Back ground About 2 years (age 23 at the time) I got my first panic attack at work as some of you prolly have gone trhough this. I thought for sure I was having a heart attack, heart beating hard and fast, chest tight, extremidies going numbs, loss of thought. After going to the hospital and the doctor running an EKG and alot of blood tests he said, "Your fine but it looks like Vertigo". I went the next few days fine and dandy till I got another one then another then another and finally went to my Primary Care Doctor and she concluded it was in fact Panic Disorder maily with S.A.D. Seasonal Anxiety Disorder since I moved from Sunny San Diego to Eugene, OR...360 days of sunshine to about 50 days of sunshine a year. I went for about a year living in fear, having panic attacks that would last for weeks at a time and sometimes causing me to not want to leave the house or do anything I have having headaches daily and my sexual desire was gone...the ususal suspects. My doctor among others urged me to get on drugs before this turned into really bad Depression but I refused to take them since I have heard such mixed emotions about all the different pills. Some people raved about 'em, some people told me they just made them sleep and others said it was all plecibo effect. So with nothing solid to go on I just decided I would fix this shit my self. I was tired of living in fear all the time and tired of this desese taking over my life. Basicly I just simplified my life by facing my fears and trying to do all the things I wanted to do but never did. Now I did not go skydiving or run with the bulls or anything. I just wanted to do something that was rewarding and gave my life meaning. -I had a website for car guys here in my town with around 1,500 local members that took alot of my attention and was a big source for kid drama. I gave it to a friend and logged off and have not really check backed for months. -I was working on my 4th 85 Toyta Corolla project that was a huge source of stress, new motor, new paint, new everything. Basicly a full build to be my all out autocross car. I sold it -Broke up with my GF of 3 years. We were drifting apart already as she was 100 miles away at school and a few years younger. We were both in different places in our life and it was causing alot of stress. -Quit my job at the local Acura dealership because of all the BS workplace drama and I really did not want to sell parts or work on cars for the rest of my life. All of this came to me like a ton of bricks! I almost changed over night and now I was ready to be something I could be proud of. I went down to the local Community College and signed up. I have not been in school since HS 8 years ago. I took my placement test that day and past them all, applied for finacial aid, and talked to a academic advisior. Walking back to my car I felt so proud it was amazing. I had not felt that good in years..I was a student again. Then I needed a break...I had been working non-stop for 10 years since I was 16 with out a real break for more then a few weeks at a time not that alot of people have not. But with all this going on, I thought I would. I took the money from my Project Corolla and paid off a ton of bills. I made a list at the beginning of summer of this I wanted to do. Sign up for school Visit San Diego again and see an old GF who I still love Buy a Guitar and learn to play "Wish You Were Here" - Pink Floyd Learned to medetate Think positive...know karma Among others. I did almost everything on my list. So I had my summer and am now in school and loving every minute of it and also have started working part time at my friends shop helping him with whatever nights and some weekends and feeling great. I have not had a panic attack in months nor do I have the fear of death. I am not toatally convinced they are gone and I will prolly have my moments here and there, but for the most part I know i can deal with it and just knowing I will be ok is what keeps me sane. Thanks for listening... Nothing but sunshine.