SRS Best Friend is PSYCHO!!!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by merpan, Mar 17, 2005.

  1. merpan

    merpan Guest

    Okay. So I've been friends with this girl since like grade 10, now 22 years old. She's very emotional and is also extremely depressed. She went out with this guy in grade 11 and she is still obsessing about him. He was her first, and they dated for about a year, and she still thinks that they are meant to be together because "God told her so". Nothing against believers in God, but come on now!!! So anyways she went out with another guy for 3 months or so and obsessed over him when they broke up. She's fine now from the second guy, but now she's back to the first guy. I love her to peices cause she's my best friend and she's really sweet. But how do you tell some one who's EXTREMELY emotional to just give up. That it's not going to happen. I don't want to hurt her, because I've tried to tell her this before, and she just gets upset with me and says that I''m unsupportive of her and I just don't understand. She has now given up on dating all together. What do I do?!? How do I get her to stop obsessing so much...please help me!!
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Messages:
    14,017
    Likes Received:
    0
    She needs some help. Get her to a therapist.
     
  3. Juvenall

    Juvenall What Would Juvie Do?

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Messages:
    2,221
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    #!/usr/bin/Detroit
    The short of the answer is, you don't. There's little you can do to prevent this girl from panting over this guy.

    In general, girls tend to use their "first" as the basis for what they see as an ideal relationship. This tends to become even stronger in those with deep religious feelings or backgrounds. The result is they almost feel obligated or bound to this person in a subconscious way (which can give that feeling of "God wants us together" or "soul mate").

    There is no "one thing" you can do to help her get over this other guy. The feelings are really deep rooted in her head. Sans therapy, the only option you have is to be supportive of her and let her work this out on her own. In time, with proper guidance from friends and a reintroduction to the dating world via new types of guys, she'll grow up from this.
     
  4. ^^^listen to him
     
  5. PaZzEsCo

    PaZzEsCo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2005
    Messages:
    498
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wow merpan!! You just told my life story with a friend of mine!!! Insane. But now I've finally given up on her, I can't take it anymore!! So I know how you feel, good luck!!
     
  6. merpan

    merpan Guest

    See the thing is both guys had this problem of being really "lovey-dovey" and then not calling for like 2 weeks then come back and start over again. She let them, but it hurt her everytime they left again. Now she thinks that all guys are like that. I've tried to tell her they're not, as I've been in a very solid relationship for 3 years now, but she just doesn't get it. I just feel so sad for her because I want so much for her to be happy becuase these guys have just walked all over her and she deserves so much better. She's going to therapy now, but only once every 3 months. She's afraid to tell the doctor anything either because she doesn't want him to judge her.

    It's almost like she doesn't want to be any different. She always mopes around and has no self-confidence, but when I suggest fun things we could do or things that might help her become confident she just says that she can't do it. AGGHHH...so frustrating. Anyways I think I just need to vent and to see if anyone else has advice.:dunno: I don't want to give up on her, because that's no fair. I'm the only one left for her. :(
     
  7. Britney Spears

    Britney Spears New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    541
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Beverly Hillz, California *~ I LOVE FANMAIL! ~* Je
    It's like, tell her to stop living in the past.

    You really can't solve anyone's personal distress without digging deep. How'd your communication? Do you ask her questions?
     
  8. PaZzEsCo

    PaZzEsCo New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2005
    Messages:
    498
    Likes Received:
    0
    Something I've learned is NEVER to take on anyone elses problems or stress. It's obvious your friend is bringing you down and your worrying about her. I know what you mean about being the only one left for her because as I said before I was in your position. I was the only one left for my friend. I was the only one that helped her through her problems and cared about her. But honestly, you can only take so much!! I guess, be a good friend to her as long as you can and tell her how you feel. But remember, people don't change overnight. It takes a long time. Try not to take on her stress! I can tell you from experience that this is also gonna screw you up and hurt you in the long run!! Good Luck!!
     
  9. merpan

    merpan Guest

    We talk alot, and she's getting better not talking about the guys, but I think it's only because everytime she does I tell her that she needs to get over it and that they arent' even worth her worrying about it. I think she just keeps inside now, and that worries me even more. Like I said she's really emotional and I don't think she would do anything stupid, but she's been really depressed lately and it seems like no matter what she can't get out of it. I try to ask her questions about work and her horses. I dread asking her how she is, because she's never happy and it just ends up upsetting me, because I'm a happy kind of person. You know? And when someone else is unhappy/angry/depressed I get into that mood as well. And if she's not unhappy about something in her life then it goes back to the guys. Like 3 weeks ago we went to get our belly buttons peirced together as something fun to do for both of us and the first thing she said when it was done was ".....(First boyfriend) would have really liked this." It doesn't stress me out, I just feel like if I don't pull through for her she won't. Again though, this is just venting, but it does help to have some feed back!! Thanks!!
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    That's right.

    You can give advice.
    You can be a supportive shoulder to cry on.
    You can pick up the phone when she calls at 3am and needs to vent.

    But, ultimately everyone must confront their own problems.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You can't always get what you want , (rolling stones sounds appropriate here)

    She is extremely naive , when school is over , people go home. And that counts the same for her relationship, she needs to let the bell ring that it is over between her and him. And needs to move on with her life. Did he gave her a wedding ring? If the answer is no, then he's not comitted to her anymore. You could say to her , that God created man and woman, and when they bond , they become as one. And that she isn't bonding with this guy at all. Tell her, he is going out with another girl and has moved on with his life, and encourage her to do the same. Tell her she is beating a dead horse , and doing something completely pointless. No matter how hard she is beating this dead horse, it won't come alive again. Tell her there's many fish in the sea, and that there's loads of guys out there, many probably even better then him, and that she is wasting her life waiting for her romeo to come to her balkony, she needs to wake up in the real world and aknowledge that there's no guy in her life or her room. And that she while he isn't there AT LEAST could go out dating again with other guys instead of waiting while she becomes older and no guy likes her anymore.
     

Share This Page