Not necessarily looking for advice on this one, but possibly insight? Not sure where I'm going with this...and it might be long to get all my thoughts out and give you guys some background. No cliffnotes will be provided I've been extremely hurt emotionally by the Maternal Grandmother. We've never been close, despite my attempts. I was closer, in many ways, to her husband, my StepGrandfather whom everyone called Skippy. He passed away last year When I was younger, my Mom says Grandma rarely spent time with me. It was like I was completely unwanted by her and no one's ever been able to tell me why. It's like I'm being punished for something I didn't even do. She even lived with us and avoided me at most costs. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't born to married parents I remember very little from the period of time when she lived with us. I was the first Grandchild ever born to her. My Mother was her eldest child as well. My Grandmother was only 16 when she had my Mom, my Mom was 24 when she had me and I was 23 when I had my daughter. Apples don't fall far from the tree. You would think tho, that all being young Mothers, all having girls first (FIVE Generations of women all first-borns) would create some sort of bond. When my Aunt J (who was married) had my Cousin, I was abour 4. He was followed by my other Aunt C's two girls and then Aunt J had twins. Only one out of my three Uncles had kids, twin boys who are now 11. Grandma seemed to adore Aunt J & C's kids, but I was always on the outskirts. My Mom and I moved away, but not terribly far, from where my Aunt J lived. But over the years my Mom and I both felt extremely unwanted and our visits began to dwindle until they no longer happened many many years ago. Until Skippy's funeral, I hadn't seen my Aunt C's kids since they were more or less babies. One is married and pregnant, the other in College. But Grandma spent plenty of time with them, always having Aunt C's kids to her home for weeks on end during the summer, same with Aunt J's. Grandma would travel the 18 hours to drive to Aunt J's house to spend time with her and her kids. But despite only being a few hours away from Aunt J's, Grandma never came to visit us. We invited her and she always said "We'll see" - Grandma speak for No. I visited Grandma the Christmas after my Husband and I got married - this is our 7th Christmas together, so it was 7 Christmas' ago (Christmas of 2003). She seemed to get along with Hubs, Skippy and Hubs and I had a grand old time. Skippy took us around Memphis and showed Hubs and I lots of different sites. He really got a kick out of being able to show us things since neither of us had really spent any time in Memphis. When I had my Daughter in Jan 2005, my Grandmother got upset because I wasn't doing things the way she thought I should be. But yet she never said it to me, she called my Mother instead I let it roll off my back - my kid, not hers, right? In 2006, she finally got to see my daughter for the first time. Skippy I think spent more time with her and bonded with her more then Grandma did. He got a total kick out of getting her to laugh! It was the last time I got to see Skippy alive When Skippy died last year, I didn't even hesitate. Hubs and I (he's Military) went to the Relief Society who purchased a plane ticket for me to attend his Funeral. He died October 27th, 2008 and his memorial was October 30th. I went without my daughter or husband for financial reasons. There wasn't a moments peace, really and I never got any alone time with any of my family members except my Uncle Don, Aunt C's husband. Before I left, since I knew that the house was going to have to go and Grandma wasn't sure what she was going to do, I let it be known to her that she was always welcome in my home. Whether it was temporary or permanent. All she said was "We'll see". Over the last year, I've asked her to at least consider coming out to visit. I always get the same answer "We'll see". I finally stopped calling her because I was always the one calling her and she never called me. I felt like, she didn't want the relationship with me and I was the one making all the effort. Then my Paternal Grandfather had two operations within less then 4 months. He's much older then Skippy was and it made me realize just how much I want my Daughter to have been able to spend SOME time with her Great Grandparents. I called my Grandmother the day before Thanksgiving. She's been splitting time between my Aunt J's home in central PA and my Aunt C's home in northern MO. I told Aunt C that I was intending to extend an invitation to Grandma to visit, on my dime. She said "that'll be really nice! I think she'd like that and she'd get to spend some time with that baby of yours!". When I finally spoke to my Grandmother and asked her to come visit, she gave me excuse about eye surgery and doctors appointments and various other things that could "get in the way" and of course the typical 'We'll see' that she always gives. I just don't understand. I have her first Great Grandchild. She's about to have 2 more (2 of my cousins are pregnant) and I feel like my Daughter is getting the shaft for the same unknown reasons that I have. My Daughter is completely innocent - I was fucking MARRIED when I got pregnant, unlike HER or my own Mother. You'd think that for as smart and gorgeous and sweet that my girl is, something would melt the ice. She's going to be spending all this time with Aunt C's grandchild and Aunt J's grandchild and she's only met my daughter ONCE. I am sick and tired of always making the effort and not knowing what it is about me that makes my Grandmother not give a damn about me at all. My Mom even said to my Aunts "She spends all the time in the world with your kids, there is no reason why she can't go and spend a week with K and her daughter. It's not even like K's asking her to pay for her own flight! They've offered to buy the damn ticket, so why can't she go?" and neither one of my Aunts could give a reason. They both got silent. I really don't know what to do about it. I'm not really looking to a message board for answers...more like venting I guess. I actually cried when I got off the phone with my Grandmother last time because I feel so hurt by her actions (and inactions). I feel like, if Skippy was still around, he'd make her see rationally. It's almost like without him, there's no hope. And I don't know what to do.