I've had this best friend of mine since we meet in gradeschool. We were maybe 8 years old I think when we first meet. It's strange that we got along so well cause we we're two completly different people, maybe that's why we fit together so good. She was so innocent, insecure, fragile, geeky but beautiful like a flower, wouldn't hurt a fly and only wanted to make people smile. While I was pretty much the opposite. She gave me what I lacked and I guess I did the same to her. I was troubled, it was like she was the source of my strength and she would allways make me see reason when I was in the wrong and lift my spirit when I had none. I would be furious and protective of her whenever someone tried to bring her down or mess around with her, I would beat the shit out of them. Anyway, that's how much she ment to me. Like a soulmate. She ment more to me then any family member or boyfriend I've ever had. We've done alot of shit together, been on adventures and traveled around the world together. About between 2-3 years ago now, she was seeing a guy for some time and they liked eachother quite much. We would often go out and have fun together with our friends, and this was one of those nights only she was sick at the time and didn't want to come. So her boyfriend came with us. I don't usually drink myself stupid, but this time I was in a good mood for a reason I can't remember anymore and did drink myself pretty stupid. Later in the night when people started falling asleep or leaving, it was mostly me and her man left. We started talking and we're getting quite friendly. I'm not sure how drunk he was but I was pretty drunk. If I hadn't been so drunk I probably would have seen it coming or been able to do something about it. But he was getting very friendly, and he had me in one of those weird trances or something. I don't think I knew what was going on or the consequences that would come of it. Basicly I woke up a couple of hours later in bed with him. I somtimes wake up really early when I'm drunk. When I did wake up I first realised what happened. I jumped out and got the hell out of my own place at like 5 am in the morning. I didn't know what to do but I knew this was fucked up. It felt like taboo. A few hours later I built up the courage to go and see her. I was allways loyal to her and had to tell her regardless. I've never been so scared shitless in my life. She saw I wasn't fucking around with this and freaked out on me. Told me all sorts of things I've never heard her say, and I mean. I'm used to people talking shit to me but when she said it, it actually stung. Her words felt like they was piercing through me like bullets, and when she hit me it felt like the force of a truck was behind it. I've never felt so pathetic before, I was a wreck. I begged her to forgive me. She wouldn't talk to me anymore or pick up my calls. I could phone her from a different number but I want her to know it's me calling. She completly ignored me and I don't blame her. Whenever I would coincidencely meet her on the street during the months or years after that. She wouldn't even look at me, just walk right past me like I wasn't there. I wouldn't say she is the kind to hold a grudge, but I did betray her in the worst possible way. This was some years ago and I'm just ranting I guess, thought about it alot recently and just feels good saying it to someone. Maybe I should have just wrote it in a diary or something. I hope she will at one point talk to me again, but I don't think she will. Atleast just forgive me. I would do anything for that.