SRS Being more aggressive?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fallenauthority, Feb 19, 2008.

  1. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

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    Ok so the girl has been acting kinda different lately, almost put-off it seems, so i was talking to my friend kevin who is dating her best friend and he was like dude you need to be more aggressive with her, she told ashley(his gf) that you dont initiate much.
    Ok, so i am the easy going, let whatever happens happen kinda person. When she calls me i just let her talk about whatever, i dont really start my own subjects, whenever we are out i just let her talk and friends bring up subjects to which i will interject occasionally. Thing is, Im not much of a center of attention kinda guy anymore, i used to be real outgoing and such but have settled down and just have a whole "i dont care" attitude, but right now she is apparently getting bored with how ive been lately.
    Any ways of kinda spicing this up? Getting myself back into the swing of just being out there, and random and fun to be with? I dont want to lose this girl because ive become complacent.
     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Are you happy with who you are and just unhappy that this girl doesn't like that?
     
  3. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

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    Truthfully i didnt realize that i kinda retreat into a shell when im out with people until this situation came up, and now that it has come up, i can look back and realize that i really have gone backwards with my people skills. I honestly would like to go back to how i was and be outgoing and fun to be around again.
     
  4. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    Why change for her? Be yourself, if she doesn't like it there is probably one that will.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like a common case of you two just aren't right for one another. She wants an aggressive outgoing guy who basically probably pushes her around and speaks his mind. Either you're that guy or you aren't. I'm worried you will do anything to keep this girl, even if the chemistry is just not there because she is your first girlfriend, first lay, etc. I hope that's not the case.

    I mean obviously no one likes the guy that just sits back and never talks because he comes off boring, so I'd say try to be a little more outgoing- otherwise you come off as a sap. But if you're just being yourself and she wants more then forget it. You're 19, there are plenty of other women for you to start fresh with. You've already had a lot of drama for talking to one another under a month.
     
  6. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Thank you, I was feeling lazy.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Understandable. You give the best most precise advice in every other thread, it was only fair you take a break.
     
  8. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    DOT!

    I wonder if she is questioning whether or not you really care about her. I mean, you don't initiate conversation, you hardly join the conversation, and your not initiating anything else- If I were her I'd assume you weren't interested in me anymore and move on...

    Like Beer said though, if this new ultra-relaxed-whatever-kinda guy is the real you, than break it off now. If you can't give each other what you need than there's no reason to continue. Chalk it up as a learning experience and move on :cool:
     
  9. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

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    Ive known her for two years. This isnt some new thing lol. I dont want to be this boring, initiate nothing kinda guy, i dont want to change JUST FOR her, i want to change though. I dont want to be who I am now, i guess getting out of highschool and being out there and working all the time is taking its toll on my personal life now. I want to go back to how I was in highschool.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    But how long have you been dating? People don't seem to realize that the second you turn into an actual relationship that you see the person for truly what they are. This is why I can't help but laugh at those who say they've been in love with someone for years of whatever, because if they actually were with that person they'd finally see the real them and might be shocked.

    In your case this girl could be thinking for the very first time "WTF, I thought this guy was outgoing and cool?" Not that you aren't, but she could be seeing that you are laid back and that's not what she wants. I thought earlier you said you had changed and were happy with the way you are? Now you want to change, but not just for her? Yeah right :hsugh:
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2008
  11. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    If you wish to become active socially then there are a lot of things you can do. Don't try to force a square peg into a round hole though.

    Get involved with your community, with local clubs, with sporting events (Local sports clubs), join the Gym, read books on social interaction. There are websites like Social Dynamics, or The Mystery Method which improve social capacity.

    You have a lot of resources. Stick to activities you personally enjoy doing though that involve social activity.

    I made a list for someone in another thread of activities they can do to get involved with other people:
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I went through this as well. It's from having a real life outside of a social life. That's not so bad unless you desperately want to change. It should start with your gf. Be more talkative about your own life instead of just listening to hers. It may be comforting for you to let the other person talk and not have to carry the conversation, but it's a huge burden on the other person. And by you not offering much about your own life, it'll make her stop caring and stop asking about you. The last thing you'd want is to push her into becoming more and more self centered. Have your own opinions on everything, even if it creates a bit of conflict with her. Always be the first to suggest a place to go, eat, or movie to see. Don't let her be the one to make all of the decisions. Just because it's her choice doesn't mean that it's the right one or the one she will ultimately enjoy the most. If you continue to be weak and lazy with your gf you'll be the same way when you are with her around your friends.
     
  13. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    So if she wasn't in your life, you'd still be seeking to change this part of your personality. Is that right?
     
  14. fallenauthority

    fallenauthority OT Supporter

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    THIS is what I was looking for, thank you.

    iwishyouwerebeer - I never said I was happy with the way I am, i just never realized that i have in the past several months, become a person to let the world go by rather than jump in and stir shit up so to speak. That makes me want to get back into action in life and be outgoing again and make new friends and have good convos with people.

    Lucky Penny - If she wasnt in my life and it was pointed out to me by someone else that I had become rather complacent with life, then yes I would, it just so happens that she is the one that has made me realize that I have become as complacent as I am.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Eww, I can't stand "that guy." Being able to have stimulating conversations with people is one thing...being an outgoing douche to a point is another.
     

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