SRS Boyfriend kissed another girl...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by lisanxd, Apr 30, 2006.

  1. lisanxd

    lisanxd No Doubt Obsessed

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    My boyfriend called me very early this morning to tell me that while drunk at a friend's birthday party, that he made out with this girl he'd been talking to. It wasn't just once, a couple times... he said over a period of 30 minutes along with talking. This girl is even his friend on Myspace because we all go to the same karaoke bar. I don't think I personally know her, or well did know her before this.

    I don't know what to do. At first I felt like this could be forgiven eventually after talking and working through things... but the fact that he told me it wasn't just one stupid drunken kiss gets to me much more than anything else.

    We've been together for 7 months now and I love him a lot. I'm torn on what I should do. Does it make it any better that he was honest with me? (And I wouldn't have found out any other way besides him fessing up)

    :wtc:
     
  2. chainsawbarbie

    chainsawbarbie New Member

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    I would leave him... it's cheating, and it's not fair to you.
     
  3. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i would personally leave him -- drunk or not he still cheated.

    it was good he was honest with you though...not many have the balls to do that, at least not right away anyway
     
  4. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    He's not into the relationship half as much as you are. I'll be honest. I've dated girls where I didn't even look at other girls because I was so into them. On the other hand, I've dated girls where all I did was look at other girls even when I was with them.

    My guess is that regardless of what he verbally tells you, he does not love you nor thinks you are long term material.
     
  5. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

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    If he kissed another girl while drunk this time, it might get worse next time. You're better off leaving the guy before you get hurt badly.
     
  6. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    leave his ass. he doesn't appreciate you.
     
  7. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    You have to give him points for being honest. You also have to find out how sincere he is in his apology.

    How often does your boyfriend get drunk or was this getting drunk a one time thing? Was the girl drunk also? If they are both friends, it may put a strain on their relationship but in which way is what you have to find out.
     
  8. lisanxd

    lisanxd No Doubt Obsessed

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    Does his sincerity and honesty come into play at all here? He even doesn't want me to say yes we'll still be together right away because he wants me to think about it logically and whether he really deserves me still.. The girl was just a friend of a friend, they just added eachother on Myspace a few days ago after briefly talking at the karaoke bar they both go to. He is in no way trying to rationalize what he did either and takes full blame.

    Ah, what to do!
     
  9. Banana Mike

    Banana Mike Guest

    A lot of people will stay in relationships that are unhealthy / have problems like this solely because it's the easier thing to do. I would suggest thinking about your decision and following through with whatever you decide. Don't say, "Well, I think I should leave him but if I do then these other things will have to happen, so I might as well just forgive him .."
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    If he cheated once, he WILL cheat again. That kind of speaks for itself.
     
  11. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I would never be able to trust him again. I would also kick him to the curve. However I am not you and I can't tell you what to do. You need to do what you are prepared to follow through with.
     
  12. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    you dump him. He sounds like an honest smart man, but still that doesnt mean you take a cheater. Thats just my rules. But he does sound like a good friend to hold on to as many men can't do what he has appeared to do.
     
  13. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Assuming you're not in highschool or junior college, then he didn't cheat. Horrible images in your head like his cock in her ass while she calls him daddy and then pees all over him in your bed, thats cheating. This is a mistake, and it is forgivable. If you want to. Take a break, and if you both miss each other like crazy and you believe he won't do it again and is sincerely sorry and won't put himself in that position again, and will break off all contact from the girl (has he already deleted her from his myspace? Why not?)... then take him back.
     
  14. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    How do you justify saying this? I agree that for some people they could move past it and call it a mistake but I think to label it as mistake you need to understand that he cheated.

    If you wouldn't do it with your partner standing right next to you, it is cheating.
     
  15. Azazel28

    Azazel28 New Member

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    I think it is still cheating, however what I think he means is when you get older you tend to act a little more mature in these types of situations. If is a "real" relationship, you look at maturely through all angles not try to over dramatize the situation which was young people/minds tend to do.

    Overall, this situation is a very difficult problem to solve because we do not feel how she feels towards this person. It really comes down to a judgment call from how well you believe you know your significant other.

    I've been dating my girl for 3 years now, I don't know exactly how I would handle a situation like this, however I would give it a lot of thought...communication with the other party is key.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I wouldn't get a lap dance with my partner standing beside me, but thats not cheating either. Once you create this all purpose word 'cheating' in your head and apply uniform outrage to the word... it loses all of its value and meaning. Stop tricking yourself.
     
  17. auero

    auero word.

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    Alcohol changes people. I would not let him get DRUNK without you to be honest. If he cares about you what so ever, he will listen to you. He was honest and he told you. I would give it another try.
     
  18. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    You should look at it as what you would expect in return. For me personally I want my lucky lady to be soley interested in anything sexual with other peopel to want to do it with me. I dont want her kissing other guys as I wouldnt do it myself. But thats just what I think.

    If you think it's ok to kiss another girl or in your case to kiss another guy and be forgiven then take him back as that is what you would expect in return. I personally wouldn't. But just judge this on what you would expect in return if you were him.
     
  19. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Nobody is saying it wasn't wrong. But its not quite the same as anal sex with a hooker, either. Its possible to get over this, if she wants.
     
  20. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Agreed. However, if he did again, then I would kick his ass to the curb and spit on him.

    I do have to give him points for being honest about it tho. There's merit in
    that.
     
  21. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Well I wouldn't get one without my partner and he wouldn't get one with me. At the end of the day that is what I call cheating, and a lot of others, and my partner is of that understanding. It works for us :)
     
  22. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    That's all grand and lovely, and he probably does have your best interests at heart.
    But it also sounds like he might want out of this relationship. He's offering time apart, telling you to take your time, he may not deserve you, and is eager to say "Yes, it's my fault."
    That may just be blatant honesty - or more likely, a way out.

    Do you want to keep this guy, this relationship?
    Ask yourself that first. If you don't or think you can't handle the idea that he might cheat again, get to stepping.


    Btw, I personally think it is cheating, despite the debate here. That's a personal decision though. If it's physical pleasure from someone other than you, he felt guilty about it, ....etc, etc
    The people who say it isn't cheating is relative to how much they themselves would cheat, imo. ;)

    **I do agree that is is forgivable, you should give him another chance if you want to. His honesty is a good point.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I don't think this is grounds for a break up. This guy is no saint, but as far as sinners go, he's not that bad either.

    I'd consider this a warning sign. Pay closer attention to your relationship.

    Something's obviously not right, and ultimately if it's not fixable, your only solution may be to break it off.

    But we're a long ways from making that determination.
     
  24. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I think a lot of it in regards to cheating is the culture. I have found that in American it is as if up until that ring is on the girls finger the two involved are pretty much able to do what they want. Here in Australia once in a relationship you are in a relationship, doesn't matter when the ring comes and if trust is broken it is classified as cheating and in most cases a dumping offense. Those who stay don't do so because it is forgivable, more so because of low self esteem (and we have a lot of them here)
     
  25. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    As far as you know... it works UNTIL someone cheats. This thread is a great example of why your falsely binary system sucks. You're talking as though its the same if he fucked a hooker or smooched some girl. And it makes SENSE to you that way. But it doesn't make any sense at all. You've chunked the wrong concepts for simplicity's sake, and its affecting your judgement. Which is not helpful to the poster.
     

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