SRS breaking up with GF because of finances ok?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by p00tan6, Mar 23, 2007.

  1. p00tan6

    p00tan6 New Member

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    In short i want to break up with my GF because she's debt ridden ($10,000 deep) and continues to get herself into debt. She thinks that it isnt a big problem, but i argue that it will become my problem if we were to be together in the future. Is this a good reason to break up with someone?

    Her argument against me is that all i think about is money and love should be #1 in a relationship.
     
  2. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    you are right, it will become your debt in the future...if she can make posititve steps towards eliminating it though, you should try sticking through it.
    im not sure if its a good reason to break up, guess it depends on how much you care about her
     
  3. Scootin

    Scootin OT Supporter

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    Honestly, it sounds like she just wants someone to stay around and help her with this debt. I hate to say that right off the bat because it may not be true, though.
    Sure, love in the relationship is important but you cannot, absolutely CANNOT compromise your life to that degree to stay with someone. Relationships are supposed to benefit both parties, not work only in the favor of one. You will ultimately be unhappy if you're dealing with her problems and your needs/wants are being left entirely unsatiated.
    You should also know that people who get in debt early in life don't change. They just don't. It takes something huge, like bankruptcy or a reposession, to kick them enough to make them change. She'll just continue accruing debt until you're both homeless and helpless, or you're working three jobs to keep up with her spending habits.
    My best advice to you would be to get out of this relationship before she drags you farther into her problems. If you feel bad about it, get her some financial counseling, but keep your distance. Her problems WILL become your problems if you stick around, and then your financial life gets screwed up irreversibly.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I don't think it is unreasonable at all to want to be with someone who is financially stable and responsible.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That's a very legit reason. My older brother was in your situation and he ignored it to stay with her. After they got married she went into major debt and they had to file bankruptcy. If she isn't showing a mature attitude for her finances and future, you have every right to gtfo.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You should leave.
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    She doesn't sound like she wants to change her habits so there is nothing wrong with breaking up with her.
     
  8. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Very legit she has a problem.
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    That's the key. If you just said "she's in debt, I'm out" then that's pretty shallow. If she doesn't want to do anything about it then it's perfectly acceptible to leave her.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Not being able to control spending = red flag.
     
  11. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    i'd be out in a hurry.
     
  12. p00tan6

    p00tan6 New Member

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    No its not like that. I tried to help her by giving her advice and all, but she's still go out and spend money on clothing and going out to eat...stuff like that.
     
  13. p00tan6

    p00tan6 New Member

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    I don't think her intention is for me to pay off her debt. It's just she's really young , stupid and does not know the consequences of being in debt and having bad credit.
     
  14. porsch1909

    porsch1909 OT Supporter

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    Don't marry her....co-habiting couple ftw?
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Skip out, in a materialistical world, materialistical problems count. It would also give a lot of relationship problems, fighting over the money etc etc. She is a financially immature and unhealthy person to be with.
     
  16. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    If this is debt like student loans, then I'd say maybe reconsider. But, it sounds like its more like overspending on just everyday stuff.

    You've said you've talked to her about it, but maybe she doesn't really understand the impact being in debt can have on her life (besides the possibility of you leaving her). It takes a while to change those kinds of habits, and telling her not to go out and spend ANY money on food and clothes is unreasonable.

    Maybe take her to see a financial adviser and have them break down her spending for her. Have them calculate how much she should be putting towards her debt each paycheck. Use a program like windows excel to create a budget for her. Then, see how she does. It might take her a bit. BUT if this is the only real kink in your relationship, it may be worth working out.
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Education debt = ok and acceptable
    Other debt, like "omg I just have to have these shoes" deb = red flag
     
  18. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    its naive to think that love conquers all. If she doesnt have the money management skills now, and refuses to learn them, then no amount of money will be sufficient and she'll drag you down with her

    your only other option is to sign prenups and never let her touch a penny of yours
     
  19. Lateralus

    Lateralus New Member

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    I would never be with someone that couldn't control their spending and/or was horribly in debt, it's just a red flag of what is going to happen in the future. When you think about marrying someone I would think you would want that person to be responsible enough to know the difference between a need and a want.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Assuming her debts are not educational related:

    Tell her you want a wife for whom wealth accumulation is a priority because you want to a) retire early b) never have money be an object c) fully fund your kid's college d) something else. Tell her her financial habits are not conducive to accumulating wealth. You cannot be the ony one saving in a relationship.

    I was watching Dr. Phil once and it was "couples who fight about money" or something like that. The husband made like $500k a year. The wife didn't work. This family was very in debt (100s of thousands of dollars) because the woman couldn't control her spending. Even at $500k a year they could not recover because she could not stop spending. He said he would divorce her if she couldn't stop it. She began crying and said "but I can't help it."

    For people like that, making lots of money doesn't solve the problem; it gets them into even more debt.
     
  21. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If she's getting into debt for stupid stuff like clothes and going out to eat then I wouldn't stick around. How old is she? Your profile says you're 26 so I'm guessing she isn't really that young.
     
  22. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    My shrink has been in business for many years and has counseled many couples. He said what he sees cause the most problems in relationships are time, space and money matters.
    I'm not asking these questions but he does...to unravel many common probs in relationships:
    How do you spend your time?
    How do you keep your space (as in living space)?
    How do you manage your money??

    I've worked very hard to get my finances straightened out and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some woman come in a wreck all that. No way, I'll break up with a woman if she isn't willing to do the hard work required to straighten out finances....life is just too short.
     
  23. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Emphasize that it's her habits that are the main problem, and her growing debt is the aftermath. Unwillingness to pay debts is a character flaw, albeit one that can be corrected - she's ignoring her obligations. I wouldn't put up with it and neither should you.
     
  24. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Being unable to handle money is one of my turn offs. Hell I dumped a girl because she lived pay check to pay check and was always borrowing money from her parents to pay off her CC Bill.

    Yes its a legit reason, unless she can fix her problem... there are other girls out there.
     
  25. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    that was my point... if one day she said "I'm in debt" and you immediately bailed then you'd be kind of a jerk. But if you tried to help and she doesn't want it then adios and don't look back.
     

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