SRS BF dad just died

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fiestyshot, Apr 8, 2005.

  1. fiestyshot

    fiestyshot New Member

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    Anyone who has lost a parent I would greatly appreciate any insight you could offer. We are on again off again kind of couple. He called me at work to tell me and I was ready to leave and be there to support him but he said that he didnt want me to come right now cause he would need me later and that he needs to be with his family right now?? I dont know if I should stand back and wait for him to ask me to step in or if I should ignore him telling me not to come.
     
  2. SlowNegative

    SlowNegative Her name is Rio

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    Respect his wishes and be there for him when he needs you.
     
  3. jeff2577

    jeff2577 OT OG

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    Agreed. He needs his family, and his family needs him. Offer your support or assistance and let him tell you what needs to be done.
     
  4. IllAvBIll

    IllAvBIll []

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    Seriously! Everybody handles things different, the best thing you can do is be there when he needs you and dont get pissy @ him for little things when you're around him, i'm sure he's going to be snappy for awhile. My best friend was for awhile. good luck
     
  5. Blackheaven

    Blackheaven New Member

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    agree with everyone.
     
  6. Devoidarex

    Devoidarex Rexversusu v.2.0

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    Just be there when he asks.

    Another thing. My mother died a couple of years ago, rather unexpectedly. It was pretty tragic, and the one thing that made it worse was people telling me how I SHOULD behaving.

    "Why aren't you crying? You shouldn't hold your feelings in. I think you should talk to someone about this." Etc...etc...

    There is no proper way to grieve, and everyone does it differently. Just lay off him, and let him know that you'll do whatever you are able to help when you are needed.
     
  7. JaJae

    JaJae New Member

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    This is very true, however, you also have to be a good friend. If he starts to resort to unhealthy greiving practices such as body mutilation, drugs, too much alcohol etc I'd contact someone in his life who could assist in fixing the problem. Let him greive in his own way and be there for him, just make sure he's safe.

    Good luck.
     
  8. fiestyshot

    fiestyshot New Member

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    My main concern is that he is trying to push me away but on the inside he is wanting for me to jump in but is afraid/ashamed or just doesnt know how to ask. I just know how I am, too stubborn to ask for help.
     
  9. Devoidarex

    Devoidarex Rexversusu v.2.0

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    What's the worst that'll happen if you show up, give everyone a hug, and make muffins or something?
     
  10. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Just be there when he needs you...death is not easy to come to terms with and some people need a lot of space...it is a very sad and terribly awkward time.
     
  11. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    as soon as you get that phone call that he needs you...get there, fast!!
     
  12. diaper eater

    diaper eater OT Supporter

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    yes, BE THERE, my best friends stepdad passed, and i was there in a heartbeat, we just sat there, in awe/shock, adn he said it helped so much that i was there
     
  13. Obnoxious

    Obnoxious OG as fuck.

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    Bingo.

    I lost my dad last september to brain cancer... which he was diagnosed with only four months beforehand. I kept to myself most of that time, and find myself a little more emotional now when other things affect me that are unrelated. Don't push him to exert any emotions, he'll do it on his own. My gf at the time was there for me when I needed her, I didn't like to talk about my father's death, and she understood that and didn't bring it up. If he wants to talk he will, but don't bring it up unless he does. Simply let him know "I'm here for you if you ever need me..." That in and of itself is all he needs to hear to know that you care. Also, let him have that time with his family and whatnot. The time you spend with him might go down a little, but dont' take it as he doesn't want to be with you, its just very hard to do anything when the sadness hits you after losing a parent. Be there for him when he needs you and things will get back to normal in due time.

    If he's about my age (22) I would expect him to act similarly to me. Most guys aren't very open with emotions when it comes to something this major.

    Hope some of this helps.
     
  14. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    ...... i'd say, be present, but dont get clingy... he's gonna have to deal with a lotta shit, might not want to talk or anything, but stay nearby for when he needs someone's arms
     
  15. desichic123

    desichic123 New Member

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    my boyfriends dad died last christmas too and he completely shut down and wouldnt talk to anyone..the only thing i could do is sit there when he was ready to talk and leave him alone when he said he wanted to reflect..i also just spent alot of time sitting with him..no talking just letting him know i was there for him..
     

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