being single fucking sucks

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by giz, Oct 29, 2009.

  1. giz

    giz Active Member

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    anybody else feel like their dating situation, now and/or in the future, is just bleak?

    maybe I'm just having one of those days, but I don't see myself ever finding somebody that I can love like crazy and they'll love me the same way back. I don't even understand how people find that. I'm fucking jealous beyond belief of happy couples. I see these people holding hands, smiling, laughing, and looking at each other like they just met and can barely think because they're so in awe of the other. I want that.

    I think there are some things about my personality that might be off-putting to women, but I like the way I am. I like how I view the world and I'm happy with myself. could that doom me to a life of solitude? sometimes I think I'd be more successful with women if I just went through life half-asleep.

    plus I'm picky as fuck. I can't date anybody I'm not really into, I just can't do it - can't fake it. I can count the number of people I'd have been willing to date on one hand and I meet a lot of fucking people. and out of those people, I'd probably lose interest in all of them after a couple weeks. it's a unconscious process and I hate it.

    I don't know whats wrong. I'm smart, educated, witty, outgoing, playful, in shape, meticulous, well-read, and keep a shitload of hobbies. I have depth and I'm interesting. when I go out, I'm the alpha. to use Falconer's words, "I'm awesome." so what the fuck? what can I do?

    single people - I'm interested in hearing some personal perspectives on your own situations. are you happily single? why? why not? how do you keep yourself thinking positively?
     
  2. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    I'm in the same situation. The guy I was working with the past two days was asking a bunch of people what their top 3 movies were, and then at dinner I met his wife and we mentioned that and 2 of the movies she listed were 2 of his 3 also. She could even guess what his 3rd, 4th and 5th ones were.

    Gets annoying too since I'm single and I'm always the 3rd/5th wheel. And they're all really good couples, none of the stereotypical pussy whipped guys or women that tolerate abuse. Even with my family it's my mom & dad and my brother and his wife. Then I meet women that either aren't interested in me or I'm not interested in them.

    I think it's the fact that I can tell what I want (just don't know what that is) and like you I can't fake it.

    One thing I've learned though is the worst women are the ones that friends/family set you up with. My sister in law said there was a really cute girl that lived up by them (2 hours away) and I just said I'd pass since I'm not going to drive 4 hours both ways to see someone. This was like 3 or 4 months ago and now she's evidently pregnant. Good pick sis.

    EDIT: I'm happy but feel like I'll fucking hate it when I'm older.
     
  3. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I was like this at one time.

    My best friend was like this too at one time.

    And all I gotta say is give it time. Have patience. Enjoy your life and stop worrying about "when and how and who."

    Live your life. Have fun. Hang with friends.

    One day you will find the "one" and then it'll be great. It'll be all that you wanted.

    I'm married now. I have a great wife. I have a newborn. THAT'S what I wanted and I got it.

    My friend found the love of his life and they just got engaged and is soon to be married now as well. That's what he wanted.

    It happened to us. It can happen to you as well.
     
  4. teep

    teep New Member

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    I know what you mean. I don't have the opportunity to really meet new people in my situation so I settle for whatever occasional poon comes my way. I miss the sunshine and pixiefarts aspect of relationships you're talking about, but I've become relatively complacent with being single.

    The last girl I dated was very cool, but I wasn't attracted to her physically. She would always spout off about how independent she was and how she needed her space. I thought, "perfect!" Then she broke it off cause I didn't call her enough and "didn't care enough." bitches are crazy.

    The girl I've sort of been dating recently is stupid hot, but that's about it. Sometimes hanging out with her is like nails on a chalk board, but I still go out with her anyway cause...well she's hot.

    I don't think you can force the mushy stuff or really actively look for it. You just kind of have to let it happen and take whatever fun comes your way in the mean time.
     
  5. giz

    giz Active Member

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    yeah its small things like that that really hit you. you just want somebody that understands and knows you that well.

    I washed my sheets last night and as I was trying to put my duvet cover on (which is a pain in the ass) I lost it. I literally just sat and cried :ugh: why? because I started to think about how my ex (I've had one gf and though it was only for a few months, I loved her to death) used to help me and how something so simple made me feel fucking awesome.

    and yeah I hear ya. my mom tries to set up me up and 1) it makes me feel like damaged goods and 2) makes me wonder what is wrong with them
     
  6. giz

    giz Active Member

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    I'm happy to hear that. reading through your thread about your daughter had me in envious tears on a few different occasions.

    I understand what you are saying, and I feel like I've been doing my best to just live my life and let things come to me. I've put a lot of work into creating a lifestyle that allows me to meet and get to know a lot of people. the problem is, while I'm great at making friends or even hooking up with people, I 100% fail creating relationships.

    I've been doing the opposite of forcing that stuff... if it's not there I completely avoid the situation all together. like was mentioned before - I have this ideal in my head and until I come across somebody that fits it I'm just going to be some forlorn soul. it's not possible for me to date somebody I'm not attracted to, or I'm ecstatic to be around. can't do it.
     
  7. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    It does suck a little, specially when most of your friends are either married/engaged or in serious relationships! But as a newly single I want to use this opportunity for a while and travel around and have fun. The only scary part is thinking that you can never find someone to love and be loved by again:noes:
     
  8. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    there is half your problem right there. thats the dumbest thing I ever heard to worry about. How about you give people a fair shot and see if there is anything interesting about them before you think about how you will probably become disinterested in the future. People don't just put it all out there for every new person they meet. Here is an important piece of advice: if everyone you meet seems boring, it is likely that you don't know shit about the people you meet. Either you are too self centered to pay attention, or you do not have the compassion and empathy needed for them to feel comfortable sharing anything beyond the superficial. Most people are interesting. Most people have a story and are good at something and have some value. If you never see any of that you should be asking yourself why you don't see it, not why it's not there. Someone is going to try to misinterpret this, so ill try to be clear from the start: its hard finding someone thats compatible with yourself, im not saying it isnt. Im saying if that you try to find out if someone is compatible and all the give you is superficial boring fluff, then you really have no idea if you are compatible because they never really opened up.

    Why do you think something about your personality might be offputting? do women not want to be around you? do women not trust you? do women like you but not "like that"? Do women want to date you often?

    Dating someone you aren't into is bad. Expecting to be into someone like a couple thats already deeply in love is unrealistic. There is a period of FALLING in love that may start off a little slowly. As long as the feelings are building, then you are getting there.

    You danced around the problem. Spit it out. We all know your an outgoing guy with friends and a life soooo...

    Do you find any women you know physically attractive? Do you find any women you know attractive on a personality level? Ever find both in one girl? Did she like you? What exactly is the showstopper?

    Being single is fucking awesome. I just actually gave up a wonderful girl that loved me because I'm just not ready to settle down right now. Its too much fun doing what you want when you want with no bad attitudes, crazy ass drama, or consequences at all. A relationship can be a lot of responsibility, and a relationship thats 98% perfect and 2% royally fucked up can be hell and incredibly hard to walk away from. I LOVE leaving my house on friday night and knowing that for the next 48 hours anything could happen. Unimagineably crazy stuff does. When I had a GF everything was so "safe". there was no rush of wonder at endless possibilities. No motivation to push the limits.

    I love being single, awesome, and in nyc.

    That being said, I miss the girl that used to love me. Its a novel experience for me. Being able to compare and contrast being single and having no girl that really gives a shit about you to being single, doing whatever you want and having a girl that loves you, yet causes you 0 headaches, really makes it easy to see the value of it. Obviously this is the best situation in the world in my opinion, but its kind of unfair in some situations and hard to come by in any event.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2009
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I'm having a blast being single.

    The only time I don't enjoy it is at night at bed time. Most other situations it's really freeing to just be able to come and go as I please.
     
  10. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    It's up and down for me.
    Sometimes like Viper said, it's a blast. But it gets REAL annoying when friends in relationships/married tell me that they would LOVE to be single again.
    Sure, it's great to be able to do what you want whenever you want, and not have to check in with anyone and what not BUT it also sucks to come home to nobody, or not have someone else care for you (in more than a friends and family way).
    It also sucks having to go out and meet new girls and then ask them out on dates and spend money and end up dissapointed. This is what I dislike the most about being single. I'm over the whole 'bang any vag that moves' part in my life and just want to settle and be happy.
    I would rather deal with boredom in a relationship than with small instances of realizing the loneliness around on random nights.
    And I agree with Giz, on how it sucks major when the littlest things remind you of that girl or that time with that one girl and it just drains you and wears you down.
    I think I am also quite picky.....but the few times I decided to compromise on what I really want, I ended up getting hurt because it eventually came down to those few traits that I purposely was picky on. Sadly, this happened with the last girl I was with......I didn't think much of her because of one of my redflags, but after knowing her a bit, turns out she's pretty much everything I wanted except that red flag. Unfortunately, that red flag in the end ended it all. I just realized I could never really have a long lasting relationship with that.

    All in all, it comes and goes for me.......I'm glad I have a huge group of friends that I can go out with or just chill with and have a great time enjoying life. That to me is my only saving grace. If I didn't have my friends, I would probably be less happy being single.
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2009
  11. PcH

    PcH Guest

    23 here. Been in only two serious relationships in my life. Before my first relationship I really felt this (and a little bit right now). I saw couples and was really envious of having that person to love and having the love back.

    You really gotta be happy with yourself, which is definitely something I am still learning. You'll know when you find that person you're not only physically attracted to, but have that connection with. Don't worry about it (even though I do at times :o)

    Oh and being single definitely has it's own perks.
     
  12. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    Too many people I know around me getting married recently don't help either :squint:
     
  13. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    The thing with me is I know I want a wife and kids some day. But I'm just afraid that I won't find that person until it's too late or even at all. I know people are having kids later and later in life, but I don't want to be having kids into my 40's :sad2:
    My aunt tried to set me up with a girl at my cousin's wedding. She was hot and all but it was a combination of things like me being caught off guard, wanting to spend time with relatives I haven't seen in FOREVER (they live in IL while I live in FL), and there was a cousin there that I hardly even knew because of a nasty divorce, and I was getting to know her and her new husband. I felt kind of bad because I gave some terrible excuse on how I had to go do something. Maybe I'll stop by that area on a road trip in the next year and see if she can hang out then. Much better when it's a more natural setting as opposed to "hey, let me introduce you to so and so, want to dance?".
    The thing is I don't think you fail at creating relationships. You just can't create real relationships. Most people just force them. What you're doing is right, waiting for the right person. Too many people take the "relationships take work" motto too far and try to work out shit that they really can't make it through.
     
  14. ZACKMORRIS

    ZACKMORRIS Active Member

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    While I read TS's post, I thought to myself "Damn, did I write this? It sounds way too familiar."

    It sucks man. Some people want to be single, others want to be in relationships, and some are just happy to be whatever they are. Being in the single category, I'm kind of tired of the same old stuff. It gets rough around this time of the year too because the weather starts to get real nice and it just makes you want to spend time with that someone. That, and the holidays.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    hey giz, have you ever dated a girl that you honestly weren't very attracted to at first?
     
  16. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    I think everyone wants to be in a GOOD relationship. For most it's just flip flopping between single and bad relationship. They just don't realize the bad part until a month or more into it :sad2:
     
  17. kopetzki

    kopetzki Banned

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    fucking thing sucks :wtc:
     
  18. Toroweedeater99

    Toroweedeater99 Registered E-thug

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    that's why family is family. Yeah it's not the exact same but the love is still there. It will help you through the low points and make the relationships around you even stronger.
     
  19. F8Lstang

    F8Lstang in savasana

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    I rely on the fact that the more you look for something, the harder it is to find. And doing bikram yoga, quality women there ;)
     
  20. giz

    giz Active Member

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    thanks for your reply antihero, I'll try to break it down.

    I agree most people are interesting and have amazing stories. I should clarify and say I lose romantic interest.

    however I feel like you made a fucking fantastic point and it really hits home. I do have a hard time getting past the superficial. it's something I've tried to work on but I tend to forget. after watching a lot of Louis Theroux's documentaries I feel like I was able to ask questions that taught me more about how people thought and why they did certain things. I need to get back to that.

    I like to make people laugh. It makes me feel good. I think initially people have a hard time taking me seriously, but a lot it has to do with the situation in which we met. once I get to know people, I settle down and it's not uncommon for them to say "I had no idea you could be this sensitive/understanding/etc" I'm a very caring person but I'm not open in that way to everybody.

    I think the years of chick flicks have warped my thinking on this. I feel like I should be 100% into somebody when I first meet them, otherwise we're not relationship material. I probably sound like an idiot... it's hard to change how you think of some things.

    my problem is I'm single, I not happy about it, and I'm not entirely sure I understand why or how I can change this. I miss the comraderie and companionship of a relationship.

    yes, I know women I find physically attractive. yes, there are women whose personalities I find absolutely delightful. that number is smaller, but it's hard for me to associate with women I don't find attractive so most fit both categories. have any of them liked me? yes. and of course I like them on some level, but not on THAT level. that's the showstopper - there is this emotion that I can't really describe that I had with my ex but I've never had with anybody else.

    I can't imagine walking away from something that was 98% perfect and 2% shitty. I guess I'd have to, but I'd have a hard time doing it. I think that makes you a strong person and I find it admirable.

    my one relationship was short. it was taxing at times but I never really exited the honeymoon phase. we never really fought or argued. being with her, my outlook changed entirely. "what makes me happy?" turned into "what makes her happy?" I got a lot of enjoyment and fulfillment out of her happiness. I wanted to be the best boyfriend possible and I feel like I did a good job.

    I live a fucking crazy life at times. if I was in a relationship, I probably probably half of my adventures would never happen. it's hard for me to say if I'd miss that or not.
     
  21. outlaws

    outlaws C.R.E.A.M.

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    the longest relationship i've been in was about 3 months and i'm 24. my life is over compared to you.
     
  22. giz

    giz Active Member

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    before my first relationship, I was 100% fine with being single. in fact, I was very anti-relationship. then I met a girl and the rest is history :hs:

    I like to think I am happy with where I am. of course there are always areas in which I'd like to improve, but I'm in no position to complain about my life - I like where I am.

    hmm. I'm going to have to dwell on this for awhile. I both agree and disagree with this.

    werd, I think there are a lot of people in this situation.

    funny you should mention the time of year... I've been thinking about it a lot. it's these months (september-december) last year that I was with my ex. we did a lot of seasonal things together and it sucks to see them come around again. my family went to the halloween ballet last night and I decided not to go because I took her last year and I knew it wouldn't be the same.

    yeah I've dated people I wasn't really sure about initially, but never longer than a few weeks.

    this summer there was a girl who caught my attention because she has the most amazing singing voice I've ever heard. it's magical. she' can be very pretty but she's not really my type. she was super into me, but a few weeks into it I knew it just wasn't going to happen for me. she asked the "what are we?" question and I told her I've dated somebody I really felt for and that while I thought she was an awesome person, that same feeling wasn't there. I think I broke her heart, but we're still pretty good friends today. I gave it a shot :hs:
     
  23. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

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    I didn't have too much of a problem being single for the first couple of years. I was free to do whatever I wanted, I didn't spend much money on things, got all my debt paid off.

    Lately though, it's been killing me. I think a major catalyst was when I first saw my niece. She was born in Germany because that's where my brother was stationed. It took me a year before I could get to go see her, and I loved her. But it also feels like life rubbing in my face what it knows I want and can't have.

    I feel like I've accomplished every attainable goal in my life except finding someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
     
  24. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    the problem is you're too picky
     
  25. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I'm not a fan of being single myself. There is just something special you gain from having the kind of connection you have with a romantic partner. You can't get that anywhere else. I miss that deeply whenever I'm single.

    That said, I don't think being single sucks. Is it lonely? Yes. Is it how I want to spend my life? No. Does it suck? Not really. There is always someone willing to be in a relationship with you if that's all you want. If you're choosing to be single though, obviously you realize that being in the wrong relationship is worse than being single. Therefore being single can be a good thing relatively speaking.
     

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