SRS Being Pressured about kids..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ChosenTestament, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. ChosenTestament

    ChosenTestament New Member

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    I've been dating this girl for three years now and recently she has been diagnosed with PSOC. Now ever since the start of this relationship she knew that I wouldn't even consider kids until later in my 20's (I'm 22) or when I'm done with school.

    Recently she has been really bugging me and begging me about having a kid asap. It's really stressing me out because I do not want kids right now especially since I don't have a job and I'm in school. She even said that I was "getting old" and should start thinking about it. I tell her that I don't have a particular plan right now but most likely before I'm 30 but she wants to know a specific age. What should I do? Leave her?
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Tell her exactly how you feel and why and leave it up to her if she wants to stay with you.
     
  3. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I know exactly how she feels. I too have PCOS and some females with this condition who want kids need to have them in their early-mid 20's because down the road, they may never be able to have kids due to the scarring of the ovaries and other hormonal imbalances.

    You do need to tell her how you feel. Talk to doctor in all sincerity...he can examine her and run some test to let her know how severe her PCOS is. I know that my doctor said that it's most likely that I'll be unable to have children after the age of 30...I'm 21 now, and I've even thought about having kids at this age.

    If you feel like you need to leave her, then tell her how you feel
     
  4. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Well, I for one also hope she's talking marriage if she wants to have kids with you.
     
  5. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Seems like you've already made up your mind sir.

    You don't leave her.

    You tell her how you feel. Be flexable if you really love her, however I am not sensing a terribly strong connection.

    She will probally leave you to have a child, which is sad because there are plenty of children out there to be adopted.
     
  6. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    .
     
  7. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    /Discussion
     
  8. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    Unfortunately, a lot of women out there feel the need to have a child of their DNA and the kids who are up for adoption suffer.

    IMHO, if one wants a kid, it doesn't matter whether one gave birth to said kid or not. If you are capable of loving that child, it shouldn't matter if you gave birth to it or not.
     
  9. Hate Crime

    Hate Crime Don't Hate OT Supporter

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    That is the whole problem though. Most people don't love children that aren't their own.
     
  10. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    It's not unfortunate that women don't want those children who are up for adoption; it's unfortunate that people have children and put them up for adoption or those children are in that situation

    wanting a biological child is natural and quite the norm. then again, not everyone can afford to adopt a child either...adopting isn't cheap and it's a long strenous process sometimes
     
  11. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    speak for yourself, I want to pass on my DNA, not just raise some orphan child.

    Once I have a few children with my DNA, then I'd be willing to consider adoption if we still felt a need for more kids
     
  12. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    with regards to this:

    she wants kids now, you dont. The two of you need to have a long, honest talk. Kids is a very important issue, and, if it cant be reconciled, then the two of you need to part ways, because she needs to find a man she can have children with, and you need to find a woman who wants to wait a while before she even considers kids.

    Neither of you are in the wrong here.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You're not getting old. She is.
    If anything, you are exactly on the right track. 22 is YOUNG.

    FINISH SCHOOL. Secure your career. Then you can think about kids, after you establish yourself. You'll need to do that anyways to provide a good home and good opportunities for your kids.

    Right now, being selfish and protecting your future is the BEST DAMN THING you can do for your future kids.

    Might want to have those kids with different girl too, but that's not a given. The only thing that IS a given is to hold true to your course.

    You don't have to leave her, but you do need to trust your instincts on this one (because you are CORRECT) and you need to explain it to her.


    Her choice if she stays or goes.

    If she stays, she follows the timetable that you intuitively know is correct.
    If she goes...so much the better.

    good luck
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: People are so selfish when it comes to kids. Who cares whose DNA the kid comes from? It's not like their DNA is so much better than other peoples.
     
  15. ChosenTestament

    ChosenTestament New Member

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    Well, just to update we talked about it and she decided that she would like to find another guy who's interested in having kids now or possibly going to a sperm bank. She was upset that I wouldn't give her a child sooner (within 2 years) and felt that our relationship was a waste. We did have a good connection with each other but as soon as she was diagnosed with PCOS she started changing drastically. I'm just going to have to find another girl who's willing to wait, thanks for the advice guys.
     
  16. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    My current girlfriend has an autistic brother.

    This means if we have a child, it has a 50% chance of being Autistic.

    I am a Gnostic, which means I never ejaculate, it is against my beliefs, which means even though I can impregnate a woman, I guess it's harder.

    I really wish if me and this girl get married, that she would choose adoption. She has mentioned that when she wants to have kids it would be at like age 30. She runs a huge risk of bringing an autistic child into the world.

    I am all for adoption. I really do not want children, unless it is meant to be, and occurs.
     
  17. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Sorry to hear it but <fill in a bunch of "be happy you found out now" stuff>.
     
  18. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Can you explain this?
     
  19. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Certainly. This should do.

    http://www.gnosticteachings.org/content/view/114/59/

    Exerpt:

     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2007
  20. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    ok, but this?
     
  21. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Sure.

     
  22. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    thanks
     
  23. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    yes, actually some people's DNA are much better than other people's

    you can adopt a child, but when they're a few months old or a year old, you find out they have some form of mental disability that was given to them from their biological parent(s)...or you find out that the baby has FES

    I know that not everyone bargains for that and it's unexpected and unfortunate...but that's a good reason why so many people want biological children, because of the good DNA

    my friend adopted a child from china...comes to find out at the age of 2 she found out her daughter was autistic...and i hate to be blunt, but it's as if this child has ruined her life.
     
  24. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    If she had her own child and she was autistic would it have "ruined her life"?
     
  25. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    yes

    i'm sure if she found out she were pregnant with an autistic child, she would have aborted; actually she has said it to me before
     

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