sounds really fun.
     
  10. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    Well to defend myself on the heart breaker thing... 1st relationship went bad after 3 years due to long distance and the 2nd, well, I don't even count it because it was a disaster and it was only for a month or two. And also, he didn't ever love his ex girlfriends either, and he dated both of them for a year and a half, each. So, really, I don't think it's me who has the problem here besides maybe not being good enough for him or something. He doesn't want to do long distance, he automatically dismissed it. I just need to get over him.
     
  11. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    I like to think it's a little more complicated than that. I mean, yeah, I do feel bad for leaving but really, I just couldn't live there. It was a huge culture shock in the worst way possible. Having constant panick attacks and being depressed is just not healthy. And it was all because of the location and being away from family and not really getting any emotional support from him.
     
  12. -argonaut-

    -argonaut- New Member

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    Alright, I may catch some shit for this for being "negative" or whatever but..., you asked for it and ultimately, I'm just helping you to be honest with yourself, hard as that may be.

    1) You admitted to knowing that the relationship was doomed from the start;
    2) You're the one who "decided" to leave after showing up and hooking up with the guy after a big on-web buildup;
    3) You've admitted to playing the game ("heartbreaker");
    4) You say that you're "looking for some insight" when it appears as though you've gotten all of the "insight" that you need, seeing as how you're the one on the receiving end of it now...,

    All in all, it seems that it's not so much that you're looking for "advice" or "encouragement" as it is that you're looking for someone to help you to stop kicking yourself in the ass for having something served up to you that you would normally serve to others, albeit, even asking for it. Hell, perhaps it is that, on some subconcious level, you harbored some guilt for being the "heartbreaker" that you deliberately set yourself up for this fall so that you could experience for yourself the pain that you've caused others ?!

    So..., how does it feel and, have you learned anything ?
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2007
  13. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    I can see that, a little bit. Though I don't think people want to intentionally hurt themselves...for the most part.

    1)I don't think it was doomed from the start, really. It just seems goofy to meet someone on myspace, that's all. 2)I know I decided to leave, I just had to. The only thing that would have kept me there would be him. The school I was going to sucked and couldn't afford to go anywhere else, I was too far from family to handle it, huge culture shock in a bad way. We weren't really dating long enough for me to stay there, it's not like we were engaged. And we weren't dating long enough for him to move with me, either. He was confusing me a lot with mixed signals... "maybe you could be the reason I can leave here," and "you could be the one." I didn't really expect him to come with me, though he did get my hopes up. 3)I felt awful about the first guy I dated, since we dated for 3 years. The second relationship was a complete joke so I hold no regrets on that, though. 4)All in all, I feel like things happen for a reason and there must have been a reason I met him and a reason I moved. I will be happier and healthier where I am now. He even admitted (a day or so after I posted the original topic) that he thought I liked him more than he liked me anyways, so, I just have to accept that and let it go.
     
  14. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    I'm in Fort Collins. As for school... I'm not really sure what I want to do yet. CSU seems pretty alright though. I'm taking some time off so I can gain residency and pay less for school.
     
  15. -argonaut-

    -argonaut- New Member

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    Well, to be honest (in that often annoying way of mine), the first thing that popped into my mind were the words "cop out"..., but let me go into it a little deeper.

    No, people don't want to intentionally hurt themselves, but they do and quite often at that, particularly in the case of the opposite sex (uh, that be you) as girls are all emotion/everything for them is a sensory experience laced with intense emotion, which isn't a "bad" thing (it's actually a very "good" thing), it's just your nature.

    Because of this facet of your (girl's) nature's, you're open to experiencing all forms of emotion and will subject yourselves to a variety of situations laced with potentially emotionally charged circumstances just to see what it "felt" like, much like the situation in which you would place yourself so that you could feel what the guy felt when you dumped him so that you could understand what emotion it was that you saw on his face both on that day (the day you dumped him), and every other day you saw him thereafter..., again, I did say "on a subconcious level".

    1) In your opening post you referred to having the foresight of knowing that hooking up with someone from the myspace site was "goofy" ("I met a guy on myspace (yeah I know, I know...)". Reference above commentary for additional input;
    2) When you're desperate to find an excuse to explain your emotionally charged decision to break from the (your) norm and uproot yourself to travel across the U.S. just to hang with a guy, you'll be able to come up with any number of them when just about any will do so long as you won't have to accept the responsibility for the tragic mistake it was yourself;
    3) Now you also know what he felt like;
    4) Reference above commentary and #2.

    In short, you've proven to yourself that you can be brave, brash, daring and risque in indulging the adventurous side of yourself, you've learned what being dumped feels like from the opposite sex's (that would be me) perspective, and you've come to the realization that you're not quite ready to step out on your own in this big, bad, world we live in which, altogether, will help you to grow into the person you will be in life by providing you with insight to draw on in order to answer numerous decisions that you'll have to make in this life but..., you don't need "advice" or "encouragement" because you've got plenty of both all on your own.

    Good luck with that.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2007
  16. autobahn

    autobahn New Member

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    Sounds like you got what you wanted.

    Stop crying about a decision you made - you had plenty of time to think about the consequences.

    Move the fuck on if that's what your intent was.
     
  17. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    Thanks for your help. :rolleyes:
     
  18. jennyjenn

    jennyjenn New Member

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    I didn't move there "justto hang with a guy". I moved there to go to school and happened to meet him before I went and we hit it off. Just wanted to clarify that. I don't really know what else to say to you, I feel like you're going way too deep into it.
     
  19. -argonaut-

    -argonaut- New Member

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    I was just repeating to you what you had said, with a little clarification added in for embellishment to touch upon the emotion of the feelings you were expressing in your posts, that's all.

    I could have said that yours was yet another story of a wasted effort in that you'd already invested so much of yourself in the relationship before you even met/got together, only to find out that you weren't physically compatible after the fact..., though your "effort", as compared to most, would have entailed a considerable amount of "waste".

    That's unfortunate that both endeavors you undertook didn't work out for you, i.e., school and a new relationship, but you'll never know if you don't try, though I encourage you to keep an eye out as bad things usually come in three's....

    You may think that I'm reading too much into it, your situation, but hey, you did ask for it and what would you prefer? That I hold your hand and commiserate with you over your unfortunate venture (as you appear to want), or that I be honest with you and present you with a candid perspective of your behavior so that it may prompt you to question your own motives for such an act and, in doing so, learn a bit more about yourself ?

    BTW, just how long were you in school in Oklahoma before you decided that it was too much of a "culture shock" for you ??
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2007

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