SRS boyfriend joining the navy reserves

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by liralita, Apr 14, 2008.

  1. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    and breaking my heart in the process. basically the situation is, we've been on and off and currently live in different states, and now he's made the decision to join up to pay for school. he's convinced he won't be shipped anywhere that would involve him in the war, whereas other people are telling me he's fooling himself. the next four years of his life are pretty much sacresanct, so what do i do? other than wait and see where we are in four years? is anyone aware of how much danger he's actually putting himself in here?
     
  2. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    break up with him so he doenst have to worry about you when hes way. btw lets face it, you will most likely be forced to cheat on him since no one woman can live without a man for 4 years, or more...
     
  3. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    nah, it's not a "omg wait for me!" sort of situation. we're not specifically together, if something happens with someone else then something happens with something else. if it's just casual sex, whatever, if it turns into a relationship then we'll deal with that too.
     
  4. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    well if its like that, might as well do whatever you feel like and then have him contact you when his service is over to see where you two stand
     
  5. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    that's the general plan. :/ can't help being scared for him.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You don't want to be in love with someone who is so reckless with his life. He's in love with the army, not with you.Because If he cared about you he would stick with you , and wouldn't let you worry so much, he just does whatever he wants. I wouldn't join the army regardless. I wouldn't attach myself to a guy like him , its better to seek someone who can provide you with a decent and safe future.
     
  7. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    well, we're twenty. :/ The Big Future isn't really on either of our minds. like i said, he's joining to pay for school and for the experience/opportunities, but being reckless with his life is a fair point. unfortunately you can't choose when and if you fall in love, you just have to deal with it when it happens.
     
  8. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I wouldn't consider him reckless at all. It sounds like he is getting some direction in his life.

    Not only is he wanting to serve his country, he is also wanting to go to college. Any attempt to stop him would simply be selfish on your part.

    There is nothing wrong if you don't want to stick around while he does it, but it's his decision and it's a much bigger decision than a girl he fools around with.

    Oh, and tell him to quit being a whiny bitch by worrying about going to Iraq. It's the military, not girl scouts.

    Other than that, thumbs up all the way on him wanting to serve. Joining the Marines was the best decision I've ever made.
     
  9. egxflash

    egxflash Riding on the Midship Express

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    gee...way to screw the guy over for trying to do something with his life.

    i completely agree with you here. although me joining the marines was essentially the straw that broke the camel's back with my last serious relationship, it was good to see how her true colors when i got back from training.

    he's joining the navy. sure, war is war, but unless he's out to be a green corpsman or a SEAL, i dont see many scenarios where his life is going to be seriously threatened.

    its a pity that many of the guys who join the military to serve their country, get some discipline in their life, or just want to be part of a bigger cause gets screwed by the mentality the US has had since the gulf war, when a lot of women, looking back on the vietnam war, pretty much deemed men on deployment as "guaranteed to die, so let me go look for the next one to come."

    on a side note, he's going to be in the reserves. until he goes out on deployment, life is pretty much going to be the same as before since he's going to be a civilian 28 days out of the month.
     
  10. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

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    this guy pretty much hit the nail right on the head.

    You should be happy for him, It's not like he's leaving you for another woman. He's doing something with his life.
     
  11. dura

    dura Guest

    Yep, take everything Socrates said into account. egxflash is right too, the reserves is almost like being a civilian when you're not drilling or deployed. I've personally never met a Sailor deployed to Iraq/Kuwait for more than 6 months, but it might happen. There's a chance he might not ever be deployed. There's a lot of variables in the mix. In any case, don't let your support flip flop. Nothing will tear a guy apart more than losing their SO during a deployment.
     
  12. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    You're too young, the relationship sounds like it will end regardless of him going to the Navy.

    This is a blessing, end it and move on.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So...you're off and on again with this guy...so not really in a stable relationship with him.

    You live in different states...so you're not close to him geographically.

    And you're pissed that he made a choice about what to do with his life?

    Explain to me where you have ANY real claim to feel this upset about this?

    You two are pretty much just casually dating if you happen to be near each other.

    Move the fuck on with your life, find someone to be with consistently, instead of on and off again.
     
  14. BCKane

    BCKane KPS 99

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    Holy ignorance of the Military, Batman.

    The very first question out of anyones mouth should have been what is his MOS? That will have a HUGE impact on if he will get activated (mostly Eng, Log, MOS get activated recently) as an individual. Second he is in the Navy Reserves and doesn't have a duty station yet, so your all jumping the gun way too quickly. He could be attached to an MSC group in Washington state and nothing will happen except his normal 2 days, 2 weeks.

    Other than him going to Boot this should put almost no strain on your relationship that isn't already there. If he is already antsy and wants to get away, then this is just an excuse. Let the relationship run it course, the USNR should have no effect on your relationship unless he gets activated (though he has to go through a hell of a lot of training before being deployed).
     
  15. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    If she is this controlling now, the relationship likely won't last anyhow. I didn't even bother to explain the probability of him getting deployed :)
     
  16. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    WTF? :ugh: This has gotta be the worst advice I've ever seen you give. He's a 20 year old kid, it would be stupid of him to give up on doing what he wants for a relationship that isn't going to work anyway. They've been "on and off" and aren't even together now so there is no reason he should care at all about what she thinks. And joining the military to pay for college is hardly a reckless thing to do. Sounds pretty smart to me actually.
     
  17. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    Whoa, okay. Some points:

    I'm not trapping him into anything as far as forcing him to consider this a long term relationship, 20 to 24 is a long time and those are some huge years to sign away. We've merely both awknowledged that at this point in time, we mean the most to each other out of the people currently in our lives.

    I'm not pissed at him in any way, I think it's amazing that he's finding direction in his life and has found something he's really interested in doing. I think this will be an amazing experience for him and have no wish to hold him back.

    Thanks to those of you with more millitary knowledge then I have for explaining more clearly what exactly to expect.

    To clarify! I didn't mean that joining the military to pay for college was a reckless choice, just that he has been reckless with his choices in the past.

    Also, I never asked him to consider my opinion on the matter. It's his life, obviously, and even if I wanted a say in the matter all I'd want to do would be support him.
     
  18. BCKane

    BCKane KPS 99

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    Gotcha.;)
     
  19. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    do him a favor.. dont put any shit in his head if he does get deployed. make the letters or emails or phone calls pleasant talk about happy things.

    most importantly don't tell him about the other dudes you are fucking even if they are totally awesome, he doesnt care or want to hear about it.

    dont bring up petty shit with him either, make it your mission to keep him as happy with you as possible, if he gets deployed he'll need it.
     
  20. liralita

    liralita New Member

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    that's my plan. don't ask don't tell kind of thing. even if he's not deployed, being away from the situation with no control in the matter, i'd seriously doubt he'd want to hear about it. likewise with him.
     
  21. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Getting yourself killed in the militairy is hardly a good investment for your future, is it really what he wants? He's just gambling if you ask me, his assumptions that he won't be deployed are absolutely based on nothing.

    He could have made other choices that would gave better results and wouldn't put himself at such high risk, and wouldn't make his gf so worried.

    Think about it, his gf is worried sick about him because she loves him, even if they were on and off, she'd be heartbroken to hear he got killed, if he had any consideration for her feelings, but that's why everyone saying he's reckless and fooling himself. People who are reckless don't belong in the militairy to begin with, they're the first who get killed in combat because of their impropriate decision making.

    Next to that there are better ways to pay for your college, a regular side job could do the trick just as fine without having to kill or getting yourself killed. I therefore don't think he made a smart decision towards his situation, nor towards his loved ones. :hsd:
     
  22. BCKane

    BCKane KPS 99

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    Wow, you are pretty uninformed when it comes to the military man. You should do some research on the number of Combat troops we have and the number of support staff that it take to put those troops out there and keep them out there. Not to mention this guy is joining the Navy and unless his specific MOS is required, he probably won't deployed to Iraq or Afg.

    On top of that we have a VERY professional military, you don't throw "reckless" people in to combat because they get others killed too. I'm not sure where you got this perception of the military from, but it is WAY off base. You seriously need to do more research before spouting this stuff, it is unbelievably ignorant.
     
  23. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    DE, I generally agree with a lot of your posts, however I'm in disbelief after this one.

    If it wasn't for 'those people', you wouldn't have a country to live in.

    Let the man make his choices and live life, this is a decision I wish I made when I was 18. The army can be very, VERY beneficial for both future jobs and future financial sources.

    Just because he joins the military doesn't mean he's getting deployed. You should say thank you, not, don't go.
     
  24. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Darketernal, I typically think you give some of the best advice on this forum and I always look forwards to reading your posts. However, in this thread, I can't believe the quality of the answers you're giving. Even the most left-winged liberal would be laughed out of the room saying the same stuff.

    The U.S. military consists of nearly 3,000,000 people. How many have died in Iraq? About 4,000. I can't possibly understand how you would consider that dangerous. He is talking about joining the Navy; not the infantry in the Marines or Army.

    Without those people who you think made the stupid decision of joining the military, you wouldn't be enjoying the life you're living right now. Perhaps you should give a little more credit to the men and women who died for your freedom.
     

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