SRS Binge Eating / Food Addiction(anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Aug 29, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I have realized that i have an addiction recently that's been ruining my life for 2 years...

    I've started binge-eating on the first year of university when i started smoking a lot of weed.And the residence food being so readily available, and the stress of being in a very tough program, i started binging...

    I left high school at a muscular build (185 at 6'), ery social, popular and good with the chicks and since then put on about 60 pounds... basically i'm fat and i hate seeing old high school friends.. and their look of suprise in their eye... I binge almost every evening, i barely eat during the time during my times of binging... When i get off from work/school, all i can think of is eating.. and not just one mcdonald's meal or one burrito, but 2-3 portions during one evening until my stomach hurt. It's very sad, i thought putting my weed in control would help but it didn't but i want to quit the food and the weed, but i binge without the weed as well.

    I go through cycles, i diet vigorously for 2-3 weeks (low-carb diets usuallly) lose alot of weight, and feel great... become social and outgoing again, get my old funny/cocky personality back a bit.. and sometimes even get a phone number or two because of the confidence i feel, but these phone numbers don't go anywhere because by the time i need to call them for a date, i'm back at binging and avoiding society... This is so depressing, i feel like i can either diet (following it very closely) or binge...

    This addiction ruined my academic performance as well, i just spend hours and hours watching tv shows and binging... I just put on a tv show and eat every night... It's so depressing.. i think being a bit depressed (being new at a university and away from home) brought on the binge eating at first, but now binge eating carries my depression...it's the cause of all my shortcomings... i'm not morbidly obese but i feel like it, i'm so self-consious, it makes me not wanna do anything...

    Anyways that's was me venting, and this is the part i ask for help... I came to understand this isn't just eating too much, it's the same cycle of being addicted.. I noticed that i literally relapse on my addiction.. So i want some help, and i don't mean going on diet websites and getting a list of which foods to eat... I think this is somehow genetic too, because i'm pretty sure two of my sisters are going through the same thing... One worse than the other... She's very depressed and doesn't go out.. She grew up very skinny and hot and popular in high school and so.. And what triggered her addiction was moving to Canada...

    Anyways ask away all questions and any advice or thought is appreciated..

    Also i know how people think "how can someone be addicted to food, just put the goddam donut down" but believe me it's not like that, i think it's the same as addiction to drugs... You know it's ruining your life but you can't stop it..

    Cliffs:
    started binge eating in university
    now depressed and anti-social (along with other things ) because of it
    looking for help.
     
  2. Jimeigh

    Jimeigh Every rook and jay in the corvidae have been raven

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    was my post deleted? for what reason?
     
  3. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Have you attempted to go to the gym?
     
  4. jim1234664

    jim1234664 New Member

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    I go thru the same thing but my cycles are year long or so, Last year at college I got up to 305 from 215 and now im back down to 240, starting dieting in april.

    its a long road, the hardest part is dieting harcore while you're still fat.
    Im not sure where your strongest motivation source comes from but when you find it you'll know
     
  5. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    I think you would get more constructive help out of the Fitness and Nutrition subforum.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Go to your university's counseling center and make an appointment to speak with someone. This isn't something we can help you with, you need a professional. Your school should have free counseling for their students. Good luck.
     
  7. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :hug: There are a few of us with eating disorders around here so first of all, know that you're not alone :hug:

    The vast majority of people I know with eds have cycles within their disorder too, so know that isn't uncommon either. And everyone's cycles are different. Mine, for example, are extremely long and I'll have about 3 cycles a year: 4/5 months of heavy restriction followed by 5/6 months of a binge/purging and 2/3 months of this weird-I-don't-know-how-to-explain-it phase where I'm almost apathetic to the whole thing and my behaviors become kinda of sparse and I try to find some kind of recovery which inevitably throws me back into a restriction or binge/purge cycle again.

    And the extremes you experience, either diet or binge, social or isolated from everyone else- it all makes sense. That's how this disorder works. :hs:

    You're 100% correct that this isn't something you can just will yourself through. Eating disorders are an addiction like any other. I've often said that I wish I was addicted to heroin or alcohol instead because then all I would have to do is avoid my drug of choice. (This isn't in any way minimize the severity or the difficulty of alcoholism, drug addiction or any other kind of addiction. Addiction is rampant in my family. I've seen first hand how difficult it is for alcoholics and drug addicts to find recovery.) Instead, I have to recognize that I have a disease but find a way to use my drug "appropriately." That's like an alcoholic having to go to the bar 3 times a day and drink but stop before they get buzzed. Everyday. For the rest of their lives. Eating disorders are terribly difficult to recover from.

    They only way you're going to find recovery is to start seeing a therapist so you can figure out why you developed your ed and what triggers your behaviors. Like Midgetized said, try your school first. Eds are pretty common on college campuses so you should be able to find a counselor there who can help. If not, see if they can refer you to someone who specializes in eds, especially men with eds.

    Good Luck :wavey: Feel free to pm me anytime <3
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    yes i have, usually my in my "cycles", i always vigorusly diet and exercise... feels great.. but somehow i fall off the wagon

    yea actually the hardest part is starting the diet, after 1 or 2 days of dieting, it comes easy.. but then just all of a sudden i decide to binge one night.. and doesn't stop

    i don't know if this is a matter of finding a good exercise regimen or a diet for me... i've frequented those places alot already... never works in the long term..
    no matter what amazing diet or gym routine they suggest, if i dont do it

    yea school starts on tuesday, and i think i'm gonna go do that.. since it's free and whatnot... thanks for the suggestion

    Thanks so much... this post makes me feel bit better... yea you are right with eating disorders, you still have to go out and buy this "drug" from the stores every other day even if you are not abusing it...

    I'm def. gonna go make an appointment... Also i've been thinking of makin some rules for myself, instead of going on low-carb diets and what not... I was thinkin that i will have a rule that says i won't eat a non-healty food (i'm thinkin low-carb foods as healthy) as long as im' out with friends, and also i will only eat healthy foods when i'm alone...and if i crave it so much, i will call up a friend to hangout and go out and eat with them as a rule..

    anywyas i don't know if it will work but it's just an idea
     
  9. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :hug: Honestly honey, in my experience making "rules" for yourself only makes it harder to stick to. Then when you break those rules you feel like complete shit. This isn't a matter of will power. You're sick.

    But that's just in my experience, everyone's ed is different so if you think that making rules may be an option for you then give it a shot. Just be aware of the possibilities.

    But don't wait to set up an appointment for counseling. You do not want to wait until this gets worse (right now you don't think it can get worse, but trust me, it will) or you pick up more behaviors. It's soo not worth it. Nip this in the bud now. You don't want to be staring down the barrel of 14 years wishing you would have done something sooner. You have to figure out why you resorted to this and what you're ed is trying to manage for you. I promise you, there is a reason and it has nothing to do with food.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    yes i know, i can't think of any reason why this is happening cuz my life would be pretty good if i didn't have this problem... but we'll see, i'm gonna make an appointment after class tomorrow, see what happens.
     
  11. PureEnergy

    PureEnergy New Member

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    I have somewhat of a similar problem, but its not really my primary focus. I tend to go out to any restaurants when I see some sort of special deal. Like when Mcdonalds had the 2 for $3 deal, Papa john with the buy 1 large pie and get the 2nd one for only 99 cents. Right now Dunkin donuts have the 99 cents egg sandwich.
     
  12. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Good luck today :wavey: I'll be thinking about you! :)
     
  13. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    In for compulsive overeating.

    This should be in R2R though.
     
  14. DubyaS6

    DubyaS6 New Member

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    I have never had a problem with this, so this may be WAY off...but is there a sport you enjoy? If you could find something athletic that you really enjoy, maybe you should take that up. It would keep you fit while you were still having fun and help you meet new people at your university.

    I keep myself busy with several activities during the week, it helps me stay social and fit at the same time without really making an "effort" to do so.

    I feel more complete this way.

    Just a suggestion.
     
  15. disley

    disley Ooooh no it isn't. Ooooh yes it is. OT Supporter

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    You realize this will lead to diabetes. Try to control it before it becomes life threatening, not just interrupting your social life.
     
  16. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    This is a really great idea :hsd:

    TS, how did it go?
     
  17. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    I know this isnt a very healthy answer, but have you ever thought about being fat and happy? You seem rather depressed because of your eating. And you seem to be eating because you are depressed. A vicious cycle, I know. Ever thought about just saying fuck it, settle into a slightly heavier body size than what you were in high school and still being able to sleep at night?

    A little personal background. When I was in high school, I was a wrestler and in the best shape of my life. When I started out, I was a fatty, and by senior year I had muscles I never thought I could have. But after highschool after not having someone there to kick my ass and make me excersize. I got fat, lost all my muscle and started getting what I always dreaded in life. Man tits. :ugh:

    I got depressed, and it got worse. My stomach started hanging over my pantsline. Another :ugh: But then I took a year off college and got a few factory jobs with heavy lifting and I slimmed down a little and got some muscle back. I was never in the same shape I was in in high school, far from it, but I found a body size I can live with without being dperessed and could still maintain without killing myself with diets and too much excersize.

    I'm not going to get into the whole "society paints and impossible picture of what a human body should look like" rant, but its partially true. If your main concern is how others see you, develope some personality traits. Get a good sense of humor and use it. Chicks dig a good sense of humor more than the perfect body.


    Cliffs: be happy with who you are, and the rest will follow suit.
     
  18. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    yes i know, i'm actually not that obese, i don't have a gut hangin over, or big man tits but i'm thick in build now... Sometimes when i bring this topic with friends, and i say that i'm fat or something, they usually tell me that i think i'm fatter than i actually am..

    and i know that might be the truth but no matter what but when i go out wearing a shirt, i feel so self-concious, i stop making eye contact with people, i feel like people are lookin at me and thinkin look at that lard of fat walkin down the street or something...

    Like i said, i have a very good personality and a very good sense of humor.. when i'm dieting, and feeling confident, i can pick up chicks no problem.. usually my friends ask me how i pick up these chicks, or just meet a group of people at a bar and be friends with them...

    and 3 months ago when i dieted hard core for about 2months and dropped my weight to 220 or so, i started dating the hottest chick i've ever dates, i was still not skinny but i was so confident... after i started binging, i stopped callin her and trying to cancel plans then we kinda just stopped seeing each other... anyways and i'm pretty sure, she could see my weight gain too and backed off too...

    Anyways maybe it is me not being happy but i can never see myself staying at this, i have to be lighter to be happy, i don't see being happy in my body as an option right now... i'm 22 and i feel like that might be too early to give up on being healthy...

    Anywyas i don't think i will ever stop trying, and i'm starting to try new things now[/QUOTE]
     
  19. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    thanks, i have the first half an hour meeting with a counselor on tuesday.. we'll see how that goes

    yes i love playing basketball and when i'm not binging i play it.. but when i start binging like alot of other things i do, it goes out the window for the duration of the period

    yes i know, i'm young now but it will lead to health problems too

    yes i did, but i couldn't find one in my city, i did a couple searches but no luck...

    i live in Toronto, Canadia if you know of one around here, i would definitely consider it[/QUOTE]
     
  20. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Updates Updates Updates

    So i took to suggestion to see a personal councillor at my university...

    I had a half an hour with someone to determine the situation, and the one hour with the person that she sent me to... So we talked about my binging and the whole thing... i was very easy, and i was very comfortable talking about every detail..

    She talked about coping mechanisms and emphized "normal eating", basically throwing out all dieting and restricting food and stuff.. and suggested a workbook for me to buy and work with.. the book is called "overcoming bulimia workbook" (http://www.amazon.ca/Overcoming-Bul...ef=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1254321375&sr=8-1-fkmr1)

    i told her i didn't have bulimia or most of the other stuff they talk on the book like takin laxatives, purging, anorexia and stuff... but i decided to trust her and ordered the book..
    The book is awesome, there are always examples or things that they talk about that i can relate or kinda go "yes that's exactly what happened to me" and realize the things that started this whole binging for me.. which i think was starting a diet to lose 10 pounds before university and coming here and kinda going through tough times at school.. and ever since, i've been in kind of a binge or strict diet situation...

    I have my second appointment this friday, i'm gonna tell her how good i'm progressing... i've been really doing everything the workbook tells me to do, keeping lists, making lists, writing your feelings and stuff... I do feel like i'm eating like a normal person, i'm not preoccupied with thoughts of food all the time, i can focus and be organized and wake up with energy (which hasn't happened to me in years)... i even sweat less...

    These are all the things i would go through when i'm doin a low-carb diet.. the only differences are
    - i don't have to eat disgusting food like eggs and chicken all the time, and no restricting...
    -i can eat whatever i want
    -i'm not losing the weight nearly as fast...

    now i don't really mind that i'm not losing the weight fast, i think it's better slowly over time then losing 15 pounds in 2 weeks... then binging to gain 20 pounds back in 1 week.... also when i was i can eat whatever i want, i don't overeat, i really eat till i'm full and stopped.. my portions naturally got smaller, i i don't feel hungry or make special arrangements to get food and stuff... i'm very comfortable, i eat 3 meals a day, and 2 snacks... and i don't have to force myself to do it at all...

    i've had 2 small binges in 2 weeks (small as in i didn't think it would be considered a binge but rather a big meal and much smaller than my regular binges, but i felt guilty.. although i have to work towards not feelign guilty) but both times were when i got high with friends... and my most immediate challenge is finding some coping mechanism for when i get high... i don't really want to quit smoking it since i smoke it couple nights a week to relax and enjoy a night with friends... it doesn't really have any negative effects other than making me crave...

    Well that's all i think for now.. i'm glad i've finally noticed that i have an eating disorder and not just that i'm fat and need to go on a diet...

    Thanks all for suggestions on everything..

    Cliffs: went to threpist, she offered a workbook for me to overcome the eating disorder, and work on "normal eating"
    so far everything's going great, second appointment with the threpist this friday[/QUOTE]
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
  21. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    then if this is the problem, you need to think WHY you're eating a healthy diet. are the foods you're eating foods that you hate? find something more nutritionally dense that you don't mind eating every day.
    are you too hungry? up the protein. eat every 2-3 hours
    nailing down a solid diet that you actually enjoy and you're not hungry on will make your fitness goals achievable
     
  22. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Congrats!! Sounds like you are making great progress so far :) I'm glad that you found it so easy to talk to your therapist. Being able to be open and honest with them is important for getting results.


    what kind of things does it make you crave?

    i find eating before smoking helps and having something like gum or candy to chew on is good because i love sweets and it's a low calorie way of getting them :o
     
  23. Kasumi Chan

    Kasumi Chan Happy, joyous and free. But fuck off.

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