SRS Being Passive is very depressive.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CreditMVP, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. CreditMVP

    CreditMVP Dr. Johnny Fever

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    i am a very passive person. i sometimes feel like im a loser for being so. i guess people just walk all over me and i let them. and its very awkward for me to stop being passive. it also prevents me from living my dream. i want to be my own boss, or have my own business, but if i am too passive, how can i ever succeed at that?

    how do i overcome this horrible personality trait? i dont want to be like that anymore. i tried changing but the responses i got from my social network was pretty negative enough for me to give up all hope and just go back to being my old self again.
     
  2. Ridonkulous1

    Ridonkulous1 New Member

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    do you think you're a passive person because you lack confidence? I used to lack a lot of confidence and I had a hard time keeping friends, being social, or pursuing girls.

    Once I had made an effort to improve myself, I gained a lot of that lacking confidence and I was able to be much more aggressive in almost every way. Hope that helps.
     
  3. CreditMVP

    CreditMVP Dr. Johnny Fever

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    hey thanks for replying.

    I do have a little bit of a problem with confidence but i have been noticing it getting better and better as the years go by. as far as shyness, i do have a very very hard time looking at people in the eyes when having a conversation. its something that irks me, regardless if its talking with a man, or a woman. as far as significant other, i have been married for 2 years very happy so far so problems with the opposite sex are not a problem for me :hsd:

    im mainly concerned with my passiveness when i deal with strangers or people i am not really familiar with such as at my job. i feel like i need to be extra nice to people and in return for being so nice i get taken advantage of even more so, i end up doing more favors and devote more of my time to make these people like me, yet i clearly notice they are just using me because they feel out my passive nature. (these people are sales people, so its natural to them to feel me out that way) i dont want to flip out on them or just put my foot down because they do act nice towards me in some way or another, and i feel like i would upset them very much so and it will plague my mind constantly knowing that i've done something that upset them even if they deserved to be.

    also another thing: i panic when i make people wait on me. its all new for me to be a manager and hopefully with more experience this will go away but i feel like as if i am not an important enough person for people to obey? does that make sense?
     
  4. Ridonkulous1

    Ridonkulous1 New Member

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    I've always been somewhat of a people pleaser, which sometimes allows people to walk all over me. I don't think I've become less of a people pleaser (I get it from my parents and it's damn hard to get rid of) but I've become much more confident. It's definitely an issue of self worth. I started to value myself and think that maybe I wasn't so worthless. When I did that, people gravitated towards me and I didn't have to go out of my way to make sure that they liked me.

    I suppose my advice is: get some more self-confidence. Your concern that you're not important enough for people to obey you clearly shows that that's what you need the most. Gaining confidence is different for everybody though. Take some chances in the workplace, forget about how people think about you, walk upright and confidently, try breaking out of any routines you have. See what works for you and hopefully you can build up some of that confidence.
     
  5. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Get this book: No More Mr. Nice Guy

    It talks about how to stop seeking approval of others. Good read.
     
  6. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    DAWT.
     
  7. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Sounds like you need to start caring about something. If you did, you'd actively work towards it, and you'd defend yourself against people who try to stop you from getting it. Eventually that behavior would spread throughout your life.
     
  8. NiggaPHX420

    NiggaPHX420 OT Supporter

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    I might know where to get the E-book, if anyone needs it :hsugh:
     
  9. StayLRG

    StayLRG New Member

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    pm sent
     
  10. CreditMVP

    CreditMVP Dr. Johnny Fever

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    did i also mention i have ADD? :rofl: no but seriously is this book like 300 pages? i dont think u can talk about something like that for more than 300 pages :hsugh:

    is it this book:

    http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Ni...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196823993&sr=1-1

    there are a lot of books on amazon titled "No more mr nice guy" just want to make sure im picking up the right book. seems like its the one. all this time i've been picking up how to be a great communicator books but i realized i know all the aspects of that before hand something else was wrong with my social awkwardness, i hope this book helps :)
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    You're right, 300 pages is excessive. That's why I gave you the short version.

    Come up with something you care about, work towards it, and beat the hell out of anyone who tries to stop you. For the sake of practice, try to avoid illegal stuff.
     
  12. NiggaPHX420

    NiggaPHX420 OT Supporter

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    NMMNG is like 130 pages :hsugh:
     
  13. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Whatever, my version is still shorter.
     
  14. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I don't see 300 pages anywhere. I have that book and it's only 174 pages. The book does focus on one topic but it covers a lot of ground as far as being a nice guy and doesn't get what you want in love, life, sex. Your love life may be fine now but down the road if you're not taking charge you may lose your wife. It's a good book to start help you focusing on what you want rather than what people want. You wo'nt change overnight but it'll help you recognize your problems.
     
  15. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    The book is not that long. Once you get into the material, you get more interested to the point you don't pay attention to page numbers anymore.
     
  16. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Yes, that's the book. It's 177 pages and once you get into it you can probably read it in a day. The font is pretty damn big on the pages so it's not a lot of text.

    I haven't read the "short version" of this book so I don't know what parts it's missing but the full version is definitely worth the $11.
     
  17. Barky

    Barky woof

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    you ever tried excersising and working out to build confidence? Shaping your body and seeing results has helped me in my confidence.
     

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