boy issues.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by doggywh0mpus, Mar 22, 2008.

  1. doggywh0mpus

    doggywh0mpus don't get any big ideas, they're not gonna happen

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    i recently started dating a new guy after getting out of a year relationship a bit ago. he's an awesome person. the more i hang out with him, the more i like him.. but at the same time, the more i hang out with him, the more uncertain i get about him. he says he's never had a serious relationship, and i feel personally really self conscious around him, afraid we don't relate.. i worry about if he thinks he's too old for me (he's 26, I'm 20) or doesn't think i'm pretty (yes, insecurities and paranoia, blah blah.) and i wonder mostly if he is really in it because he actually truly likes me or just out of convenience; what i mean is, i genuinely like him and he can see that, but what if he just wants a relationship, not necessarily with me but with anyone and i was here and wanted it so he just kind of said 'sure, why not'?

    some little things he says just make me doubt myself and i do genuinely like him and i hope that things will work out with me and him but i don't know if i can get past these already apparent roadblocks.
    i just want to know how i can talk to him about this.. or what i should do because it's just making things really bad for me, and in turn bad for everything going on.

    serious replies, plzkthx.
     
  2. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Tell him the same things you told us.. You're worried he's in it because he wants to experience a serious relationship and you're the first person who came along. You should be able to tell whether he's lying or not fairly quickly.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I have learned very recently the importance of trusting your instincts. If you don't think he's in this, one of two things is happening
    1. He's not in this, and you need to leave him
    2. He is, and you're not in a place emotionally to be in it yourself and are projecting this on to him. Either way, you may want to take some time off and/or consider therapy.
     
  4. manchild

    manchild OT Supporter

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    If the two of you are both considering a serious relationship, then you're going to have to get used to talking through things anyways. If it is really bothering you that much it's something to bring up, because either you clear things up and everything looks good from here on out, or you find out he's in it for the wrong reasons and you'll save yourself a lot of trouble later.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like the real problem is that you aren't comfortable with yourself or having another serious relatinship right now. You like this guy, but you don't have to have a serious relatinship with him. Figure out what you want.

    I know you say you like him but you are already analyzing things you do and don't like about him and not giving him a chance. Who says you two can't just be casual, instead of escalating this into a more serious relationship, therefore making it harder to pull away from him if you don't think you two are right for one another (which you're probably not).
     
  6. fray

    fray New Member

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    over the years, I have learned to put more faith in my "gut instinct". Now, that isn't to say that your emotion/insecurity isn't influencing things, but if you feel like there are outright signs from him (and not just your own mental battle), then I would consider cutting my losses and letting it go.
     
  7. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    If that is the case, you could take this opportunity to work on your own insecurities, try letting go of the worry as you have nothing to fear. Instead of being on edge around him, do things that make you happy, dont try to be so pleasing.
    Guys wont pick a girl they find unattractive for said situation, you should be able to take some good from that. There is the possibility that he is "the guy" and just needs some education on a serious relationship. Most men are not big on feelings.
     

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