SRS bfs mom and dad dead..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by desichic123, Nov 20, 2006.

  1. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    this past weekend has been so rough. my boyfriends mom died kind of unexpectedly from pneumonia complications after refusing to take any medication for it and refusing food. his dad died 2 days before christmas 3 yrs ago in 2003. so now its only him (whos 21), and 2 sisters (17 and 12). this is the worst feeling in the world, bc i was so helpless when his dad died and now i feel even more helpless bc what do you tell someone whos lost both their parents within 3 yrs? how can anyone justify this kind of outcome? my heart is literally breaking bc for 3 and a half yrs, ive seen him go thru some of the best and worst times and this just tops off as something so awful that i cant even imagine the pain and suffering. and the worst part is...i cant make it better.
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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  3. n9e9o9

    n9e9o9 lol OT Supporter

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    the best thing you can for him is to make him as comfortable as he needs to be... allow him space for mourning alone, cheer him up with a home-cooked meal, suprise him with a small gift, work out together, invite his siblings to a movie, learn something new, study together...do whatever it takes to get his mind off his parents, eventually he'll reach a stage when depression will tire him out and he must move on...sounds mean but life goes on....
     
  4. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i would offer to help out with his sisters, take them out, keep them busy while he deals with the stress of all the funeral arrangements, insurance, etc. Just try to help him out as much as possible while still giving him his space
     
  5. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :hug: All you can do is be there for him. What is he planning on doing with his younger sisters? Is Social Services involved?
     
  6. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    no..since him and the middle sister are over age (shes turning 18 in jan) then theyre going to keep themselves together..the last thing in the world they want to do is break themselves up after losing both parents. their grandma wants to send the youngest one to india to be raised for a while..i guess, but hopefully him and the middle sister dont allow that
     
  7. Agent 007

    Agent 007 New Member

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    i am sorry to hear that. i would comfort him as much as possible. don't let him do anything stupid though, if you know what i mean. i hope things work out ok.
     
  8. jOhn-e

    jOhn-e New Member

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    Sorry to hear :(

    I wish you and him all the best.. Parents are everything, i really feel for him and you..
     
  9. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

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    Out of curiosity, was it religeous belief that kept the dad from taking any medicine during his illness?
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. My condolences to your b/f and his siblings.

    I don't think there is anything you can do or say to take away the pain of his loss. However, just being there for him is enough. You don't have to have any answers, you don't have to know anything. Just follow your heart, try to be supportive and very patient with him.

    If the time feels right you might mention counseling. Many churches offer free grief support groups. Also, if you b/f is at a University, many of them have free counseling services. I would suggest that he seek help in dealing with his grief because it's tough to lose a loved one....to lose two so close together is very difficult. I know because I lost my oldest brother and my dad in less than 2 years. It was awful and has affected my life ever since. However, thanks to good friends, a lot of therapy and deeply held beliefs in God, I was able to make it through...but it hasn't been easy.

    I can tell you from experience that friends simply being there, being non-judgemental and just loving me, no matter what, helped so much more then I could ever explain. I'm soooo very grateful to them for their support.
     
  11. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    no..it was his mom that quit taking meds and it wasnt a religious thing..i honestly believe she didnt want to live anymore..she had been very sad and depressed after their father died anyways and i think she willed herself to die
     
  12. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

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    Dear god thats awful. I suggest you just try and show him love and compassion, especially as the holidays are coming up. I cant imagine going through what he has, I wish him, and you, the best.

    Whether he knows it or admits it, he is going to need someone to lean on.
     
  13. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    You can't make it better, but you can be there.
     

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