SRS boyfriend is HIV positive

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by squeaks, Jan 23, 2007.

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  1. squeaks

    squeaks New Member

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    Ive been in a 3 and a half yr relationship with the guy I thought I was going to marry. But my boyfriend has HIV. He was diagnosed in September but I didn’t find out till early December, when my own mother told me she had heard rumors that his mom (who died over thanksgiving) had died from AIDs and that he had it too. I was devastated and thought how stupid I was, bc it seemed to make sense..why he was getting so sick and why he was taking so many Rx meds. I confronted him and he denied it..so I looked through his Rx meds and found 2 drugs specifically for HIV. He still denied it. I took an HIV test 2 days later and for 5 days, I was scared out of my mind..and contemplating suicide if I was positive. I tested negative, but was told that I could still test positive since I was tested only a few wks after our last sexual encounter. hes been really sick lately..he had a herniated disk and had back surgery for it which left him totally bedridden and unable to walk and recently, he developed viral meningitis, probably bc after his mom died, he quit taking his HIV meds. I took another test recently and tested negative again. My next test will be in February so hopefully I will be in the clear after that.

    That leaves me in a relationship with someone that I know will die early one day. My nights are consumed with how angry I am that he could betray me and put me at such a high risk for this awful disease (we never used condoms bc I was on the pill and since we were both virgins before we started dating, I never thought about this risk) and that I hate him. And then I think about how he could just die in a year..5 years..or 10 years. And knowing that even if I married him one day..he would never live to be an old grandfather or even to his 50s (his father also died from AIDs in his late 40s). Im angry bc his mother had this disease and didn’t think to get tested and take necessary precautions so her kids wouldn’t get it. Im angry and upset bc its not fair…I feel like God has singled me out to put me through this awful horrible pain. I cry every nite, bc I love him so much and knowing he has this disease honestly scares me. A part of me wants to run away and be a normal 21 year old..not have to deal with the hospitals, the doctors, making sure he takes his meds everyday twice a day..i sometimes just want to quit. And i feel so horrible for thinking that. and other times i know im in denial that he has it..i just pretend he doesnt have it and for a while, it seems like he doesnt. thats all i have to say for now and sorry for it being so long
     
  2. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    fuck...
     
  3. BadRotation

    BadRotation New Member

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    Speechless as well. I would say to cut ties with him, since he lied about it and is knowingly putting your life in extreme danger.

    Then I would reccomend not sleep with anyone for quite a while, and keep getting tests done, it can take well over 6 months for it to start showing up.

    Keep getting checked, and I wish you the best of luck.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :hug:

    wow...I'm really sorry to hear this. All I kept thinking while reading your post was, what a betrayal on sooooooo many different levels.

    I'm confused tho, how do soooo many people in his family have HIV? Was he born with it??
     
  5. Lateralus

    Lateralus New Member

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    I was literally in shock reading your story, you have no other choice but to leave him though. What he did brings lying to a whole different level, like others have said just keep getting tested and hopefully the tests continue to come back negative. Best of luck.
     
  6. jjski78

    jjski78 New Member

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    I can't really explain how your story made me feel. I guess sad for you, and really pissed off at him. He knew the whole time he had it, and never told you??!! Do you know that people are thrown in jail for doing that?? It's wreckless endangerment if I remember correctly. That being said, I understand the whole being in love thing, but I think this trumps the love card hands down. What kind of person would put someone they "love" in such a dangerous situation?

    Anyways, that's what I was thinking. Good luck with whatever happens.
     
  7. Platinum_Thunder

    Platinum_Thunder Reliability for life and liberty

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    fuck is right
     
  8. ay thunderrcat

    ay thunderrcat You can have all the hoes, I'm gon keep the women.

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    wow... its gonna be tough for you.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Deliberatly having unprotected sex while you know that you have HIV is more worse then trying to murder someone, and if he wouldn't die from his disease already there are a lot of states which would easily give up 15 years or more jail sentence , if you think of all the horror you would go thru , not to mention the horror you already have been thru. I suggest you seek counselling assistance immediatly. :hug: and post here on the update of the last test you will have.
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :eek3: No it doesn't.

    I can't imagine a bigger betrayal than someone else taking MY life in their hands and not telling me. Don't let guilt keep you in the relationship.........apparently he didn't feel too bad about trying to kill you every time you slept together AND lying about it more than once.

    If I was you I'd leave him and not think twice about it.
     
  11. Changed

    Changed Guest

    wow. If I were you I'd call the police, and never look back.
     
  12. squeaks

    squeaks New Member

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    yea his mom and dad used to live in africa and his dad contracted there somehow..he doesnt know how..then gave it to the mom who gave it to him..luckily his 2 younger sis dont have it
     
  13. squeaks

    squeaks New Member

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    and to answer someones earlier questions..we are both 21, and both eastern indian, i dont know how his parents got it, and i never even told my parents anything ( i just told my mom that the rumors had to be wrong) bc it would probably literally kill my parents since im an only child too. and no..i dont know anyone positive for Hiv/Aids..i never thought this disease could affect me so personally.
     
  14. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I'm a little speechless after reading the first post, so I'll just agree with you 100%.

    PLEASE don't stay with someone who has shown such a complete and utter disrespect for your LIFE!
     
  15. Discovery44

    Discovery44 Thread Killer

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    Whoa, sorry to hear about your current situation. It definetely sounds like an extremely complicated one.

    Anywho, on to business. You really need to leave this guy. I mean, this is one of the highest levels of betrayal and dishonesty that a human is capable of. You need to get yourself around a healthy network of support you can help you and provide you all the support you need in this time of hardship.

    I would say, try to stay productive until you are able to get the results of the next test. There is nothing you can really do now to make your situation better besides cutting ties with this guy. I wish you the best, and will be expecting some sort of update(s)
     
  16. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I agree. Try to stay productive and still active until you're able to get the next test results. Do understand that HIV/AIDs can show up late and not always right away so the symptoms of it can have a pro-long grace period (putting it lightly).

    I'm sorry to hear what he has done to you and we're here to help and support you as best as we can *big giant hug*.

    You should leave him, because he betrayed you in many more ways then one. You don't need to be with someone like that and especially if he's guilt tripping you into staying with him because of his disease. He should of been honest and up front with you. You should not have to take responsiblity of him--he should be able to take responsiblity for himself. Don't fall into his self-pity.

    Find counseling, a support group, ANYTHING and ANYWHERE you can go to, to get the support you need where you live! And if you can't do that then call a support line.

    *big giant hugs again*

    I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated. I (and hopefully others here on OT) hope you have good news when you return. :)
     
  17. I_Will_Call_You_A_Faggot

    I_Will_Call_You_A_Faggot Active Member

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    OMG....i hope and pray that u are negative...im so sorry to hear this.....
     
  18. BlaXicaN

    BlaXicaN Active Member

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    wow, so sorry to hear that

    shouldn't you be on antibiotics anyway just in case?
     
  19. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    So the thing I didn't see in here is the part about YOU LEAVING HIM......... is there more you didn't tell us? Why are you "stuck" in the relationship??

    What's the part you haven't said?
     
  20. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Wow. I'm so sorry for you! I'm speechless as well. Fuck.
     
  21. ndnxtc

    ndnxtc New Member

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    That is such bullshit. You need to definitely cut ties with him, he did not give you the consideration that you deserved, especially when dealing with an issue with such a caliber as HIV.
     
  22. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    By having sex with you without protection when he knew he had HIV, he was attempting to murder you. Would you leave him if he stabbed you in the chest?
     
  23. planeh

    planeh Guest

    my thoughts and prayer s are with you
     
  24. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    My thoughts are with you as well.

    As others have stated, please don't be sexually active with anyone, including him, for at least half a year OR MORE so you can be tested and can confirm you are clean.

    If he knew he had HIV before he went out with you, I'd suggest sending him to jail.
     
  25. Nightrox

    Nightrox I'm a brownie

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    I definitly would break it off.
    He had HIV and didnt say anything to you before having sex.
    That is completly inexcusable.
    I wish you the best of luck
     
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