SRS Bad vibe -> anger -> seeing therapist

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Let me preface this with the direction of my life. My goal is to gain and improve a certain social skillset that affects my attractiveness to women and even to men in a non-sexual way.

    Fact is, if I wake up in a bad state one morning. That's the way it is. All my interactions will be shit. My learning curve will be slow. And it might even be after a great day. Or I might be in a great state after a terrible day. All of which suggests, that no external factors determine what goes on inside: it's some chemical shit, and if I want to reach my goal then I sure as fuck can't just wait around for that one sunny day when the dopamine is firing a certain way.

    In response to this unfortunate reality, I have found the most useful internal dialogue to be something along the lines of...

    "Your emotions will often try to fuck you up. But you DO something anyway, and learn from it, even from failure."

    This is practical. I'm all about practical. But here's the thing that has been bothering me recently. It's what happens when, on that one strange day of the month, I'm in a fantastic mood: my learning curve goes NUTS. It's learning, on crack. I get more experience from a day when my inner state is calm and happy than from a week where it is upside-down.

    PRACTICALLY speaking, therefore, it behooves me IF POSSIBLE to maintain, constantly, some level of inner peace. I mean it would be GREAT if I could just ignore all that mood shit, partly because it would mean one less thing to deal with. Mostly because I find it very difficult to do anything about inner shit. (Getting good grades, making good money, being in shape, doesn't do it. Advice like, "Be the prize," "Be confident," "Be yourself," and even less bullshit advice, "Don't see threats in your environment?" Ha ha ha awesome shove it up your ass buddy ha ha fuck you guess again.)

    Here's an example of an experience where I don't learn anything because my state was fucked at the time.

    Failed? Sure. So what. What I care about is that I DIDN'T LEARN MUCH.

    Anger builds up. Then I end up wanting to say things to people like,
    "Can you look at me when I talk to you? I have a little temper problem." Which in fact I said to someone. Satisfying but not productive.

    I'm going to see a shrink tomorrow to see if my state can be improved via psychological means. Daddy loved you, Go meditate, whatever, I'll see what techniques they have.

    If not then not to worry, I'll just keep doing and learning anyways. But I don't want to be able to say that I didn't try to deal with the inner shit.
     
  2. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Make sure you get a cognitive-behavioral psychologist, not a psychodynamic, psychoanalytic or humanist one. It doesn't mean it will work, but I think you'd benefit more from these than the others.
    You seem to have tried to deal with this yourself which is a good thing, maybe you need a little hand to help you out in the process though.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I have a google doc that I just started where I record all of this shit in. I go out, I fuck up socially (I sounded like a retard talking to a bartender the other day... forget something hard like talking to a girl, I can't even talk coherently to a male bartender in another state who I'll never see again and have 0 consequences for fucking up with), I write about what happened, what I was thinking at the time, and what to do differently next time. Because I'm so OCD about this shit, hopefully next time I'll remember my comments and I won't fuck up as badly.

    Rather than continue this thread how I was going to and possibly hijack yours, I'm going to start a new thread later when I have more time to write.

    Anyway, I think you're a pretty smart guy, and you're probably already keeping a diary/log of all this stuff. But if not, you should try it. Google docs are free and you can access it from anywhere you have an internet connection.

    Let us know how the shrink thing works out.

    Cheers.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Falconer,

    Yes, I do write field reports. Until now I have been focusing my writing entirely on the tactical aspects of the interaction. Perhaps I will begin incorporating descriptions of my mental condition and thoughts.

    I'm glad to see someone else is taking the scientific approach. Stay in touch.
     

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