SRS bitterness, broken hearts, obsession

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by miniml, Apr 17, 2006.

  1. miniml

    miniml New Member

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    im only 21, and ive had my heart broken twice. as a result, i am somewhat bitter and stay away from people, especially women.

    there are girls i find attractive, and girls i have the urge to talk to, but i never go though with it because i immediately think of the "what if we connect, and i get my heart broken yet again" thing.

    so, to avoid people in social settings, all i do during the week is:

    1. go to work
    2. (soon to be going back to school after a break)
    3. play battlefield 2 (which costs alot of money becasue i play at a cyber cafe).

    my past relationships failed becasue i fall (in love) too hard, too quickly. i smother them. im overbearing. im obsessive. i cant stand to be alone. this scares them away.

    anyway, what people have said to me, is that before i get into another relationship, i should first be happy with myself. how do i accomplish this if inorder to be truly happy, i need somone in my life?

    im not sure exactly why i posted this. there arent really any questions.

    perhaps i could just get some feedback?
     
  2. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Find someone that will accept you for who you are. There are alot of great women out there, be yourself and you will find your match. Good Luck
     
  3. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Just be yourself you will find the one.
     
  4. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    try to see it from a girls pov...would you like having someone breathing down your neck all the time and having to know where you are every second? i'm sure it will make you think twice.

    as for being clingy...i think that's a confidence issue. you can't think that every guy that walks in front of your girl is gonna take her away from you...if that's the case then get over it and move on because she wasn't worth it in the first place.

    start being more picky in who you date...good things come to those who wait :hs:
     
  5. Ricey McRicerton

    Ricey McRicerton New Member

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    You're 21. You have your whole life ahead of you. Just don't settle for something less than you deserve.
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I couldn't disagree with this more.

    First off, it's not who he is that is chasing these women away, it's his behaviors. His behaviors need to change because he is demonstrating bad relationship behaviors. A lot of them stems from a low self confidence level. That needs to be changed, because if you do this, then you will find a new level of happiness.

    Second, to build your self confidence and self respect, you must be willing to. It doesn't happen overnight. You need to realize that you are somebody worth loving, and that you deserve someone who will respect you, and treat you right. If you meet someone who doesn't respect you or doesn't treat you right, you have EVERY right to break things off and end the relationship/friendship for good. A lot of the so called "nice guys" have this need to be liked-usually because they don't like themselves-and thus they fear to risk making others mad at them. They don't stand up for themselves-ESPECIALLY with the object of their affection. They become pushover doormats that get walked on. This is a HUGE part of why their relationships fail because women do not respect men who are doormats.

    How do you build the self confidence and self respect? It's not easy and takes time. First you have to realize you need to do it, then realize you deserve to have it, and then work towards it. A big step would be to start building yourself. Find things about you that you take pride in. A big recommendation is to go to a gym and start working out regularly. Once you start building your body and getting in shape, it adds a new sense of self worth. You feel better, you're in shape and can do more things, and you feel good about how you look, etc. Plus it gives you a hobby, and hobbies are very good for building self image.

    I'd say that is a good first step. Also, increase your knowledge about dating and relationships. Go visit places like www.friendzoned.com or www.sosuave.net or www.enotalone.com These places have a lot of discussions and help increase your understanding about women and why they do what they do. You usually will get better answers about women from guys who are good with woman as opposed to women themselves, but sometimes there are women who do give good advice that isn't contradictory to their actions.

    Start there.
     
  7. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    Changing yourself is an easy term to throw on a messageboard. Im yet to meet a person that did a 180, and stomped the ground with confidence.
    I say, be yourself, if there are little things that you can tune up, do it... No need to act like someone else, cuz sooner or later your true self will come out, and the other person might not like it very much.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Life is like a boxing game, being afraid that you will get hurt is useless, because you WILL get hurt, therefore might as well go for gold, and punch the living daylight out of your opponent which is life. Be a fighter , learn how to take a blow, and do that what is most important, not winning, not losing but the ability to move on and refuse to bown down to the negative experiences that life throws at you.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That's a cop out. Of course it doesn't happen overnight. No one said it did, but I know PLENTY of people who tood such advice to heart and over time was able to do a 180.
     
  10. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    and they were 100% confident with their "new selfs"???
     
  11. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Why is it a "new self"? It's a behavioral change, not a personality change.
     

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