SRS Bipolar spouse?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deadmeat, Dec 30, 2009.

  1. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    I think my wife is bipolar, perhaps slightly prior to having our twins but it seems much more so now.

    I threatened divorce last year because of her behavior, and decided to postpone my final judgment for a while once it occurred to me what the problem could be.

    SHe's on Cymbalta 60 and an anti-anxiety that she uses to be able to get to sleep. It's become a problem because she got lazy and hasn't had the antianxiety in a month or so.

    How can I approach her getting looked at/treated for this?

    I don't want to get divorced, I love my wife and kids, it's just that I don't really like her when she's on an extreme. It's either a bummer or really hard to keep up with - and it's never predictable.

    I just really want my life back.

    EDIT. Hell of a typo, I was trying to say I want my WIFE back.
     
  2. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    I'm no doctor, but I say take her off the meds and see what happens. My ex gf was also on an SNRI and she claimed it helped but from my perspective it made her worse. It was like she was having withdrawals from her medications. There were good and bad days.

    She'll probably be worse at first as she withdraws from the meds but once she gets over the hump you may see an improvement. I'm a huge believer in finding the cause of the depression and not just trying to throw medications at it to relieve the symptoms.
     
  3. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Also I should add that two weeks ago we broke up because of her unstable mood. She attacked me, I hit her back, and I ended up in jail. I now have a court date. I hope your situation works out better than mine :hs:

    Another thing - while anti anxiety drugs are nice for getting to sleep - they can have some bad side effects long term. I'm a big fan of diphenhydramine (benadryl) if I need something to help me sleep.
     
  4. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    What makes you think she's bipolar?
     
  5. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Mood swings. Up days, down for several days in a row. Right now she's up - all smiles, cleaned the entire house and damn near giving me a lap dance. Yesterday she wasn't so much.
     
  6. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

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    Any description of bipolar I was given had changes, but not on a daily basis. Fast cycling I was told was months at a time. Actually went over this with my doctor a few days ago, ruled it out because I've never had a manic episode. Then again your wife almost sounds like she has them, but it doesn't fit if it's day to day changes.

    Rapid cycling

    Obviously I'm not a doctor, but I'd get her checked out as you not being a doctor you think she is bipolar, and I'm not a doctor and I'm saying that it seems insane that it's happening day to day, and the other guy said to take her off meds.

    It could just be as simple as the meds aren't working and she needs something else? Either way withdrawal from them can be brutal, I wouldn't just cut her off.

    As for how to push her towards treatment or at least talking to a doctor? No idea there, good luck though.
     
  7. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    I have family members who rapid cycle.. shit is hardcore :sad2:
     
  8. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Please expand more. It may or may not be bipolar disorder but I can only tell if you are more precise and give precise examples on a day to day basis.
     
  9. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Precise examples. A 3-10 days in which very little gets done in the house, during which there is basically no touching, and during which she will smoke weed daily and basically ignore me and the kids. One day I'll get blown as a way to wake up, everything gets cleaned and put away (I mean spotless), meals get made, laundry gets done, and the kids get to do go all sorts of activities with her. She also gets basically hypersexual, like when we first got married. It seems more like she goes through periods of depression with sunshiney days (2 or 3 back to normal/her old personality) every week or two.

    I really think carrying twins fucked her up hormonally/chemically. I just don't know what she needs in order to get more stable.

    edit - if you look at the stuff she does... she's not responsible for all of those chores, either. I do approx half give or take depending on my work schedule. SHe also manages to exercise for over an hour per day usually if she doesn't have the kids - like they're at school. The exercise is no matter her mood.
     
  10. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    How about her sleep, her speech, how she acts in general and also towards you?


    Not sure how many symptoms she has exactly but she might sound cyclothymic or type II bipolar depending on the intensity of depression. It doesn't seem full blown bipolar which would have made things harder to change. It would be advised to ask her to see a psychiatrist to geta precise diagnosis and meds but I know it's a slippery slope.
     
  11. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Sleep is erratic, and her mood can follow whether she feels she got a good night of sleep. Her speech is fine, she gets a little forgetful sometimes. As far as toward me, one day I'm the devil and the next I'm her best buddy. She acts in general like people are always trying to tell her what to do, and they kind of are because she's kind of fucking up in general. She hates my family because they don't understand her, but in front of most people she pulls off sweet and smart (which she is when she's up). SO people with limited contact with her think she's fine.

    I think she's also smart enough to snow her therapist (not psychiatrist) into thinking she's a victim on a lot of stuff - her therapist seems to validate a lot of bad behavior (going out a lot and wanting unaccounted for time, etc). I KNOW she's not cheating (I subscribe to trust but validate, I KNOW.) It's more of 'checking out' behavior.

    I will be investigating your terms there, they're over my head but I will approach with my own therapist.

    Thanks for your help.
     
  12. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    She'd be better if she could see a psychiatrist to get a good and clear psychiatric diagnosis. Psychologist are good at talking things through but they're not the best at diagnosis. It could be important if she needs meds which she might if she's really cyclothymic. I'm not sure it's the best diagnosis though since we can't exactly tell what's going on in her head. Other things could explain her behavior, like personality traits which are not enough to warrant a personality disorder but could be important enough to be a hassle. My best bet so far would be Borderline persoanlity trait because someday she hates you someday she loves you. Self-defeating traits could also be possible if she messes up often (although it's not a true diagnosis, the Self-Defeating personality is sometimes used to describe people). Could also be Oppositional-Defiant symptoms.

    So yeah, it can be complicated and if she doesn't see a psychiatrist I wouldn't expect a clear cut diagnosis. Psychologists are not into that kind of thing and they couldn't prescribe appropriate meds anyway.
     
  13. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    How old are all of your kids? What's her employment? Does she spend time with hobbies/friends?

    She's self-medicating with the weed. Honestly, she/you(plural) should have a few sessions with a good psychiatrist. There are almost certainly a bunch of contributing factors to the situation, and you need to find and address each of them. Since nothing you've tried yet has solved the situation, there's probably more to it than you're aware of.

    Most of all, though, she needs to know how desperately unhappy you are. If you haven't told her so in a calm, no-nonsense fashion, now is the time (and don't let her draw you into an argument about it). You want to find a solution that involves her being happy and you getting your wife back, right? Focus on that angle.
     
  14. Sooka

    Sooka New Member

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    Terrible idea. The withdrawals from some prescription meds, especially anti-anxiety meds such as benzo's, could be deadly depending on how long the person has been taking them for and how much the person takes. If you want to get her off meds then have her talk to her doctor about having him taper her off the meds. But DO NOT just cut her off completely or she can have very nasty health consequences and it is generally very dangerous to cut anyone off their meds without talking to a doctor and/or lowering their dosage first.
     
  15. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    Six months ago I was diagnosed as Rapid Cycle.

    Stick with her man. If you believe (it seems as though signs are pointing to it), that she is bipolar (or "just" has extreme mood swings), talk to her when she's feeling on an Up Slope, and try to get her help.

    It may take a few times to gently work onto the subject. Maybe once she realizes what it's doing (be honest with her and tell her how you feel...about divorce and everything..), she'll want to get help.

    My father was an undiagnosed bipolar. My Mom got daily beatings. I got beat for taking care of my baby brother while she was at work at night for just being out of bed, not to mention the mental shit we went through. It took me quite a while, but I realized that I was starting to get shitty and snappy with my wife and daughter.

    I got to the point where I yelled at my wife for no reason and I started fighting myself. Phsyically beating myself down. I blacked both eyes, bloodied my nose, busted my lip, etc because I couldn't stand what I was doing. NOR COULD I UNDERSTAND.

    That's when I got help.

    Sometimes it takes extreme wake up calls to set things right.

    After going through different medicines, (One of which caused me to retain water like hell.) I'm finally leveling out.

    I still have my ups and downs from time to time, but you know what? Now that I know what i'm dealing with, it's easier for me.

    Granted, it's hard to know which feelings are true and which are false, but with help, it is manageable. She's got to want to get help, though. I hope she realizes what she is doing and wants to get help. You sound like a great Husband and Father.
     
  16. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    My brother does this. He snows his therapist into the victim act. He also tricked him into perscribing him Xanax. (He loves how they make him feel.) He also got him to double the dosage to sixty pills at 1mg, 2 times a day. He does not take them as prescribed and is out of them within 4 days. Those four days are hell for the family.
     
  17. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    She could also have postpartum.
     
  18. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Your wife sounds like a carbon copy of my ex gf. It's the meds and the weed. Substance abuse killed her emotional stability. That and stress.

    When I was finally forced to break up with me ex gf I realized just how much weed she had been smoking. It took me a couple of weeks to smoke what she smoked in a day and she weighs like half of me.

    I'm quitting smoking weed myself because it's causing me to be depressed and anxious when I don't have it. And I'm a stable guy with no mental disorders.

    I'd recommend first she quits the weed. Good luck with that one. I tried to get my girl to quit for years. She'll cry and whine and rationalize all of the reasons why she needs it.

    Then I'd work on getting her off the meds unless they really do stabilize her. Talk to a doctor about that. Like I said the meds just seemed to make my girl worse. I'd rather try to figure out why she's depressed and work on fixing that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2010
  19. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    My ex gf was an expert at playing the victim.
     
  20. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    They actually convince themselves that they are the victim. It's actually kind of amazing to witness in a way. Seeing how they feel true apathy...
     
  21. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    for 5 years?
     
  22. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    Ok. I have another question. Is it possible that this is all me? Am I the crazy one? Is the fact that I'm considering that this could be me an indication that it may not be me?
     
  23. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Even if you had a negative behavior which lead her to act this way, she'd need to get help on her side to get better. She needs to do something.
     
  24. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    Doubtful...just threw it out there.
     
  25. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    :o
     

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