SRS Best friend and my first love...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Fiya, Jun 1, 2006.

  1. Fiya

    Fiya Guest

    Here's the story. I'll make it as short as possible.

    Nearly a year ago, maybe a little longer than that... my first love broke up with me for another girl and got her pregnant not even a month after. Now he has a baby. But, he just left that girl, just ran away and no one could find him, not even me. (which everyone suspected he'd come to me...) Meanwhile, my best friend and I were hanging out and having a conversation about him, and I had said, 'yeah, it's been a long time, I could forgive him, but I would still be weary of dating him, although I probably still would because I love him.'

    Anyhow, it turns out that the entire time (myself completely unknowing,) my best friend had been hiding him out in her apartment. And she called one day to tell me some 'bad news,' which was that they had been seeing eachother as well. She had said she was afraid to tell me, and didn't know how I'd react.

    Since then, I feel I have conveyed that I'm uncomfortable being around them together. My friend tells me I just need to get over it.

    I, personally feel that if she had thought that her actions would have hurt me in any way, then she shouldn't have engaged in that relationship, but since she did, she really had no regard for my feelings. We've been friends for years. I love her like a sister, but it's killing me to see them together. First loves are not easily forgotten.

    I just don't know what I should do, because I can't bear to discontinue my friendship with her, I love her so much. But I can't be around her anymore without coming home later that night and crying myself to sleep.

    I should also add that I am probably in some way condoning their relationship by not getting upset or just pretending to be 'okay' in social situations. (she just graduated this year, so I attended her graduation, and also hung out with them afterwards at her apartment.)

    I really can't think of an easy way to approach this situation.
    Any advice would be much apprieciated. :wtc:
     
  2. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Sounds like you need your space/time to yourself to get over him still, and the fact that he's dating your friend. Tell her or both of them this, and then take it. If you two care about eachother as much as you claim she'll/they'll understand and let you take your time, if not, you'll find out just how good of a "friend" she is if she starts getting all pissy with you and not understanding - which at that point - just be the bigger person and cut em loose and when you're over it decide if you want to see where they are and if a friendship can be rekindled.

    Above and beyond all, you are your #1 priority - if it hurts you - get out and stay out until you've accepted what has happened and moved on.
     
  3. PoliticalPirate

    PoliticalPirate New Member

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    I'm sorry but since when does hiding from your babys momma, and dumping a girl in love with him for another girl he ends up leaving for another girl... make him a desirable for dating???
     
  4. Fiya

    Fiya Guest

    I guess chicks like assholes :dunno:
     
  5. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Immature ones do.

    Don't bother with them if you're looking for anything more than a very sexual relationship.

    There's still a handful of girls that like to be respected, they are getting harder to find these days though between the ages of 18-23 in my opinion.

    There's a difference between being a challenge and keeping their interests and being an asshole, sadly most young girls can't seem to figure that out until they've spread their legs for them and have gotten wrapped into their games. On the other hand you can't just be a nice guy that smothers them, either. As with everything, there's a medium.
     
  6. Fiya

    Fiya Guest

    well, on a side note...
    my ex (Chris) was the nicest guy I ever dated (the one with a child now). I was with an abusive guy and it was Chris who gave me the strength to leave him. He never called me a name or said 'fuck you' or 'fuck off' like most of my bfs (even my current one) has. Chris was very respectful. Thats, I think why I loved him so much. And why it hurts to see him with my best friend.

    And I'm afraid I'm wrapped up in some serious jerry springer stuff. Because my best friend was previously dating Chris's brother. And Chris's ex is now sleeping with him instead. The whole situation is something I never wished to get involved in.

    I guess the real problem for me is... I don't really want to be with Chris anymore, in that sense, I'm over him. However, he's not been a permanant fixture in my life until now, so it hasn't hurt to have him not with me. The fact that he's with my best friend makes me a little jealous and just angry, I suppose, that in order to be around my friend, I have to have him in my life in some way. I either want him with me or far away from me, I suppose.
     
  7. redspydaman

    redspydaman Bresil, mon coeur. Brasil, meu coração

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    You sound like you live in an episode of the Montel Williams show.

    and I suspect most of it is because you enjoy the drama, otherwise you would say the hell with the drama...and walk away.
     
  8. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    It definitely sounds like you are a magnet to this, and seem to have no problem with it. As you even said your current bf tells you to 'fuck off' and such.

    Until you identify its you that are putting yourself in these positions, not much advice anyone can give you online.
     
  9. Fiya

    Fiya Guest


    noo... I just can't 'walk away' from my best friend. it hurts me but she means a lot to me, she's always been there for me. Its just not easy to find a way out of the situation, or at least put myself in a position not to get hurt...
     
  10. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I think the real problems lies within you with self esteem issues. I think it was pretty clear from your original post that would take this Chris guy back, even after cheating on you, leaving you, and getting another girl pregnate within a month's time. I think that is a bigger "F YOU" then someone saying those words to you, don't you agree? Yet you likely would have taken him back if he wanted to-you said it yourself before you tried to turn that statement around in a later post.

    If you truly had a high level of self esteem and respect, you would not have made that statement, and would not have cared at all that this guy was seperated from his baby's momma, because he already screwed up and is a thing of the past. You would have realized that you were far too good for this guy and this thread wouldn't even be in existance.

    Also, your friend should never have told you to "Get over it" even though you should. That's not a nice thing for your friend to say to you, nor is it smart to get involved with a guy who has cheated on her best friend, made babies with another girl, and then ran away and hid from her too. And she takes this loser with open arms? Yeesh! This is Jerry Springer shit...

    I hope you are able to realize how above all of this you can be...
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    If I were you, I would be bothered by the fact that my ex turned out to be a two-timer and my best friend turned out to be an opportunist. Could be you're thinking the same thing, minus the clear verbal description.

    What it boils down to is that if you're not comfortable around them, then whatever the reason is that you still spend time with them, it's not a healthy reason. It might hurt to avoid them, but if you do that you will be the better for it I suspect. This applies regardless of whether or not you "like the drama", as some have suggested.
     
  12. Fiya

    Fiya Guest

    thanks to all for the advice...

    I feel better now :wiggle:
     
  13. gsxec

    gsxec New Member

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    Okay so he knocked up a bitch and dissapeared becuase he couldnt man up to his responsibilities - and you want to get back with this pathetic low life, and still want a friend who has standards so farking low that she will date a jobless loser who dissapeared from a girl with his baby....... mmmmm k??:mepoke:
     
  14. yourface8706

    yourface8706 New Member

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    hahaha we don't like them! we just somehow fall for them because a lot of these assholes, turn on a charm. And wonderfully sweet guys are hard to come by these days. Really! I fell for a guy who I thought was the best guy on the planet. We shared a similar intrest in music, he was active in his church, he was polite, considerate, and just about anything a girl would look for in a guy. Turned out, he was a cheater and a liar. I did not intend to fall for a cheater and a liar..I personally like to steer clear of those ones. But you just can't tell sometimes.

    Show me 10 wonderful, sweet guys...and I could probably show you 100 assholes.
     
  15. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    You fall for their confidence, most likely. It's that same confidence that allows them to use other people. The attractiveness of that is an instinct held over from way back when, when the only stuff you got was the stuff you made or took. I prefer making stuff to taking stuff, myself, but then again, I'm not normal.
     
  16. Fiya

    Fiya Guest

    He wants custody of his child, he just had to get away from his gf, and she was psycho. So that was his method.

    Since then, she's slept with every guy around him, all of his friends, and even his brother. She quit her job as an apartment complex manager to become a stripper claiming that he doesn't want to help out with his child, when he actually does. Mind you, she weighs about 250lbs at 5'6" so she's realllllly not cut out for that line of work. :ugh:

    The point is, I don't think it was wrong of him to leave his ex-girlfriend, I just think it was wrong of him to twist the knife. He already left me, got another girl pregnant, which broke my heart because truth is, I got pregnant too and didn't tell him, I just had an abortion. But what really hurts me is that he has to be a permanant fixture in my life now. Where before, I knew we weren't together and that was fine, he had his own life. Now, he is a part of my life on a constant basis because he's dating my best friend, which might I add, is the double edged blade for me. :hsugh:
     
  17. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    it appears to me that you already know what you feel, you just are dealing with the loss of two people who USED to be close to you. Realize that what you had is not worth having anymore in your life. Yes, they may have been great as a best friend and boyfriend in the past, but not anymore. If your best friend was REALLY your best friend then she wouldnt have been with your boyfriend in the first place. and if youre boyfriend loved you as much as you thought, he wouldnt have left you in the first place. Yes it hurts, because you are grieveing and hurting. But after those feelings pass you will think logically and allow yourself to move on and meet better people.
     

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