breakup has left me doubting myself, how to cope?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Problematique, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. Problematique

    Problematique New Member

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    About four weeks ago, he broke up with me (as explained in a thread in the Asylum http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3142976). Unfortunately, we work together, and neither of us are willing to find a new job. However, last night I was informed that, just as I knew would happen, he has replaced me with one of my 'friends' from work who conveniently broke up with her long term boyfriend a week after he broke up with me. Someone that I confided in. Someone the complete opposite of me- petite, extremely popular etc etc, so my confidence has taken a huge hit. I'm not unattractive by any means, or so I'm told, but there's nothing worse than seeing somebody you love happy with someone who is everything you always wanted to be. I just feel so betrayed, that after 3 weeks, the two of them can do this and not give two shits. The absolute worst thing is, I knew myself, and he told me so last night, that I pushed the two of them together, because I thought he could help more than anyone on how to cope with her breakup.

    I feel like a complete idiot, because I knew it would happen and I've been preparing myself for it to happen. I have a tendency to find it hard to trust anyone, and I feel this is going to set me back to being worse than I ever was. I'm leaving the country for the summer come the first week in June anyway but I really feel so lost. It's really hard for me to let go of him, let go of the past, especially since I work with him and still care an awful lot about him. I know I'll get through it eventually, but I guess I just need some advice on how to cope in the short term.. I have so much to say to them after a sleepless night and I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to be the bigger person and let them make their own mistakes..

    I'm sorry if it seems like a long rant/waffle, like I said, not much sleep here. I'd really appreciate any advice anyone has on how to deal with having to be around them for the next 6 weeks.. :hsd:
     
  2. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    That's a pretty difficult situation, but you can overcome it.

    In all honesty, it may be a good idea to look for other employment. Personally, I know it would be almost unbearable for me to see my ex-girlfriend running around with Joe Blow from finance if we all worked together.

    No need to feel foolish or like an idiot, everyone learns from experience -- this is an opportunity for you to learn from the experience.

    In the short-term, I would break off all contact with him (and the girl) if absolutely possible; however, this may be difficult depending on your work situation. It goes back to my first point, find another job. I realize you're leaving the country and likely need the money you would make, but it may be better to not subject yourself to even more hurt.

    You will never get over him until you remove yourself from the situation completely.
     
  3. Problematique

    Problematique New Member

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    Well it's only a part time job- as we're all in college for another couple of weeks, then exams etc, so I won't be too subjected to his presence. I'd just feel extremely hard done by if I left the job, seeing as he pretty much got it through me.

    Ah boys (..men) are just assholes :rolleyes:
     
  4. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    The 6 weeks will suck, certainly, particularly as I assume that you have perhaps "lost" your friend who is now dating your ex (break ups often affect relationships beyond the one involving the two people dating).

    But, the whole trip in June sounds fantastic. Start planning now. It sounds as though you are worried about becoming someone you don't want to be (someone unlovable, lacking confidence, "being set back"). So be who you want to be during your trip in June, whether it's business or pleasure. You can even start now (well, maybe after exams). Do something you've wanted to do but never did or something you enjoy that the ex wasn't interested in. Get in touch with people you haven't talked to in a while. It all goes to restructuring your life without that significant other person who has provided a great deal of structure to your life.

    Hope this helps. I didn't go back and read the link you posted, so it may not be relevant.
     
  5. Problematique

    Problematique New Member

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    Way ahead of you there- getting my septum pierced on Friday. I've already done the obligatory drastic hair cut!
     
  6. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Well, some of the advice that has been giving seems like it's some that other people have given you.

    You just need to go out and have a good time. Just relax be yourself and let the laughs you have cure your pain.

    You going to be leaving shortly. So don't let this ruin the rest of your time here before you leave. Live your life and forget about the past.

    Just remember something, every event happens for a reason and causes another to start!
     
  7. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Wouldn't have been my first choice, but glad to see you're not wallowing in depression, pity, or the bottom of the ice cream case at the grocer's.

    Party on with your life.
     
  8. Problematique

    Problematique New Member

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    Sometimes it just gets so hard. I'm really positive when I'm around other people and talking about it, or talking about anything. But when I'm on my own for any length of time, and at night time, I really struggle to keep it together.

    However, I'm going to print out some of the more encouraging comments and the more positive advice people have given me- because it helps me know where I should be, where my frame of mind really lies.
     
  9. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Sit here on OT and just read and post.

    Should help you keep your mind off of it.

    It works for me.
     
  10. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Part of the benefit of being by yourself for a while after a break up is that it helps you reorganize and re-figure out who you are so that you can be single, deal/structure/manage things yourself, and have less need for someone else in your life. These sorts of things will also improves the quality of your relationship when you do meet someone special.

    Wish you well.
     
  11. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: You might want to stay out of the asylum though cause all the break up threads would just make it worse. The main forum is a great distraction from things.

    If you are at home alone then it's still important to keep yourself busy. It's ok to bad sad once in awhile but spending every night :wtc: isn't good. Try watching funny movies/tv shows, reading a book, calling a friend, reading fun websites, etc.
     
  12. Tiresias

    Tiresias New Member

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    Like someone told me once, start calling all your best friends and GO OUT! Don't sit around, kicking around thoughts in your head that just make you feel worse. Get on some cool clothes, and GO OUT. Go socialize, mix it up, take a road trip. Sitting in the same room will just box you in, so get out and get going. Don't go wild, just remind yourself that there's life after this sort of crap. Hit some bars, get some drinks, laugh a lot, and you'll realize that no matter what, life will go on.
     
  13. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Amen LOL
     
  14. razi

    razi New Member

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    a friend of mine told me the best way to get over someone was to get under someone.
     

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