SRS Bestfriend cut me out of her life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Takitome, May 19, 2007.

  1. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I've had this best friend of mine since we meet in gradeschool. We were maybe 8 years old I think when we first meet. It's strange that we got along so well cause we we're two completly different people, maybe that's why we fit together so good. She was so innocent, insecure, fragile, geeky but beautiful like a flower, wouldn't hurt a fly and only wanted to make people smile. While I was pretty much the opposite. She gave me what I lacked and I guess I did the same to her. I was troubled, it was like she was the source of my strength and she would allways make me see reason when I was in the wrong and lift my spirit when I had none. I would be furious and protective of her whenever someone tried to bring her down or mess around with her, I would beat the shit out of them.

    Anyway, that's how much she ment to me. Like a soulmate. She ment more to me then any family member or boyfriend I've ever had. We've done alot of shit together, been on adventures and traveled around the world together.

    About between 2-3 years ago now, she was seeing a guy for some time and they liked eachother quite much. We would often go out and have fun together with our friends, and this was one of those nights only she was sick at the time and didn't want to come. So her boyfriend came with us. I don't usually drink myself stupid, but this time I was in a good mood for a reason I can't remember anymore and did drink myself pretty stupid. Later in the night when people started falling asleep or leaving, it was mostly me and her man left. We started talking and we're getting quite friendly. I'm not sure how drunk he was but I was pretty drunk. If I hadn't been so drunk I probably would have seen it coming or been able to do something about it. But he was getting very friendly, and he had me in one of those weird trances or something. I don't think I knew what was going on or the consequences that would come of it.

    Basicly I woke up a couple of hours later in bed with him. I somtimes wake up really early when I'm drunk. When I did wake up I first realised what happened. I jumped out and got the hell out of my own place at like 5 am in the morning. I didn't know what to do but I knew this was fucked up. It felt like taboo.

    A few hours later I built up the courage to go and see her. I was allways loyal to her and had to tell her regardless. I've never been so scared shitless in my life. She saw I wasn't fucking around with this and freaked out on me. Told me all sorts of things I've never heard her say, and I mean. I'm used to people talking shit to me but when she said it, it actually stung. Her words felt like they was piercing through me like bullets, and when she hit me it felt like the force of a truck was behind it. I've never felt so pathetic before, I was a wreck. I begged her to forgive me.

    She wouldn't talk to me anymore or pick up my calls. I could phone her from a different number but I want her to know it's me calling. She completly ignored me and I don't blame her. Whenever I would coincidencely meet her on the street during the months or years after that. She wouldn't even look at me, just walk right past me like I wasn't there. I wouldn't say she is the kind to hold a grudge, but I did betray her in the worst possible way.


    This was some years ago and I'm just ranting I guess, thought about it alot recently and just feels good saying it to someone. Maybe I should have just wrote it in a diary or something. I hope she will at one point talk to me again, but I don't think she will. Atleast just forgive me. I would do anything for that.
     
  2. You being drunk was not an excuse for doing such a thing. You need to understand if you loved and cared for her as much as you say you did, why did you let something that could ruin a friendship happen?

    Don't think she will forgive you, you took a guy from her. Women are very catty, they will hold grudges over things like this forever.

    Beast
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Booze destroys more then you love.

    Write her a letter and ask for forgiveness. She might not give it to you, but you can say to yourself 'at least i tried' , that's better then just sitting around doing nothing.

    If she forgives you then maby you can slowly regain contact with her again, don't expect anything tho, there's bound to be a lot of grudges underneath the surface. You stabbed her in the back no matter how you turn it, i can only hope that she is willing to forgive.
     
  4. micks

    micks the snausage wallet OT Supporter

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    It's pretty easy to cut people out of your life when you feel real betrayed/pissed off. I've done this a couple of times and only forgave one when I found out that the story was twisted quite to the contrary.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I don't know. I'm not trying to excuse myself, I messed up I know that. There's nothing to do about it, it's done and can't be repaired. It's just a story now. If I could I wish she never meet me, so I wouldn't have messed up her life like this.

    I don't know where I would be without her having been there to set me straight and keep me in line. I allways had a tendancy to cause more harm then good. Even when I mean well. I've allways been cursed like that, but I thought I had grown out of that shit.



    edit:

    I'm not an alcoholic or anything of the sort. I've had alot of fun drinking at times, but I've done stupid things like many others too. Most of the stupid things I've done has been when I'm not drinking though.

    I have tried to steadily come in contact with her again whenever I build up the courage, but yet I want to respect her privacy and decision. I haven't written her a letter. I should do that but I am clueless what to write.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2007
  6. cd7

    cd7 how troublesome

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    i love how people blame alcohol for everything. you control your own actions. if you drank alcohol, could you not still type/speak/do whats on your mind? you fucked up and life goes on. sorry
     
  7. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    When the hell did I blame anything on alcohol? It was my own nature that made me do what I did. I've said that over and over this was my own fault, I messed it up. So mod edit: Show some love :hsnono:


    Edit: Sorry but getting attacked like that pisses me off. Especially when I've allready made it quite obvious the things you're saying.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2007
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I didn't think I was an alcoholic because for me the definition of one was the bum on the streets. The guy who's lost his house, car, family, job all that shit. I wasn't that so how could I be an alcoholic?? I was also 26 and that's obviously way tooo young to be an alcoholic....or so I thought.

    As I started to learn about alcoholism I had realized that many of the incidents I chalked up to my love of drinking were actually alcoholic behaviors. I'm not saying you are or are not an alcoholic. Only you can make that designation. I will tell you that what you have done is very common among alcoholics....and I'm really not even talking about the specific situation you described.

    What I'm talking about are the actions that violate our conscience. These actions happen and seem outside of our control. Everyone has lines they won't cross. Almost every single alcoholic I know crossed many of these lines when they were drinking. Some lines are thicker than others...meaning we are very saddened when we cross them becuase it's just such a huge betrayal of all we hold dear.

    Often when we cross these lines, we drink to relieve the guilt. However, when drunk again we many cross more lines. This can set up a vicious cycle where it can be very difficult to get out without help.

    Now I'm not sure if this applies to you but I wanted to share incase you can relate. If so, I would encourage you to attend an open AA meeting in your area. You may discover, as I did, that you are indeed an alcoholic.


    Specifically in regards to your friend....writing a letter is IMO the best idea. Check your motivations for writing it first tho. If your motivation is for anything other than to make an amends for a wrong done, then IMO your motivations are wrong.
     
  9. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    No, really, thank you for your long reply. It's alot to think about and I'm still trying to take it all in. It means alot. I mean, some points of what you said I kind of realised before but having someone tell you has a way of making it more clear and jump starting you, wake up call or what you would say. But you brought up alot of points I'm still trying to go through and think about. My mind can get alittle foggy about the subject sometimes, just need some time to think it all through.

    I allways viewed her as a lifer friend, but maybe it's like you said. Maybe it was just waiting to happen. If it wasn't for that reason it ended, then it would have been another reason, I'm just amazed it lasted aslong as it did as her friendship was the best parts of my life. I just miss her voice, her company. I've felt so empty inside without her friendship.

    I'm going to write that letter, I see it clearly now that I should. I think it would be better for me if I knew she just knows my thoughts about it and how much it bothers me, that I'm really sorry about it and weak and flawed. And if she wants to talk to me after that I would be gratefull.





    I'm sorry for your alcohol issues.
    I realise alcholics have it hard admiting to themselves what they are. I haven't really thought about it much, but I don't think it's an issue for me. I don't like drinking alone, and not when I'm in bad moods or feeling down. I generally just work out more when I'm in moods like that. I don't need alcohol, but there are times where it would be nice sure. I don't really like talking about it for some reason.

    In the last year I have probably been drinking once or twice a month or so again depening on my mood.

    I don't know what I said that made people think that. Where I come from people drink like this reguraly. And in Britain people drink even more. Thanks for your concern though.
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Thanks but I've learned to live with it. It's a part of who and what I am. I'm just grateful I live during a period of history where there is help available. I shudder to think of where my life would have gone had I lived a mere 100 years earlier.
    You may not be an alcoholic, I dunno. I simply posted what I've learned about myself because I too have had situations similar to what you described in your post.

    Not wanting to talk about it may be due to a fear you have...a fear of "discovering" you are, in fact, an alcoholic. Well I can understand that....it's not like I woke up one day and said you know what...I think I'll go to an AA meeting today. No it was a last resort and I had to experience a lot of pain before seeking help...even then, I was convinced I wasn't an alcoholic. I really didn't think I was and I sure didn't think that not drinking would be fun or exciting. But I was totally wrong about all that.
    Well what you said was more about how you did something that you would never do sober. It sounded like it was a huge violation of your core values and that's something that many alcoholics do when drinking. No it doesn't automatically mean you are an alcoholic but it is something that's very common among alcoholics.

    My reasons for posting were simply to share things I've learned about myself. If they help you figure out you're an alcoholic, great. If not, great. My hope is only that you think about the points I've raised. If they ring true to you and you want to explore it further, AA can help. If you'd rather not, fine by me.

    I can tell you that there are a great many times that I'm greatful that I'm an alcoholic. I've learned so much about myself and other people that I never would have learned before. And it's not the gloom and doom life that I had imagined. In fact, one of the things I love about AA is all the laughter and joy. Total shocker to what I thought AA was all about.

    Anyways, good luck and God Bless.
     
  11. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I see what you're getting at. I guess I kind of have a fear of becoming an alcoholic, my father was. hmm I don't know. I don't really think that is my problem though. I don't have any urges to go out drinking.






    Well yes it was. Usually no matter how drunk I am I'll know if I'm about to do something I'm going to regret the next day. And i'll still have a good sense of what is right and wrong. I don't know what was different about it this time. It was a huge violation and I still just let it happen. I don't know, it's easy to say to myself I was just drunk. But I know I had some idea of what was going on. It was really weak.
     
  12. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i actually was in something similar to this a few years ago. Except i had a falling out with my lady best friend. She was pretty hung up on not being friends ever again. The one thing that really helped me was writing that letter to her. I just told her how i felt about everything and apologized for what had happend in the past. Things didn't turn out so well, i mean we talk from time to time now but nowhere close to what we used to be. I guess the point is that i put my ass on the line and i actually tried. It really helped me in getting over everything because it let me know that i put forth the effort to fix things between us. Sometimes shit just cant be fixed.
     
  13. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I think this is correct just like I believe it was stated in an earlier post that you need to write a letter just for some closure. If your friends writes back or calls that would be great but it doesn't look like that would be happening. It seems like you screwed up pretty bad but then again your friend might have blew this up a little to much! Like Aquakittie said just open the word processor and let it all out. It would be a big relief of the weight on your shoulders.

    Well, gl with the letter if you plan on writting one and I hope that maybe your friend will end up talking to you again.
     
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    they obviously had sex
     
  15. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Wow...I don't think they read the post!
     
  16. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I can only imagine what it must feel like. It must be worse then this feeling of betrayal I have that's tearing me up inside.

    I mean she has been cheated on before, once. And I remember I even reassured her that time that I was going to protect her. So what really made it ten times worse this time is that the one who did it was me. I remember she was a real mess the first time. What I did really must have brought her to shambles in comparison.

    I don't want to be nagging her too much, especially if she doesn't want to hear from me. I keep thinking that will only brings back bad memories to her and maybe she just wants to pretend it never happened and move on with her life. I would probably.
     
  17. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Again I agree! just write it and send it. Leave it at that and see what happens.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  19. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    update..
    Still can't believe this.. I did write a letter and send it and all that.


    Early this morning my cellphone woke me up, had a late night. Who the hell calls me at 6 am in the morning I thought. It was her and I kept asking if it was really her, I was still half awake and wondering if this was a dream or something. I keept looking at the display on my phone just to make sure. I completly forgot what she sounded like it's been so long, I mean.. It's been 2 1/2 years... I said I was sorry and all that, she said she was too. Actually laughed together and stuff. I'm not the emotional kind but I don't know, there was tears building.

    Both of us wanted to meet up again, I said I'd take a vacation or something soon and get on a plane back when I got the chance. I think we both missed eachother alot cause we talked for like 2 hours.. about important things stupid things and funny things. She's one of those I can just talk to about whatever, it just comes out instead of running it through my mind first. Like I don't have to run what I say through a filter or something


    It's good to finally get this bloody weight of. I feel good, like happy, truly happy. I don't think she completly forgives me yet, but she wants to try to be friends again and it means alot
     
  20. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    im glad that the letter seemed to work. It looks like you two will slowly work towards building some type of friendship. Its good to know that it worked and im sure you are very happy about it.
     
  21. johan

    johan Active Member

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    well done! this is an excellent way to think of people's roles. Helps you understand the 'why' and to move on when you need to. Cherish the memories, but MOVE ON.
     

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