SRS Bad social skills...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bloodtype, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. bloodtype

    bloodtype New Member

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    Especially at parties. It's not something I like to admit and sadly, the anonymity that the internet offers is the only reason I'm able to disclose it now. I'm horrible at parties and socializing in general. I was always shy and still am, although I've gotten a little better over the years.

    During highschool I never went to parties and even now in my college years, if friends try to invite me to one, I'll make up some excuse so I don't have to go. I don't know why but when there are a bunch of people around I find it rather difficult to just mingle and start conversations. If you can imagine that one guy at the party that doesn't really know anybody and kind of just floats around, people staring until it's time to go......I'm him.

    I remember the last party I went to with my cousin, I tried to muster up enough courage to socialize and I did, well for the first hour or so of the party anyway and then everybody that I was talking to kind of just splintered away into their own little group of friends, and me not just wanting to tag along, kind of just stood around looking stupid the rest of the time. Embarassing....

    I guess I'm just venting but I have to learn to talk to people better you know?
     
  2. Chullore

    Chullore OT Supporter

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    Drinking/getting tipsy usually loosens up any inhibitions/shyness you might have
     
  3. lola83

    lola83 New Member

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    [you got to keep practising on not caring what people think and just go out there and be yourself. i always choose to think of the worst case scenarios, like whats the worst that can happen (no one talks to you at the party), and will you die from it? no! if theres people out there who dont want to know you, thats their loss cause they are obvious dicks. for every person who doesnt like you theres probably another around the corner who will think your a cool person. just keep trying, pushing yourself out there and you'll see that eventually being social will be more easier and you'll make a ton of new friends!
    good luck!
    xxx
     
  4. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Just keep going with friends that you trust until parties dont bother you anymore.
     
  5. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    You are going to have to make yourself uncomfortable until what you are doing doesn't make you uncomfortable anymore.

    Apply 'pick-up' techniques to meeting anyone... girls, guys, whatever. Try this:

    Make a list of 5 topics that you could talk about to a stranger:

    1. "So how about that local sports team?"
    2. "What are you taking in school? / Where do you work?"
    3. "I'm trying to think of a small gift for my mom (whoever)... any ideas?"
    4. " ... "
    5. " ... "

    Then go ask the same thing to everyone! Since you don't have to think of 'what will I say' it will seem much easier to just walk up to anyone and talk.

    What you will practice is vibing and calibration. IE: How does the situation FEEL. If it feels weird, keep going. If it feels REALLY weird, bail out. "Nice talking to ya... I'm going to go back to hang with my friends."
     
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    And thus are the makings of an alcoholic! Learning good social skills should never involve drinking as a principle part of the process. If you learn while drunk, you'll habitually need to be drunk to go into social situations. If you learn while sober, you can be sociable anywhere, anytime, while sober OR if you're a little buzzed.
     
  7. michaele36

    michaele36 New Member

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    I'm not a good partier either. No big deal as long as you have some friends.
     
  8. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    :werd:

    Many alcoholics, including myself, will tell you that a pregame buzz was necessary to achieve the social level of everyone else. I'm in recovery now and glad that I don't need it to be sociable. Plus, I can remember faces, names, conversations and I don't worry about getting a dui anymore.

    One more thing, I can STILL be an asshole without drinking. :bigthumb:
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

  10. Johnny Sack

    Johnny Sack Penis?

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    I used to be the same way. Not that it's great advice or anything, but I did ecstasy and most of my bad social skills went away after that.
     
  11. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Umm stay away from drugs. Parties aren't that great unless you're looking to get laid and/or shit faced. I say, just find some close friends, join a club and get some hobbies. You'll never come out of your shell unless youre 100% comfortable doing so.
     
  12. Then.. Again..

    Then.. Again.. OT Supporter

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    i say fuck it, and just talk to people, worst thing they can say is absolutely nothing, which nobody will do. Just talk to anybody, make small conversations, and have fun; you're the one losing if you dont.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I almost agree. The one extremely valuable thing about getting smashed (once) is that it shows you what you are capable of. I admit that it redefined my self-concept in high school when I got drunk for the first time and got to watch myself gregariously hitting on women, making friends, playing to the crowd, etc.

    I suggest you do it once to see what you are like when you are uninhibited. Just slowly work your way into being that comfortable while sober. Don't repeat that first experience: it's unnecessary and leads to alcoholism.

    Also, I would like to add that if you find it totally impossible to get yourself to go to a party, it's not a crime to have a beer or two for nerve. In my opinion, it's better to cheat lightly and go to a party buzzed than to draw an iron line and stay home.
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    True. I guess the principle point I was making is that even if you DO decide to use alcohol to help you through this, it is NOT smart to binge drink. Setting limits and having self control about it is always a good idea. If you can keep it under control, and actively ween yourself off of it, you shouldn't have any major problems. Any other way, and you'll hear yourself saying "Hi my name is ______, and I'm an alcoholic." faster than you can crush a beer can on your forehead.
     

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