Best breakup evar : NOT Very happy - part 2

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Gonrad, Jan 14, 2005.

  1. Gonrad

    Gonrad OT Supporter

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    Thread in reference:
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1536281

    And I just got off the phone...but the story...

    Well I come home from work, feeling very sick. Tired, body hurts, sore throat, I feel shitty.

    And then I get this text-msg:
    I knew this was coming, but this soon. I dunno. Mind you she cleared up on the phone that it isn't a date with just the two of them. They are gonna go with a group of people.

    I broke up with her on Sunday. It's only Thursday. And she slept over on Wedneday at her friend's which is when she found out.

    When I told her the reason on Sunday, it was only part of it. There was more but it was just too hard.

    This is the girl I gave up on because I tried hard to make the whole cultulral, family value, religion shit work. In the end, I chose my family and my culture and everything else over her. I tried hard. Very hard to tell her all the reasons when I let her know on Sunday but it was just too hard.

    Because I knew deep down it wasn't going to work. I took a cowards way out; I hurt her feelings. I killed a part of her. This is how she felt on the phone. I didn't know what to do or say.

    I still want to be her friends, and I still have that little part of me that will always love her. All the good memories are all coming back and are just haunting me. Considering I don't have many friends who I can hang out with and the fact that I work from 9 to 6:30, and pretty much have no life once I'm home. I looked forward to weekend cuz we'd be together. And on rare occasion my buddy would call us up and we'd be together.

    I feel so hurt and it's like I want to blame her for rebounding so quick, but afterall, I was the one responsible.

    I don't want to think she is a bitch or a slut or whatever. She has to do whatever makes her happy. Whatever she does, I have to be happy for her.

    I am still confused. I am not sure what to do. :hug:

    I'd be lying to myself if I think we will be best friends forever, but it's almost so certain things can never be this way between exs.

    Shit...
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2005
  2. DrK_Mrk_iV

    DrK_Mrk_iV OT Supporter

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    Eh don't sweat it man.

    Let me ask you this.


    Would you rather be feeling this way at this exact moment?


    Or find out one day before dumping her that you were the father of her child?


    Just putting it into perspective. It could be worse. A lot worse.
     
  3. Gonrad

    Gonrad OT Supporter

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    I thought about too many shit before I told her it was over. I mean I'd be lying to myself if I wanted to think it'd work one day, because that's all I was doing. I was trying to make myself believe it'd work but I for some reason just knew it'd be too hard.

    I think the hardest part of it is now facing all the friends and family she introduced me to. Because she spoke so highly of me and now she feels it was all a lie and how she thought I was somebody she knew but I guess I wasn't.

    I have never wanted to be the badguy. I never wanted to feel comfortable knowing I was, but now that I am, it feels sick. And knowing that one day I may go visit her and have to face the people I was introduced to.

    She lives in a small town. I was practically intorudced to everyone. I'd be humiliated to shit knowing I was just a big lie. Considering I'm the only one with a car, if I want to see her, I'd have to go on my own.

    Guess I'll just wait for that invitation. I lost her but I don't want to lose her. Kinda doesn't make sense but I guess it does. :dunno:
     
  4. armond

    armond New Member

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    You need to clear this up. If you do not make this reason clear to her, then how can you be really considered a friend? Friends are honest with eachother, they let them know what's up and what's not. I suggest getting that courage up to really sit down and explain all the reasons you wanted out.

    Also, you should not be worrying about her getting with someone else, you just wanted her as a friend right? Seeing as the whole personal interests/beliefs did not work out, you basically pronounced youself as incompatable with her. So you broke it off, move on then. But you still got some trash to take out.
     
  5. Gonrad

    Gonrad OT Supporter

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    I told her the main reasons on the phone but I still find it hard to let it out. I mean, all my life I've tried to say the right thing and I never wanted to hurt anyone and I feel like the truth will hurt the most in this case.

    My family had a hard time accepting my relationship (mainly because of cultulre/religion clash). I don't think my family hates her for who or what she is or where she comes from. I had a REALLY hard time putting up with her mother (for that she told me how she feels considering she has to put up with her - and that I just didn't want to try hard enough). In the end it just feels like I chose my family over her. But I couldn't live with the rest of my life knowing she was never going to get accepted by anyone other then me (which isn't all that true considering I'm sure most of the relatives would accept her - it would be just awkward and hard).

    I guess I gave up on the relationship and didn't try hard enough. But I didn't want to pursue anything further knowing it would still bring her hurt.

    After I got off the phone I sent her a big e-mail. May seem cowardly but I wanted to to express my thoughts to her which I had trouble expressing verbally. I didn't re-list all the reasons in the e-mail; just that I'm sorry and why I did what I did.


    Thanks for listening. :hug:
     
  6. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    Again, I'm horrible with usernames. Is this the girl you went away with to a hotel for a weekend?
     
  7. YOU BROKE UP WITH HER, MOVE ON AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT SHE IS DOING.









    There isn't some rule that says how long you should wait before seeing others, mind your own business and let her know she doesn't have to clear her life with you anymore, you're not together.

    You can't have it both ways man.... you can't break up with her and still treat her like your girlfriend, get jealous, etc..

    Breaking up means IT'S OVER, do the mature thing and walk away and wish her well. Chances are she is just rebounding with this guy, but so what? It's not your problem how she deals with the breakup, it's up to you to worry about your shit.

    MOVE ON.
     
  8. Oh also, here's a word of advice from someone who knows.



    Never let your family dictate who you are involved with etc.. It's your life, not theirs, and at the end of the day they should simply be happy for you because you are happy.



    But you are young, and unfortunately this logical statement won't sink in until later in life when you have not done as I suggested, and you have a lot of regret about the people you have shut out of your life because you lived your life according to the rules of others. :hs:
     
  9. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    1,000,000,000% correct.

    You have to look out for yourself in life. Well, when you're with someone "yourselves". Your happiness as a couple takes a priority over anyone's opinions, thoughts or stance on a relationship.

    I'm really agree DC on that. I've been throught it before and it's only made the relationship with my wife stronger. Yeah, you may hurt some feelings or steop on some toes, but you have to remember who you're waking up next to every morning. F-what your family thinks, look out for your happiness. If you're in a relationship and you're both happy that's all that matters in the world. If you're family can't deal with it, sternly tell them to get used to it because your out to please yourself and significant other, not them.
     
  10. Muerte

    Muerte New Member

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    100% agree, I'm in a similar situation atm...
     
  11. armond

    armond New Member

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    Think of it this way, who will you be living with in the future? Your gf/so or your parents? Who is gonna give birth to your children(if you want some), who is gonna sleep in the same bed? If you say your parents...:ugh:

    It will be some woman, and it has to be of your choosing, not theirs. You cannot base it on what they like, and if you do, you may end up with something you don't want.
     
  12. Gonrad

    Gonrad OT Supporter

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    I agree. And I'd be lying if I said that never crossed my mind. But I tried to make myself belive that and then my mind would change.

    I was still trying to find if this girl was for me, but all the influence from outsiders just never let me get the chance to get closer.

    - It was hard enough being able to see her (she lived about an hour away).
    - My car is broken; and she doesn't have a car. So I have to borrow my bro's; and it's hard enough convincing him to let me borrow.
    - Her parents still put curfew on her. I don't think we've gone out past 12am.
    - There was too much tension around her house that came down on her and as much as I tried to comfort her; I wasn't getting anywhere.
    - I never felt comfortable around her step-mom. She contributed a good deal to this situation and I'll never forgive her for that. And it sickens me that my (ex)g/f has to live with her.
    - She craved attention; I dunno how good or bad this is depending on how you look at it.

    These all seem like silly excuces but I factored all this in and I figured I'd let her go before she got too caught up with me.

    I think I was really looking for a good friend; but it got to a point that we were looked as couple. I had a good time. No doubt. She was a great companion.
    And I know (according to the ladder theory) that a man and a woman can never be just 'friends'.

    Well seeing as we're ex', maybe the rule/theory won't apply to us.

    Guess I just gotta suck it up and move on.
     

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