SRS Battling severe loneliness

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JakobwithaK, Nov 7, 2005.

  1. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    I will try to keep this brief as possible or else it will bore you to death if I go on about my condition for the past 5yrs now. On and off throughout the past 5 years I have been battling severe loneliness. And I mean, areally bad mental state - have attended counselling many times throughout that time, but to no avail. In fact, counsellors have even given up on me. Maybe Im just too stupid. Maybe Im no good in life. Maybe I have nothing to live for.

    I lost my best friend 2yrs ago, and since then things haven't been the same. I miss him dearly, there is a place in my heart that is for long time friends - and with his departure its been empty ever since. Even when Im working, I cant seem to be myself. I am held back, I have no confidence, I feel worthless inside. I even tried going into fulltime college last year, and I didnt make one single friend. One that I would become good pals with off campus and hang out with etc. It was quite depressing to say the least. I felt so different from the rest. Right now, I feel like I dont deserve to have any friends, because I am so messed up in the head. When I go out, Im always alone. Always seen out in public alone, eating alone, walking alone, shopping alone, etc. I am such a loner - I am not going to deny that.

    It is tough. Especially with Christmas right around the corner, and not one single friend I could call up and chat or go for lunch with. I would die to have fun like that put back into my life. I would do anything to have my well being back. I have completely lost it. I used to be a very social person - never home on weekends because I was too busy partying it up with a group of great friends. Having fun, just living life to its fullest. But for the last 2yrs (since my best friend left), Im always home on the weekends. I feel so departed, so different and distant from reality - I just want to die. Honestly, deep down inside I am always crying, but I just dont show it from the outside. It is almost like Im living 2 different lifestyles. When Im at home, and when Im out. When Im out and I see people together, it really hits a sad spot in my heart. It depresses me when I feel I have no where to go, especially alone.

    I have gone out on the weekends maybe twice in the last year, and both times were with family for occasions - like birthdays etc. I dont go out on the weekends because its so depressing being out alone, that I just cannot do it anymore. If I stay at home, at least I have my online msn friends to chat with. Who, most I have never met - are just online friends. How sad is that eh? When the only people I talk to, outside of my family is online. :( I have tried the online dating, and such...frankly Im at the stage right now, I just dont have the motivation to do it anymore. Im sick of trying, and going nowhere. I just dont deserve to have any friends in my life. I just wish I could meet people to hang out with in real life, so that I dont feel so different and have to go about it in such a different way. Why is it so difficult? Is that too much for me to ask? A single friend? I seriously, believe that I just dont deserve to have any friends in life...and that I am going to be a loner for the rest of my life.

    I have been babbling on for too much, and this is depressing me, so I am going to end it here and go cry. Im just a really pathetic loser :(
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2005
  2. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I have been in a similar situation - hard to make new friends, lost my best friend a few years ago. Try to get into something like volunteering. Maybe a church, or a local charity, or something. It will keep your mind off it, let you feel good about how you've spent your time, and maybe you can get to know new people.
     
  3. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    Not in exactly the same position as you, and i think i am much younger than you as well, but i read your whole post and i'm in college right now and i have no friends at my school.. and i kno what you mean about eating alone, just walking around alone.. wishing you could just go to someones dorm (in your case, apartment, house,etc..) to just talk with and watch movies or w.e..

    i mean try myspace? I kno its a bit teenageish type crap, and i don't personally try it, but i honestly know friends whom have met tons of women and altho (from hs) all he cared about was getting some sex from them, i kno if this kid can get relationships out of some cute girls, i'm sure you can somehow make some friends maybe?

    -if not than idk if your into cars or have a car of your own, but join a specific car forum, and you can go to their local meets. I know clubrsx.com has meets like maybe once a month or something.. its a start i suppose?

    -if not yah, i guess try that online dating, or those meet local singles or what not and try meeting some girls that way? Worst case, hopefully you'll just be friends and what not and meet more ppl thru them..

    -again i'm not sure if your old enough, but maybe try bars? Bars, like lounges where people go to chil, and i know its a bit weird to but in.. but lets say if you see a person by themself, or maybe 2 ppl even (after 2 i think it gets too weird) but ask if you can join them for lunch.. and u kno.. try n build a relationship..

    i personally think tho that your problem is that your having a hard time giving your bff a place in your heart and moving on, or finding or being that close to someone again..

    idk this was a extremly long post, but i hope you read it and i hope at the very least it offers something to you.
     
  4. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

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    Right now, I have to focus on finding a new job, especially with Xmas quickly sneaking up. But even then, I know I wont make any friends out of it. I havent had a single friend for years, what makes me have faith in it now? Im so discouraged its not even funny.
     
  5. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Do some volunteer work, you will make some friends. However, if you come off as being self-focused and "needy" you will drive potential friends away.

    http://www.volunteermatch.org/
     
  6. komcaz51

    komcaz51 Holy Lurker!

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    i cried for a second after reading that because i relate through it too much

    rock bottom :sadwavey:
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You are the only one who determines wether you are a loser or not. Basically its this, people don't want to be with other people that bring misery into their lives. If you can bring love,light and laughter into the lives of other people, then they will enjoy their stay with you,those are the people who are popular because they bring fun. You don't have to worry about your face or looks ,but if you feel insecure you could do a make-over. And that's basically what your life needs a make-over, in the full realisation that life is not lived behind your computer, but life takes place outside.

    Choices create reality, the days are empty if you choose them to be. If you choose different then you would fill your life with those factors and those places where you would want to go. And make a change in your life, where you LOVE yourself, and others ,and do stuff for other people. As Dave said volenteer, you'd immediatly be amongst people, and get to have a chat. Take yourself to that place where you feel cozy and where people are.
     
  8. userlain

    userlain I use proper grammar on the internet.

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    Keep busy.
     
  9. bounty_hunter

    bounty_hunter New Member

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    It's too eerie how much we are alike.

    I lost a friend a month this week..I tried to go out 2 weeks after he passed away but I felt disconnected, I ended up just listening to my mp3 player.

    I am no longer really motivated, xmas is comming up and I don't really care, I haven't been out of my room for a while. I feel empty inside, it seems like there is no use at caring anymore...but then I listening to a certain song and all that self-loathing and emptiness goes away for those 4 minutes.

    volunteering is a good idea I suppose, maybe finding a job that's very people oriented will work.

    I'm speechless though...I really am.
     
  10. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :hs: I was the same way for about 3 years. Then I got on prozac, started going out to bars (alcohol is wonderful at lowering your inhibitions) and talking to people. Life still isn't peachy, but it's better than it was. :hs:
     
  11. Diesel Fumes

    Diesel Fumes Guest

    I see that the user has since been banned, but I will reply anyways.

    I would describe my situation as nearly identical to yours. Used to be social, had lots of friends, now im a pathetic loser with no friends who sits at home on a lot of weekdays alone on the computer with nothing else to do. I literally have nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to tomorrow when I wake up. But here is what I do..

    I exercise daily. This includes swimming, Pilates and weight training. I figure that if I'm proud of myself and the way I look, then I'm going to have more motivation to live a happy life with friends. In fact, through swimming I have already met a few aqcaintances. I admit, its hard to start making friends again, even in college, but you're in a new stage of your life now. One in which you have to start getting serious about your future and you have to realize that your past friends have moved on to fullfil their own dreams
     

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