SRS bitchfest..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by redna, Dec 16, 2006.

  1. redna

    redna New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    0
    A few things have happened lately that are just aggrivating the shit out of me so i thought i would vent a little.

    1. my music is getting fucking old to me. I can't figure out how to finish a fucking song lately. Nothing i write sounds good to me and i dont finish any of it. I want nothing more than to be involved in the music industry in some way but i can't fucking get this shit out of me!

    2. I just broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago and I've been kind of seeing someone new.. sounds great right? yeah, well not when she's married. I know that I'm a fucking asshole but I can't cut it off... I can't even explain it. I'm so infatuated with this girl that i can't control myself. Most of it is that i dont want to stop. She's everything that I've ever looked for in a woman. Everything. minus being married. haha.

    I know what everyone is going to say about this... and I frankly dont care so you can save your fingers if you'd like. I know I'm a prick. It's eating me up, but i can't stop it and frankly dont really want to.

    3. I'm tired of my life. not suicidal, but just fucking bored... I've done about all i can do where I'm currently at. I make more money than i can manage. I have people that care about me all over the fucking place and it doent satisfy me. I'm a prick, i know.



    I guess what it boils down to is that i can't get any satisfaction out of my life because I'm never satisfied with anything that i do or accomplish and that makes me want to sit there and do nothing with myself. I mean what the fuck is the point.


    I'm lonely in that i dont feel like anyone understands how I'm feeling and i can't explain it to anyone because it sounds like I'm bitching about great things. Things i should be happy about (which i suppose is true)... but if that's the case... WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT HAPPY!?


    If i step back and think about it i should be extremely grateful about everything that i have... but the thing is that I've come from nothing... became what i wanted, then crashed back to nothing... and now, I've acheived everything that i want again.. It's almost too fucking easy.

    There's no challenge in life and frankly I'm bored with the fucking game.

    I've seriously considered selling all my assets and traveling, writing music, and taking photos. The only thing stopping me is that it would hurt everyone i love.



    blah blah blah fuck life...

    /rant.
     
  2. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    1,651
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island // Virginia Tech
    Maybe the reason why you are not satisfied with anything in your life is because you are not satisfied with yourself. You keep calling yourself a prick... why? Why do you think you are such a prick? Stop calling youself a prick because you are subconsciously destroying yourself. Stop thinking about what everyone else thinks of you.

    It's not important what we think of you. It's just our opinion. What you need to do is find out what YOU WANT. What do you want to do with your life? Your songwriting is just a physical message of the struggle that is going on inside of you. You can't manage to finish any of your songs because you are not satisfied with who you are.

    Understand who you are and be satisfied with it, and I guarentee your music will come back. Or, vice versa: figure out something that you like writing about and you will start understanding more about yourself.

    And about the relationship: if you know you should cut it off and you can't, how about you talk to her? Talk to her and find out why? She might be just using you as a sexual front because it is lacking in her own relationship. Do you want to be used? Do you KNOW you are being used? Or does she really love you?

    And how would travelling and writing music hurt everyone you love? They should understand that it's something that you want to do with your life and they will accept it. As long as you come back to them every once in a while and on those special occassions you make an appearance. They should not stop you from doing something that you love. If they really love you, they will let you.

    The only way to find out is to ask.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    The bolded part is complete BS. You're not an asshole, you've just made some mistkakes. You made choices that got yourself into that situation, you can make choices to get yourself out of it. You're idealizng this woman. It needs to stop. Is she going to divorce her husband to be with you?

    I'm guessing some of it is that it's a little safe to get involved with a married woman...in the back of your mind, you knew you would never have to commit 100% from her. She's a woman that comes with her own safety net, so you can't get hurt.

    Quite frankly, the minute you started seeing her as more than a friend in your mind, you should have cut off contact with her. Don't tell me you had no control...you LET yourself get attached to her.

    You CAN end things with her. You're just using the infatuation as an excuse not to. How long are you going to waste your time on a married woman?

    Finally, it sounds like you might be somewhat depressed..have you given any thought to going to the doctor to see if he can help, or recommend someone to go talk to?
     
  4. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2003
    Messages:
    15,474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Socal
    post #2 is spot on
     
  5. redna

    redna New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    0

    Okay, I've read everything and I've got a lot to say.. but i dont have time right now. but to answer your question. Yes. She's leaving him as we speak. She's already got seperation papers filed, but hasn't filed divorce papers yet.


    I'm not sure that it's only for me, I am pretty positive that she was very unhappy with him prior to this.


    Also, I'm not idealizing her. For once i feel like someone is actually on my level.

    I've got more to say, but i have to go to lunch...
     
  6. redna

    redna New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    0
    By the way, I appreciate the comments. Thank you for listening.
     
  7. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2006
    Messages:
    2,038
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    robert sledge's party
    post #2 has a great point
    and i do agree with post #1
    you don't seem to have a lot of respect for yourself, and you seem to have a lot of unnecessary guilt. you said "i'm a prick more than once, and in the context of "i should be grateful for all i have, but i'm depressed, so i'm a prick." your life is seemingly in order, but you still feel like shit - that doesn't make you a prick.
    what are some things you could do to feel better about yourself - not looking at things you have or people in your life or that kind of thing, but your character. what are some things you like about the person you are?
     

Share This Page