SRS Best friend was in a car accident... am I normal?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DreamDemon, Oct 30, 2006.

  1. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    I was at work today, when I got a call from my best friend's older sister, who I have known my entire life (21 years)... I coudln't answer, so when I could, I checked my voicemail. Her sister left me a message saying "**** was in a car accident, she's in *** in on the ... " so and so floor, room number.. I panicked immediately, because I didn't know the extent of what happened, I ran back inside to tell my supervisors that I needed to go home right then. They were very understanding and in a matter of 10 minutes I was on my way to the hospital.

    I found my way upstairs and ended up in the elevator with her dad somehow (he was lost, didn't know where to go), and he just looked.... I dont know, scared out of his mind. I didn't know what to say, or what to do, and he said to me, "Her car burned up." After that, we just walked along in silence until we got to her room.

    When we walked in, she was fine. Well, she looked fine from what I could see, and was sitting up, talking, just being herself. She had a few broken bones, and some cuts and bruises from the seatbelt, but that was about it. She had to have surgery to repair the broken bones in her ankle.

    I felt like once I knew she was okay, I was immediately exhausted. I asked her a few questions about what happened... as she told me the story, I grew more and more amazed that she WALKED out of it alive. Then I started to get angry.

    She doesn't live in the same city that I do; I moved about a year ago, and through her accident ended up in my city at the hospital. I found out that she had been here the night before-- arrived early in the afternoon, and spend the night with a friend in a hotel room so they could shop, and blah blah. I dont' know if they were drinking for SURE, but I could almost promise that they were... I jsut know them that well.

    Apparently they kind-of pulled an all-nighter, and the friend kicked her out of the room during one of their common fights (which usually only happen when they are drunk), so my friend decided to drive at 6am, 2 hours home to where she lives.

    Now, this is where I start to get angry. I need to have some opinions on if I have a right, or if there's a reason why I'm so angry about this.
    #1. She comes to town and doesn't bother to call me, even though I haven't seen her in over a month.
    #2. She and her friend get in a fight and instead of calling me to crash at my place (where I have TWO extra rooms and beds and couches, and blah blah) decides to get in the car.
    #3. SHE GETS IN THE CAR, MOST LIKELY INTOXICATED TO DRIVE 2 HOURS HOME WHEN SHE HASN'T SLEPT AT ALL.
    #4. I think she's just dumb. That's all I can say. I can't explain it. I just can't believe that she, at her age of almost 22, would think it a good idea to pull something like this.

    The accident happened about 2 miles from her parents house on a road that she knew like the back of her hand... I dont understand.

    Although I am EXTREMELY happy that she's alive and well, I cannot help but be angry. I go back and forth between crying and being so angry I could scream. Any thoughts on if this is normal? If I should talk to her, or just leave it alone? I feel like I"m being selfish a bit on how she just didn't call me, but I can't help how I feel.

    Even if no one has any advice or thoughts, I still thank you for being my sounding board. It felt really good to get this all off my chest.

    CLIFFS: There are none. Please read, I know it's really really long.
     
  2. TeddiBearHug

    TeddiBearHug New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2006
    Messages:
    271
    Likes Received:
    0
    Becoming angry at the same time you are relieved is a normal reaction to what you described. It's because you care about her.

    Mom's go through that same kind of relief & anger mixture with their children when they do stupid things and get hurt.
     
  3. teenfucker

    teenfucker Guest

    You should bring it up with her to get it off of your chest, but other than that it probably won't do any good. Small chance she might have a plausible excuse, or has something to get off her chest as well that she wasn't telling you, as to why she didn't call you / stay there. If anything, it will let her know for next time...
     
  4. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2006
    Messages:
    8,022
    Likes Received:
    0
    First of all you admit you are assuming she was drunk. It would help if you knew for sure and I'm sure you know that. I would imagine she would disclose that to you.

    Why she didn't call you? Couldn't tell you, I'd have to know way more information about your relationship with her. But ask yourself why she didn't think to call to see you. I would guess it's b/c she didn't want to, or maybe she didn't have the time.

    Why did she drive home? Well if she was drunk as you suggest, she wasn't thinking straight and was angry. If you arn't aware of it, people do stupid shit when they are drunk tired and angry. This is a perfect example. If she was sober, then she probably just wanted to go home, and not have to deal with waking up and your house and then driving home. Everyone likes to sleep in their own bed.

    Anger and/with relief is normal and very common BTW.

    Oh, and glad your friend is alive and relatively unhurt.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    First off all i think that (assuming she was drunk) didn't anticipated that a fight would occur, and when it did happen , she was so intoxicated that she could not forsee the consequenses of drink driving because she was too occupied in her mind that she just had a fight with and too angry to act or think rational.

    So im a bit hesitant on firing your bullets at her, but you know in the extend of it might have been right to do so if it was in the context that she shouldn't hang around with this so called friend anymore that she is always constantly arguing with.
     
  6. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    First off, I'm very sorry to hear what happened to your friend and, having received bad news about a loved one, I know what you are going through also sucks.

    Second, you don't need a "right" to feel anything, emotions can't be legislated, so forget that. As others said, what you are feeling is normal. You almost lost someone you care about and attribute a large part of that cause to her behavior, therefore you are angry with her because you were threatened with a loss and place at least some blame for that threat on her shoulders.

    Suggestions? Let your friend know how much this affected you, but don't blame her (blame tends to eradicate any productive dialogue in a conversation). Also, it sounds like you are concerned regarding her drinking, so let her know that as well (again, let her know you are concerned because she almost died in a car accident, not because you can't believe how stupid she is). If this happens to her a lot (you mentioned the fights have happened before), you might recommend that she get some professional help. Tread lightly on that though, as it is often a touchy subject.
     
  7. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2000
    Messages:
    20,066
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    People do or don't things for a variety of reasons. So she came into town and didn't call you...maybe she was on a short schedule and didn't have time :dunno: I have friends and family that are "in the area" every so often but they dont call because they have other plans and dont have time. it happens. I do the same. The world doesn't revolve around us, even if we'd like it too :hs:
     
  8. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    Thank you, everyone... I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm hoping when I go visit her today I will have a chance to just talk to her alone... without her parents being in the room.

    I guess one of the reasons I was so upset last night is because this is not the FIRST time she's gotten drunk and fought with this friend, and it's not the first time she's gotten in the car, and driven when she's angry and/or drunk. I know it's not safe.

    She's gotten in trouble with the law a lot, and I just dont know why she can't... I don't know. Grow up I guess. I know when a person is angry, it's hard to be rational...

    Again, I thank you everyone for your responses. They helped me sort through some of the things I was feeling, and I dont feel so guilty about how I was feeling anymore.

    If I do say anything, I will be sure to "tread lightly" ... I know this was very traumatic for her.
     
  9. BeHeadR

    BeHeadR Only Slightly Insane

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Yay Area
    If I were you I'd walk away from this girl and never look back. You are obviously smarter and more mature than she is...and you also obviously believe your relationship with her is more meaningful than it actually is. Shes a loser man, pure and simple, shes had previous problems with the law, she drives drunk, she is irresponsible...shes a loser. She will continue to be a loser, no amount of talking to her or trying to get her to see the error in her ways is going to help, she will just resent you.

    You just have to stop being a wuss, man up, and walk away from her.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    To the poster above, people can change. We are all going thru a growing process and taking painfull paths to achieve self-improvement of our souls. Remember this person is a friend, not a gf who cheated on the OP. And its absolutely the worst possible moment to walk out of her life, so for you the advice that.

    Real friends step into your life where fake friends step out of your life. This includes having a disease, or car wreck, a stroke, the moment you need a shoulder to lean on, a real friend will be there for you. Fake friends are the kind that only use you. When needed in financial aid they want to loan money, they slave you and if you ask something back they would laugh at you.

    No one has a perfect life, and even if that doesn't discard that this person doesn't have the right to be loved , or helped or to be supported during the difficult times they face. Hold a hand over your heart, in times where people honestly need you.
     
  11. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    No, I am not going to walk away from her... I might have talk until I'm blue in the face, and if she doesn't change, at least I know that I tried. I don't know if you all are familiar with Teen Challenge, but it's here in ND and it's like a voluntary treatment facillity where they ... I don't know how to put this and do it any justice.

    I guess, they kind of teach you to lean on the Lord when you just can't seem to straighten up any other way. Usually this program is used for heavy meth, cocain or other drugs, but I have another friend that went there for his alcohol addiction. He's a new man.

    I dont think that going to treatment will help her. And I desperately want to help her.

    By the way everyone, she was drinking. And I dont know if she knows it yet, but she might be looking at some charges there.
     
  12. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    She has a problem. She needs to realize for herself that she has a problem and that until she resolves it she will continue to hurt those she cares about - you, her family, her other friends, etc. You may want to try the Road To Recovery forum; there are many recovering addicts who can help you with things to say and do to encourage her to change her behavior. Ultimately it'll be her that has to change, though...
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Are you guys best friends or where there some other feelings involved as well at one point or another. I am wondering if perhaps something like that played a part in her not calling you...
     
  14. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    We're both female... never been anything but best friends. Our families are close and have been even before we were born.

    I talked to her about why she didn't call me and she just simply said she planned on calling me the following day when her other friends were shopping.

    I also checked out road to recovery and even sent her a link so she can check it out herself. I also gave her the Teen Challenge website ... I hope that I'm not coming off like I'm accusing her of anything.

    Ugh... I think this is weighing more on me than it is on her. It seems to us (her sister and I) that she doesn't even realize what happened really... and how serious it is, what the consequences will be.
     

Share This Page