SRS Bad friend... advice please

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by nsane, May 13, 2007.

  1. nsane

    nsane New Member

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    Hi,

    I just finished my second year of being a roommate with a friend that I've known since grade school. He never was a great friend on an emotional level, he's really repressed about his feelings and doesn't show much. We're into a lot of the same things so that was the basis of our friendship. Well, after living with this kid for 2 years, I've determined he's a total dick, and here's why...

    Any time anything goes sour with my girlfriend - the smallest of arguments even - and he'll text her / instant message her / call her and lay into me. It's really old and it's been going on for longer than I care to know. He constantly tells her that I'm a terrible person, that he can't believe anyone can put up with me, that she should break up with me. That type of stuff. He takes any and everything he can and bends it against me. I've seen the instant messenger convo's... to me it's really obvious what he's doing. He'll ask her about something she knows she cares about - like did I go to her swim meet. If she says yeah, he doesn't say another word. If she says no, he'll find some way to say that I'm a terrible boyfriend, why would she go out with me, obviously I don't care about her, blah blah blah.

    When he gets drunk, he calls her and says stuff to her, like I'm cheating on her, or that I put on cologne so I must be trying to get some women. Long distance relationships are hard enough - this guy's just throwing so much more crap into it.

    He usually trys to get her to hang out with him alone when he's in town - go see movies, have dinner, that sort of stuff. All of this - and I've lived with him for the last two years. He just thinks I'm oblivious to it all, and he never curbs it. I let him know that the whole calling her and telling her I'm cheating on her was a dick move and he shouldn't do it again, but he continues to talk down about me to her.

    Unfortunately, I don't think his trash talking stops with my girlfriend. Mutual friends have made comments like "That's one of the things he says he can't stand about you..." Wtf... I don't go around talking about him, I don't tell people that he's a bad person or that he's a dick or anything like that. I just keep my cool and try and be mature about it.

    Here's what I've done so far: I'm definitely never going to room with him again, it was a mistake to do it for a second year, and a mistake in the grand scheme of things to room with someone I knew in my first year of college. I've talked to my girlfriend about him, I told her I'm not really comfortable with her talking to him. She avoids talking to him, but I know he still sends her crap about how much he can't stand me, or how weird I apparently am, or whatever.

    I have a feeling he isn't going to stop. Ever. Even though I won't be living with him next year, I'll still see him around at school and we have a lot of mutual friends that I'm not going to abandon. So as much as I'd like to eject him from my life, it's not feasible.

    What should I do about this guy? I feel like no matter what I do to distance myself from him, he's still going to be a dick and talk down about me every chance he gets.
     
  2. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I'd start by throwing him the hell out.

    And I wouldn't worry about it to much afterwards, those sort of people have a way of digging their own grave.

    Best advice I can give, although I would probably have done something stupid.


    edit: Those that talk crap about others to promote themselves rarely carry any real credibility
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

    You know with friends like that, who needs enemies? You seriously need to redefine what the word 'friend' means.

    Would a friend that cared for you really message your gf to say what a dick you are? He's just after your gf, what a great friend that is :hsugh: , you'd be best totally pushing him and any other bad people completely out of your life.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Minimize all contact with him.
     
  5. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Kick his ass. He'll stop.
     
  6. nsane

    nsane New Member

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    Pushing him out of my life won't be a problem... but I don't think that the crap with my girlfriend or the trash talking to other people will stop unless I do something. What can I do to make that stop?
     
  7. nsane

    nsane New Member

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    He owes me some money... it'll go down then I guess. I'm not too confrontational but I'm pretty big so I don't think it'll be too hard, just something I'm not used to.
     
  8. Create

    Create :free at last:

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    Absolutely nothing is the best, and most mature thing you can do.

    It doesn't always work this way when you're in your early 20's, but by time you make the 25-30 gap most people will not value a trash talker at all. People like supportive, positive people. Like most others my age, destructive petty people are quickly cut from my life.

    Pick maybe one person and confide in them what's really going on. Tell this person that you are not one to talk ill of another, but have to to get a second opinion from someone you trust.

    You get the second opinion and if you picked well, someone who'll bodyguard your rep when you're not there to do it youself.
     
  9. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    It's good that you've already talked to your girlfriend about things. I don't think you need to do anything specifically to him aside from possibly sitting him down privately and letting him know how his behaviour affects you. Even if you don't do this, if you give him enough rope, he'll hang himself socially with his own behaviour.

    edit: The trash talk may also decrease when he has less fodder (ie. when you two aren't rooming together).
     
  10. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    jus leave his ass bhind keep it strictly one word hello goodbye that typa thing far as ur gf goes jus keep that communication goin
     

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