FRK Being submisive or a pushover?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Lavender, Jan 9, 2005.

  1. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    I think my naturally submissive nature is getting me in trouble.

    Last night I went to a party (I’m in college) and I hooked up with this much older guy (I’m a virgin)

    The night went horrible, he didn't really do anything right, started going too hard too fast while fingering me (and my clit isn't going to respond to roughness like my body does) and I think I gave him head for almost an hour n a half. (And he didn't cum, which NEVER happens with me. I thought my jaw was going to fall off) We didn't have sex, and I didn't cum either. He did have a prince albert, but you would think that would make him more sensitive?

    So my thinking is that because I'm submisive, and I wanted to please this guy, that I could do something I really regret. I couldn't tell this guy no, because I felt that I was.....like disobeying him or something. Even when he was really hurting me, and it didn't feel good anymore, I couldn't tell him to stop.

    Am I just being a pushover?

    And another thing. I think he scratched me with his nail inside me. What are the possible consequences for that?
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2005
  2. pixie

    pixie on one wild ride :naughty:

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    Being a submisive means you like being told what to do-you get pleasure from it, it makes you complete.

    This didn't sound that way to me-sounds like you were miserable (unless I'm reading it wrong :dunno: )


    As for the possible scratches? I actually am not sure, doesn't sound good. Maybe call an advise nurse at the college or something-you'd get better (more medically sound) advice from someone with a medical background than folks on an internet forum.





    PS-that color font isn't readable w/classic OT unless you highlight it, might want to change to another color, or stop the colored fonts
     
  3. RadioPagan

    RadioPagan K-9 Search and Rescue Handler, Ret. Rescue Paramed

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    Contrary to popular beliefs the submissive runs the show, the Dominant should be responding to the signs of the submissive. You should NEVER sub to anyone without discussing the scene first and have a safe word established. A safe word is a word that if the word is said by the sub, everything STOPS immediately. Being submissive does not mean being a pushover, if you cannot discuss things with your Dom then you should not be subbing to him.

    If you discussed things before hand he would known your limits, and there would be no reason for you to regret anything. The SM/BD world is a TWO way street, the Dom get what they want by pleasing their sub, the sub gets what they want by pleasing their Dom, and this cannot happen without COMMUNICATION.

    As to the scratch, keep the area as clean as you can with soap and water until you can have it looked at by you OB/GYN.

    If you need to you can PM me and ask questions that way.
     
  4. Mimi

    Mimi New Member

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    As a Dominatrix, what you experienced was not appros in a typical BDSM relationship. There is a word you are supposed to discuss with your S.O. and before you and your S.O act out the bedroom scene or another scene, you need to have a word, whether it be "uncle" or "enough".

    Occassionally "stop" is not good because the sub would moan "Don't stop" during an act and the Dom would misunderstand and end everything. Contrary to popular beliefs, the Dominatrix does not always take control of the whole scene. There's communication between the sadist and the maschoist.

    You shouldn't have had to experience a rough evening of different standards that is not BDSM at all. The fact you were fingered with no safety precautions and you were scratched in the result process, it shows ill response on your S.O's part.

    Before you decide to participate in another evening like this again, please set your boundaries. Discuss the password rule as it is a cardinal rule with all Dominatrixes. Second of all, please make sure you have protection. My final advice for you is to get yourself out by a physician (if you haven't done so) and explain the reason for this. He/she will understand your concerns. :)
     
  5. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    ok people... read her post...
    she didn't say he was an SO... nor did she say that he was her Dom.
    he was just a guy that was horny and took advantage of her.

    if you are interested in being an actual sub, then i think you need to learn the ropes more of BDSM before you go gung-ho and make a career out of it (so to speak). people who are subs know what they're doing, they know their limits, and they don't let anyone push them. it sounds to me like you need more practice in that area. you could ask a few people on here who live that lifestyle for some pointers... if thats the direction that you're going in.

    if you aren't looking to be an actual "sub" then you need to take better care of yourself all together. being a virgin in a situation as such is a hard thing. you're not experienced and you can be an easy target. you may be submissive in nature, but if you're uncomfortable in such situations you either need to rethink your standards... or you need to study up. if this isn't making any sense, ask me to specify.

    and as far as the scratch goes... can you feel pain from it? if you can, i would refrain from having sex or anything like that until it heals or you get it checked out. an infection in there would not be fun.
     
  6. Acesn8s

    Acesn8s The Deadman's Hand

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    I think your submissive nature did help you get taken advantage of. Try and establish some protective boundaries (save your submission for those who you deem worthy of sharing with). :hs:
     
  7. submissive1

    submissive1 Guest

    Sweetheart stay clear of this guy. He took advantage of you in a big way. Its happen to us all so just chalk it up to a lesson learned.

    Now this is what I want you to do.....look up some info on the web about the power exchange between a sub and a Dom. Actually if you go to amazon.com and view the first few pages of Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns I think you can read what they say about it there and it should benefit you.
     
  8. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    Thank all of you for your help. I'm still getting into all of this, and it helps to have people that actually understand, because i know my friends don't.

    it was really hard for me to write that post, cuz i thought i sounded like a dumbass, but it's just something that i needed to ask. and now that i understand all this a little better..

    submissive1- thank you, and i think i will go buy that book and read it anyway.

    brokenhalo- thank you for reading my post correctly. and yes, i am interested in being a sub, and i enjoy it very much. but i am young, and still learning.

    acesn8s- thank you for your reply, very clean, simple, and direct.

    radiopagan and mimi- thank you for your imput, and after reading your reply's i have a better outlook on sub/dom relationships

    Pixie- I've stoped using color'd fonts, is it still showing up in that pink color? because on my screen its the color of everyone elses. thank you for your imput aswell.
     
  9. Cherryfire

    Cherryfire "If we believe obsurdities, we shall commit atroci

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    I totally agree with this. In the past, I've found myself in quite a lot of situations that mirror yours where i walked out feeling empty, embarrased, confused and pissed off simply because I was too "nice" to say no. In addition to making personal boundaries for yourself, get your friends involved. Ask them to be a reminder for you when they see you getting involved with something over your head or that you'd regret later. If theyre your friends, theyre wanting to do this anyway but perhaps feel it isnt their place.
     
  10. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    exactly, i couldn't agree with you more sub...


    darling, if you're looking to get into it, more power to you, its fun if everyone is safe and knows what they're doing... just make sure you study up and take care of yourself :wiggle:


    ps... I'm known for reading things correctly... call me a teacher's pet ;)
    I'm also very good with advise, i'm not the typical idiot you usually run into on the internet. and there a quite a few of us on FS that are more than happy to give you good advise on things. Cherry is one of them and I'm always open to a friendly PM :cool:
     
  11. submissive1

    submissive1 Guest

    Not to speak for everyone but I'm guessing that everyone like myself are glad you asked. I have found at times that those more experienced in the lifestyle come off with this holier than thou attitude when it comes to us rookies and as of yet I haven't found that here.
     
  12. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    nah we is nice edjumacated peoples on here :)


    ok, so i just shot my statement about my being intelligent in the ass :mamoru:
     
  13. _syn

    _syn New Member

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    That would be a lot easier if she didn't type onto a grey background with a grey font. :slap:
     
  14. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    I didn't use any color. I'm not sure why everyone is seeing it in a different color, cuz on my screen, it looks normal.
     
  15. _syn

    _syn New Member

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    It must be everyone else then.
     
  16. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    :dunno:
     
  17. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    i saw it just fine :gtfo:


    :love:
     
  18. Cherryfire

    Cherryfire "If we believe obsurdities, we shall commit atroci

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    I'm not trying to be a jerk..but i actually couldnt see it until i highlighted it all. :dunno:
     
  19. _syn

    _syn New Member

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    [QUOTE=Lavender][color=#cccccc]I think my naturally submissive nature is getting me in trouble. [/color]
     
    [color=#cccccc]Last night I went to a party (I’m in college) and I hooked up with this much older guy (I’m a virgin) [/color]
     
    [color=#cccccc]The night went horrible, he didn't really do anything right, started going too hard too fast while fingering me (and my clit isn't going to respond to roughness like my body does) and I think I gave him head for almost an hour n a half. (And he didn't cum, which NEVER happens with me. I thought my jaw was going to fall off) We didn't have sex, and I didn't cum either. He did have a prince albert, but you would think that would make him more sensitive?[/color]
     
    [color=#cccccc]So my thinking is that because I'm submisive, and I wanted to please this guy, that I could do something I really regret. I couldn't tell this guy no, because I felt that I was.....like disobeying him or something. Even when he was really hurting me, and it didn't feel good anymore, I couldn't tell him to stop.[/color]
     
    [color=#cccccc]Am I just being a pushover?[/color]
      
    [color=#cccccc]And another thing. I think he scratched me with his nail inside me. What are the possible consequences for that?[/color][/QUOTE]
    I'll give you people three guesses what color=#cccccc does to a post. ;)
     
  20. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    is it.... orange?
     
  21. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    is that better?
     
  22. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    Ding ding ding, tell'er what she's won, bob! =P
     
  23. Cherryfire

    Cherryfire "If we believe obsurdities, we shall commit atroci

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    :bigthumb:
     
  24. _syn

    _syn New Member

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    Amazing that without the tag to color the text grey it displays black as it should. Just nutty.
     
  25. Lavender

    Lavender Easter is my favorite holiday...

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    It didn't look different to me.
     

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