SRS been depressed lately v. down down down spiralling

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Cobra Commander, Mar 19, 2006.

  1. lately i just haven't really cared about anything. i'm losing my motivation for the gym and even women. i just want to give up. suicide def. isn't the answer but i want to move out of this shithole i currently live in. i go to a community college but regret having gone to a state school... my job prohibits me basically to have weekends off or enjoy they since i only work on weekends and i go to school during the week...

    i'm taking my emt class this summer in hopes to work for an ambulance company but i reallly really want to move. i'm just sick of this place and it doesn't have anything to offer for me...

    tonight i hung out with some friends at a coffee shop some of which still live and go to school here with me but most were back from college and let me tell you they've def. changed.. and not for the better.

    it sucks because i used to be cool with these people but now all they talk about is parties and how fucked up they got this one time.. and its sad because i used to be cool/close with all those guys. now tonight i felt akward and when i tried to talk to one of them they just sort of ignored me and talked to the other "big shots" because they had other frat stories or what have you. i've found that i only have a select few of true friends and it really kind of sucks.

    i still live with my mom though and that helps because i can save my money and i def. don't want to live somewhere else in this shithole because i think that would make me not want to move as much.. the constant reminder of my mom nagging me to do certain things def. gets me motivated to move but since i want to be a firefighter i want to stay here and establish that first but at the same time i so do not want to live or be here...

    i don't really know what else makes me happy besides getting out of here.. for instance i went to visit my bro not too long ago a few hours away and i had so much fun and enjoyed myself but when i was driving back i just got depressed again and once i was home i was angry and pissed off.

    i don't know what i can do to make myself happy though.. even the girls i used to talk to i've fucked myself out of and can't even get a booty call.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Well if becoming a firefighter is part of your dream, i advice you to keep on training in the gym, as it will help you save the ladies from the fires more quickly and adequate. You know the way you are trying to become a firefighter is actually rather akward, here where i live a great deal of the firefighters are volenteers brave enough to risk their lives for us whenever a fire breaks out.

    You know the best thing you could do is just step towards a (chief) firefighter and say you want to join the fire department on volentary/full time basis. And ask if there's anything you could do, well the chief probably is going to bring up a whole story of requirements, what you simply have to say then is, that you work out in the gym every day, and that you like to work as a team to serve the community.

    Basically you 'turn' you whole life story opposite. You quit school, you become a firefighter, and you do school courses firefighting while your full time at the firedepartment, although you will ALWAYS be on call for if a fire breaks out. You'll have more days for yourself and free time as long as an emergency doesn't break out.

    Ive seen firefighters in Phoenix ,they absolutely love their job and wouldn't want to do anything else in the world.

    Your whole problem is that 'your in the wrong place' so next time don't walk towards school, walk to your local firedepartment and get to know your collegue's of the future.

    Persistance is the key here. If you constantly come there, and show your motivation, or just ask if you could come along to see what its like, then before you know it they'll get irrated with you and demand that you help out. If you just volentary drag the hoses and show what you are worth in a team, then you can display your value as a firefighter.

    Honestly do you think you can fight a fire with a book in your hand? So just go there give a radical change to your life and show them what your worth.
     
  3. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    hey from F&N.

    I feel you bro, although I ain' in college yet (heading next year), my senior year ain't exactly the best either. My relationship with my friends have been going down the drain, and I recently just had a talk with one of them. They don't call me up anymore and they just do whatever without me. At first, I tried not to let it bother me, but it's hard knowing that everyone else is doing something and I'm just sitting at home reading these forums.

    Also, recently I read an article about knowing when to end friendships (yes men's health has some good articles). it was a wake up call i guess, since it talked about how friendships that dont go anywhere should be a sign for you to maybe end it. sometimes being a friend means knowing when to end it, as they said. I agree with DarkEternal; your future colleagues will become your true friends. At each stage in life, we make new friends to help us reach the next stage. Our interests and similarities change as we grow up, and it's all to help us discover who we really are and who we are really compatible with. I've been thinking about my life too in that way, and that is why I've been waiting for college to come for so long.

    On another note, I can also relate to you since I have an older brother as well. I've always been close to him, and to be honest, I think he is my best friend. Whether he feels the same way I dunno haha but we are really close nevertheless. Anyway, whenever he comes back for break, my life feels like it's back to normal. I feel like I have someone to talk to openly and just hang around and laugh with. When he goes back, I become lonely and depressed again. My problems with my father prevent me from talking to him about anything, so I feel like I'm in an bubble. He recently got remarried and his wife is really cool to talk to, but I still don't find happiness.

    So my life recapped in a nutshell: My relationships with pretty much everyone has gone down significantly. I've become more and more isolated over the years and depressed. I strive to be thankful for what I have and everything that's been good in my life, but I'm still battling the negative thoughts.

    Where's the good in all of this? Right now, I train hard at the gym, lifting, running, rowing, swimming, the works. I have a desire to become strong, both physically and mentally. I'm sure you do too because you go to F&N haha. Let it be your motivation; have the desire to improve yourself and discover who you really are. Don't improve yourself for the sake of others either, do it to discover what you're made of.

    I hope you find comfort in what I said. Don't worry about being noticed, you're a good person and whoever doesn't see it doesn't deserve to be your friend. Good luck with your job and all. Peace.
     
  4. Hey bro the same shit happened to me about my Junior year in HS. It sucked but then I started getting into weightlifting and being unique and they all somehow began wanting to hang out with me again. Then most of them wanted to get into the lifting thing too.. So I guess the more unique you are apart from your friends, the more they want to hang out with you.

    I can only count about 3 real true friends right now, which is sad because prior to graduation I thought I had well over 10 TRUE friends... Half moved away, and the other half became fucked up druggies with no motivation or direction in life. I was more depressed the other day than I am now, but I know that I still live in this shitbox world so it will truly be a neverending cycle.

    I totally agree with you on the older brother part. When I was growing up he'd used to give me shit all the time but now he is probably one of the only people that understands me and I'm glad I can go to him if I have some problems and have him help me out. I feel truly blessed to have him. Somehow I think we are very alike because my parents were divorced a few years ago so I don't talk to my dad that much either since I live with my mom. A part of me wants to move out somewhere else sometimes but I'm glad I live with her and I don't think I would want to move somewhere else because I like the fact that my mom pisses me off sometimes so I'm not gonna get used to living here forever.

    You seem like a pretty sharp guy.. you live in Cupertino I see.. if you ever come up to Stockton I'll get you in with a free gym guest pass and we'll lift some. Take it easy man.. keep the negative thoughts out and I will try too. The world is shitty but we have to make the best of it whether it be lifting a shitload of weight and feeling like you are on top of the game or just having the perfect physique that you've always strived to get. Well that's how I try to keep the negatives out.
     
  5. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    I'm glad we have things in common, easier to understand each other.
    Really, right now I'm close to only 1 or 2 of my friends. The others I hang out with at school have been drifting away, and it's hard cause I know so many people. I thought I had many friends, but now they just seem like acquiantances. It is true I have been more 'unique' or different from my friends over the recent years. They still stick together doing the same things, some are into gaming, some into racing and whatnot. I'm like the middleman who doesn't do much at all.

    Just continue to strive for the best, and that's all we really can do. I'm sure eventually we'll find the right crowd and be settled with who we are. Thanks for the invite maybe I'll pass by the area sometime.
     

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