SRS Bf with bipolar

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by itsallaboutme, Jul 12, 2005.

  1. We've been together for a really long time and we are hopelessly in love. I have never met someone who can make me feel so good about myself and so completley loved. But when he gets into a "fit" he is horribly mean and says the worst things to me. I don't want to leave because i want to be with him forever, but when he's having an episode i don't know who he is and i don't trust the things he does when he is sick. I know it's not his fault that he is sick but i don't know what i can do to make everything more stable because the more i try, the worse it gets. I feel stuck. I love him with all my heart, but am clueless about what to do.....
     
  2. ItchyDog

    ItchyDog Guest

    Dont make up excuses for him. Step back and try to view your relationship from 3rd person POV, and decide from there. Good luck :)
     
  3. tris

    tris New Member

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    Werd. Being not only bipolar myself, but also having been in, and lost a relationship, as a result, I understand your sentiments. (Especially having done the same things!)

    ItchyDog has a point. I think what you need to do is figure out whether you're using an often-diagnosed (and serious!) mental illness as an excuse for purely environmental stressors.

    What do I mean?

    I mean, perhaps you and Mr. Bipolar aren't really meant to be together. Feeling like you're "in love" can change your mental state significantly, and especially for HIM, if you're high-maintenance. So really, it sounds like you'd rather make an excuse for him, and call him "sick" and not even begin to LET him own his emotions and actions/words, and be responsible for them. If you really were in love, I'd say you would be able to do this, and reconcile it with yourself fairly easily.

    Just remember that sometimes Life is trying to tell you something, and sometimes, you have to listen to bad news.
     
  4. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    Forget him ... find someone who isn't bipolar.
     
  5. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    thats not fair. 'dump your girlfriend she's a diabetic'. both people can't control the fact they have a disease, jeeze.

    Get him to see a shrink, and try some bipolar meds.
     
  6. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

    Ditto...word for word...eerie.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I Would just be supportive during his mood swings or (not) be around when he is having an episode, just let him cool down and always be loving and helping.
     
  8. Spongemom

    Spongemom Dot Com

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    I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few months ago, and I've been taking Lithium for the past few months. It's worked wonders: My highs aren't as high, but my lows aren't anywhere near as low as they used to be, which is a very good thing. See if he's willing to ask his doctor about it. If he is, then the relationship stands a chance. If he's not willing to try, he just might not be worth it. Losing a love is always hard, but sometimes it's for your own good. Untreated bipolars are rarely easy to get along with, let alone spend your life with.
     
  9. mestizo

    mestizo New Member

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    Seek help w/ him. Professional help. In the end, it can only make your relationship stronger.

    Make sure he knows you're doing it out of your LOVE for his better half.... he may take it as a personal attack and fuck up something thats important to both of you.
     
  10. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    he needs to take his condition seriously... to me, it seems like he doesn't.

    i'm bipolar and take it fairly seriously. I'm med compliant and all that jazz. If he's still cycling badly, he's not very stable and needs to get stable for both of your sakes.

    BP can destroy lives, not just of the one who has it but of those around him, esp if he can get abusive.

    stick with him and encourage him to make sure he gets his shit straight, otherwise, you may not have a choice but to leave since if he doesn't, he can make your life absolutly miserable.
     
  11. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    what civicmon is true but you are hopelessly in love.

    so tell him to comply with the meds if he loves you, because he doesn't if he won't.
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Go out and buy a book written specifically for people that live with people that are bipolar. Borders, Barnes & Noble, etc. will have a couple.
     
  13. tris

    tris New Member

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    I still think you're making excuses for him. Guys, she's never said he's been professionally diagnosed as having Bipolar disorder. Hence, an excuse.

    As I stated earlier, falling in love tends to change one's mental state significantly. Priorities change, outlooks change, and many times, habits change or die off, depending on who's got the vagina. (Makes for a very convincing bargaining point!)

    Also, I've noticed a recent (how recent?) 'dramatic' trend in exclusive relationships in couples aged 16-24. There seems to be this "Lost and Found" kind of mentality, like one was 'lost' in life, and hopeless until they met their new SO. That, in turn changes one's outlook, and their percieved moral actions, reasons why they'll go to the ends of the Earth for their 'True Love'.:rolleyes:
    If you only knew. . .

    Guys, let's try to not be proud of being medicated for our 'sickness'. I think that's a cop-out and another excuse for your weaknesses and shortcomings.
     
  14. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    your fucking ignorance is astounding.

    :gtfo: we don't need your 'meds hide your shortcomings' bullshit in here.

    you're obviously not BP, meds made an incredible difference in my life and allowed me to go from the grips to suicide to a normal life, so if you have nothing constructive to say, go away.
     
  15. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    He does need a professional diagnosis, though. If he's not getting help, and some of those "crazy meds," then fuck him. Leave him.
     
  16. Budha

    Budha Guest

    Diabetic is a lot worse than bi polar. My old best friend was that, and my ex gf had it. Its not something fun you want to deal with, everything is fine one moment, then the attitude changes, then they wake up the next day and nothing was ever wrong. Its hard.
     
  17. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    Depacote. The bi-polar drug of choice.

    My brother is bi-polar (ntm manic depressive, but those apparantly go hand in hand). His lithium regimin fucked him up worse, but hes now med compliant and doing better, but he cant leave the grounds. My advice to you is to seek phyciatric treatment along with your bf, for his condition and yours.

    Ands BTW- If you would, post some of his rants. My brother had this incredible manic story of "the fireman screaming hellbender on the line while trying to save the cheerleader from the demise that only he could imagine" Bizarre.
     
  18. tris

    tris New Member

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    Regardless of our nations' laws, mental defect or disease isn't an excuse to hurt those close to you. I'm sure meds made a great difference in your life, and that's wonderful. But relevant to the situation, meds only assist in one's recovery, they are not the silver bullet to most problems.
    No matter what, your cure will always come from INSIDE yourself. :wiggle:


    When you love someone, you care for them --emotionally-- . All the cars, money, and food on the table is just background noise; some of it very important background noise, (like food) but a non-point, nontheless.

    What this girl needs to understand is that by assuming her boyfriend is bipolar, or, even if he IS bipolar by professional, clinical diagnosis, she's doing a great disservice to both of them by making excuses for his 'sickness'.

    She's denying him the essence of emotions: Owning them. By making excuses for his 'fits' and his hurtful words, she's not allowing him to truly feel the full effect of his emotions, which, in all cases, is the consequences of those emotions.

    Yes, there are consequences to your emotions. If there are no consequences, then what's the point?

    See, by not allowing him to take responsibility for his emotions, which would lead to actions (verbal or otherwise) she's conditioning him to use his 'sickness' as a scapegoat for HIS actions. When he doesn't experience the consequences of his emotions during one of his fits, she's letting him know that it's okay to be abusive --which is something that should NEVER be acceptable in a relationship, and especially with someone you claim to 'love with all your heart' .

    Isn't the definition of love "Choosing the highest good for the other person"? (B. Henning)

    I know you may not believe this now, but when you truly love someone, you also should accept the fact that truly loving them also means being willing to let them go.
     

  19. He has been professionally diagnosed- sorry i should have put that in there. It's just that he doesn't want to take medicine for it because he thinks he doesn't need it. (i know-very bad) And i aparently confused you when i said "hoplessly in love" i was just trying to make everyone understand that it wasn't just a dating sort of realtionship and that we have been together a long time. We have been together for years and planned on getting married later on. I wasn't making excuses i was just trying to get some advise from people on here who may have been in some sort of the same situation and i get reemed for it. :down:
     
  20. thanks to everyone who gave some real advise though- i really appreciate everything!
     
  21. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    reamed.....and what do you expect on a public message board? This, after all, is not webMD. But what you have to do is filter through the bullshit and take what you can get from the people actually interested in what you are talking about. Like me :).

    Does he love you and not want to lose you? Give him an Ultimatum. "Seek treatment, or handle this shit by yourself." Seems to be a good one. Oh yeah, there will be suicide threats and homicide threats but you have to stand strong and stick to what you say. He will evetually seek help, cause no body likes the highs and lows of bi-polar.

    Again, if you can, what kind of delusions does he have?
     
  22. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    obviously you don't know shit and believe what you want so it's obvious that any arguing won't change your mind.
     
  23. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    depakote sucks ass. My friend takes it and hates it. gained weight, going bald, feels dopey a lot of the time.

    Lithium isn't much better, but it works and been around for ages.
     
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  25. antiyou

    antiyou OT Supporter

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    :rofl: because my g/f is diabetic and someone said that to me once, but it was only a joke...
     

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