FRK BDSM questions

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by pigeon, Oct 14, 2006.

  1. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    as i stated in another thread, i'm really new to teh freaky. i find it fascinating, but right now it's solely in a vicarious way.

    as an individual with a history of sexual abuse and rape, i find it hard to wrap my head around bdsm. pe's stories have got me thinking - i see that pe and tigre deeply love each other, yet there is a sexual aspect to their relationship i don't understand. not that i judge and think is disgusting, but i simply don't understand - probably because i've been mistreated sexually for many many years.

    i have so many questions about how it works, and i'm feeling a little shy to even post this in case i'm phrasing things wrong. i feel like a child who's experiencing pleasure in something she shouldn't, like when you're tought masturbation is wrong, but it's so goddamn fun.....:o

    so i'm going to toss this out there, see where it goes, and ask questions along the way. i used pe and tigre's names simply because i've read more stories about them than anyone else here. but please, any and all, share! :love:

    ps. let me know if i'm reposting something old or looking like an idiot for posing this question...:hs: :mamoru:
     
  2. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    no harm in asking.

    what's up?
     
  3. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    It exists in the entire relationship but is in the background a lot. I can't take myself so seriously that we're truly 24/7. :mamoru:
     
  4. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    i guess i'm just curious how it works. as i said, my past makes trust difficult for me, so sex overall is ridiculously difficult - even vanilla sex. i have a hard time imagining the level of trust it would take to let someone tie and gag you, etc.

    how do you get into it? like, how did you realize you are a dom? and pe a sub?
     
  5. Soybomb

    Soybomb New Member

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    I've topped a girl that had history of rape and honestly I found it alot harder than she seemed to. I was worried that she wanted to use bdsm as a form of therapy, with the symbolism of her ultimately being able to stop a seemingly helpless situation as the therapy. Ultimately she assured me it was about fun and sensation for her. That seems to have been mostly true. It certainly isn't unheard of for rape victims to have play rape fantasies and the like.

    Anyway you probably would need to play with someone you really trust and feel really comfortable with but as long as you're curious and enjoy experimenting don't overanalyze. :)
     
  6. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    i have a hard time with trust. with anyone. maybe that's my problem?
    :o
     
  7. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    It IS all about trust. I trust him with my life and breath. I could not play with anyone else like i play with Tigre. For you, having been violated, trust is a foundation you need to work on first for you to ever be really comfortable in ANY sexual situation. Once you establish trust and communication, the other stuff just works itself out.
     
  8. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    the how do you get into it part is different for everyone. Some people it's just inherent in who they are, other's it's an expression of their repressed selves. Some fall into it by chance and others seek it out in an effort to clarify the question they have dormant within. Some people find a vanilla lover they truly trust and build slowly to more and more new'freaky' things. Other's play casuallly till they find someone already in the scene that will match them emotionally and physically.

    For me, i've always had an interest in submiting to the will of another, to please and make another happy. it's pervasive in my entire personailty, but i'm still a very willful, self reliant person, i just apply my drive to making my Master happy. There is a dominant part of me and if need be i will take controll of a situation but i derive no real pleasure from the aspect of control. I derive my pleasure inteh dominant role from fulfilling the want of the sub in question: i'm giving them what they want and thus pleasing them on whatever level - that part is what makes me happy.

    Luckily, i learned really early what it was that i liked and wanted sexually & emotionally. I had the great opportunity to explore and talk about it with a friend who turned out to share my curiosity and just happens to be a wonderful guy. talk about the stars alligning for that, i was very fortunate because i know myself, and in my need to learn more and explore semi uninhibited, i'd probably be emotionally and/or physically scarred or dead by now had i not found the right person to play with.



    Basically, self exploration and truly finding yourself and your desires is what it comes down to. Who you are will dictate what role you play, and remember no role i concrete and black and white for everyone...
     
  9. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    :love:

    and yeah, what he said. HE wears the pants and I happily oblige :wiggle:
     
  10. Sophie

    Sophie New Member

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    I think you would just need to wait it out untill you are comfortable with everything and the person you are with.
     
  11. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    pe, everything you said is great, but this is the crux of it. i love what you said here, because it is sooo true. i often wonder if the fact that i am so fascinated by the whole idea now will lead to an actual practice of it later on:naughty:

    thanks for all that was said (by all who responded :kiss: ), i'm going to let it all stew in my brain now and come back later ;)
     
  12. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Although my boyfriend and I's relationship is not quite as intense and Pe's and Tigre's we enjoy a top/bottom, dom/sub type of relationship.

    We really let it flourish when we are together in bed. It rarely overflows into our daily lives because of the lives we have to live, which I believe would be alot different if we lived closer to each other or together.

    I love when he tells me what to do in bed. He knows exactly how to work me and know what my limits are even when I dont.

    But as PE said trust is a basis of everything for whats "freaky".

    Time is your friend.
     

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