Baby's not here yet; Baby momma drama already...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by fourty03, Aug 21, 2009.

  1. fourty03

    fourty03 The quick brown fox couldn't jump over your mother

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    I really need some advice OT...

    I dont want this to turn into a wall of text, but I will do my best here .....

    Im gonna be a daddy! Yeah .!! But not so fast -
    Me and baby momma were a couple for about 4 months, we got pregnant, and
    as soon as she announced it, I stepped up and got her out of her mother's house. (January 2009) She was living there and could not wait to get out....

    I told her to get any apartment within reason ($$), so she picked out a really nice condo. I basically gave her a blank check for the furniture to furnish said condo. For about a month or so - everything was perfect! We enjoyed each other's time, always did things together... always went out --- etc....

    Then about 2 months after moved into our place (we lived together prior and spent every night together since we met) - She moved out. I did not have any indications why or how; whatever went wrong?? (March 2009)

    She left early one saturday morning and I called her late afternoon sometime -
    She didnt answer.. I dont blow her phone up or anything - I txt her --- and left it alone...

    Then about 4 hours after I tried calling her - I get this strange txt message saying "I dont want to be with you anymore"
    So, of course I replied back "Yea right - ur kidden"
    An hour passed by then she called me hysterically crying, saying that her mother is making her break up with me - she did not write that txt from earlier... yada yada yada etc...
    Her mother lied and said she called her own doctor and he instructed to give my (ex)girl one of her mother's prescribed valiums to calm her down.
    Her mother lied and said it was one of her effexor pills or something...

    (*Her mother has a great deal of influence on her - and is in a spot
    to manipulate her with no boundaries... Her mother will say that
    she wont love her anymore and she will never speak to her if she is with
    me)

    So, since March - I've been trying so hard to show my baby's mother that
    I am the one - that she is basically my everything till this day.
    In the months of March, April, May, June and July, and most of August,
    I hardly get to see her or talk to her.
    Her mother pays for her cell phone and blocked every single contact that she
    knew of in her phone that had something to do with me.

    In those months, I tried and tried to make contact with her within reason and not stalking status.. Email, Phone - what ever it takes...
    She has admitted to me that she "sneaks" to see me ... Like this shit is
    middle / high school.

    I am 24 and she is 21.

    I've only been to 2 *TWO* damn doctor's appt's for my son. I really want to
    go to every single one. I've told her and made it really clear. I even offered to pay cash - I told her whatever she wants me to do; just let me go.
    Her mother goes instead. She had also admitted to me that her mother does not want me to even see my son when he is born or ever for that matter.

    I told my baby's momma that US, together - me and you made this child - what right does she have doing this ?

    Now since my baby's momma has been under her mother's thumb for months with no intervention or anyone stopping the manipulation what so ever, she
    has really brainwashed her...
    Baby momma really thought for a while; her self also felt the same way about our son not even knowing that I exist.

    When we first announced the pregnancy, she told me that she would never keep my son away from me. - ever... I guess that was the honeymoon phase of our relationship talking.

    I really want to be there for my son.. I told her, I want to be there when he is born. I want to see his first step - show him how to ride a bike, play catch, hear his first word... etc...

    I was fortunate enough to grow up in a household with a mother and father together - I wanted my son to experience that as well.

    I never cheated on her, never disrespected or raised my hand at her, I am always polite to her family.
    I have two nephews and they look to me as their father. EVERYONE that I know that has a kid has me listed as an emergency contact.
    She sees how great I am with other children... and acknowledged that I will be a great father.

    Her mother now wants to move to Rhode Island, and she also wants to go - that is about 450 miles... She thinks that moving away with mommy is going to solve everything...

    She finally contacted me the other day; Tues. and earlier (Thursday) we both went out together and had dinner (about 2:00 am !! lolz) and I also bought her groceries.

    We got into an argument a little while ago because she cannot except the fact that I am upset about her *maybe* moving to Rhode Island from Virginia.
    She thinks that I want to hold her back - not for the baby but for my own "selfish ways"

    Its really fucked up - the first doctor's appt was set up by her mother,
    I was given the wrong address and doctor's name by her mother. So I "missed" the first appt. I was lucky enough to hear the doctor to tell us the sex and watch them do a sonogram.

    I have a feeling that when my child is born, I will not be called - I wont be
    able to witness one of the most important events in my life...
    I ask her and never get a straight answer and only leads into an argument
    - I will ask - Will I be there? Do you want me to be there?

    Also, I would ask "Can our son, you and I go home together?"

    Shit like that and it's just a never ending cycle of her *thinking* she answered it and her saying "God - do you have to start!?"

    I got my son so much stuff and gave it to her to show her mother that I am not a dead beat - I give her everything I get for our son.
    I have already missed out on what other father's get to experience.

    I have not done anything wrong to her or her mother - I think her mother
    is jealous because I proved I can take care of her daughter, I treat her
    very well, I even picked up an extra job so she didnt have to work.
    I always cooked her breakfast in bed on most days, did all the house
    work.. etc... she had it made...lol

    Her reasoning contacting me is that she thinks she is being a little
    unfair

    So, OT, any advice ?
    I can't take this shit anymore - I do not have any rights
    as a father before the baby is born.. Also, in my travels, I found
    that custody battles usually favor the mother unless I can prove she
    is unfit.


    ,
    Thanks!

    Sorry about the wall of text - shit is complicated
     
  2. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    damn, that really sucks.

    for once [:rolleyes: i know, it happens more often than that] the guy is doing the right thing and being there for the mom and the baby, and he gets shit on by the grandma.

    i'm not exactly sure what you can do in this situation. :(

    you two had been together for 4 months prior to the pregnancy. i can guarantee you that your ex gf's mom is taking out her anger/frustrations on you. no parent wants to hear their child is expecting a kid when they're 21 and in a new relationship.

    it seems as though you're doing well for yourself. you mentioned [quite a few times] that you're financially capable of providing for the baby's momma in addition to the child, so :bigthumb: to you.

    if i were you, i'd try to set up a meeting with your ex gf's mom. lay everything out on the line and be open and honest with her regarding the situation. tell her that while the pregancy was not planned, you fully intend to take care of her daughter and your son.

    if grandma is not adult enough to let you get that far... :( let the dust settle for a little while and try again. i agree it's not fair to you to keep you from the baby, but i'm not exactly sure what your legal rights are at this point in time.

    edit... when exactly is she due? :o i just did a rough calculation in my head, and if i'm right, she may be due in september/october-ish?
     
  3. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    you sound very nice and sweet:hs:
    This would be my advice too, and also trying to talk to HER and figure out what exactly is wrong here.

    My question is though, why is her mother doing this? Does she have any particular reason you think (other than jealousy which does not make sense to me!)?
     
  4. fourty03

    fourty03 The quick brown fox couldn't jump over your mother

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Thanks for the response :)

    Yep - you're right - the due date from the last I was told is September 26th.
    She is 36 weeks or so ..


    I would say I am financially capable of supporting her and my son and also
    live somewhat comfortably.

    I have already tried multiple times to get her mother's (grandma's) attention and she will not budge.

    As soon as she announced it, I told her whole family that I WILL take care
    of our child; no matter what! I will never abandon her or my son for that matter.

    It's really complicated because of her mother. I know deep down that she wants to be with me. I know we are both young - and will be for some time. It only takes that one time - I have been careful for over 10 years to not have a child and just carelessly did the deed - :hs:

    It's now to a point where the grandmother's wishes are becoming her own, At first, her (baby momma) and I blamed it on the hormones...

    At first, I was calling her everyday after this happened in Feb.. Then my numbers got blocked. Some how my ex logged onto my google voice account and forwarded some numbers to bypass the block so we could talk and txt each other... We did this on and off around April and May

    Then all of the sudden she told me to leave her alone and I was a piece of shit... basically every name in the book..

    Before she left in Feb - I was gonna enlist in the Army. I always wanted to enlist, and she was the only person in my life to actually support something like that.

    I proposed to her and she said yes... then I had her come down with me while I was about to sign my contract. Right before my pen hit that signature line she told me she could not marry me- then started to down me like a dog like I cheated on her or actually hit her ...

    She said some hurtful things and the shit got to me. So, I respected her wished and I still made contact. Sometimes she would return my calls or emails and sometimes she would just flat out ignore me for weeks.

    Her mother is very scared of any confrontation what so ever. Many times in the past I was the shoulder *grandma* cried on..

    I just dont know what to do anymore ... Baby momma tells me these things such as moving away or whatever will make her happy. I am all for her being happy and doing whats right - even if she is not with me - but not when it will affect me and my son's relationship.


    I am afraid I will be more close to my nephews and other children, more than I will be with my own son - which is what really stabs me in the back.

    Its just sad though - without the mother element there to manipulate her, we would be fine ! Its not like I am a bad looking guy - or I am skinny - bad person ... whatever - I always treated her as she was the only girl in the room... It just surprises me and I am shocked by the way this shit is going down.. I do not deserve to be treated like this and I earned/ earning the privileged to be a father... shit is bullshit
     
  5. fourty03

    fourty03 The quick brown fox couldn't jump over your mother

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    Her mother is going through a nasty divorce.

    Since her seperation - she has been seeking a man \ boyfriend.. .etc
    None of them treat her right and only wanna have sex with her and use her money I suppose.

    Me and baby momma; she even says how she was envy of how I treated her...

    I mean, none of those guys she dates wont cook her dinner or give flowers for no reason at all...

    She is now (by reconmendation of a phsych) looking for men online to
    "boost her confidence" and she tried that same bullshit with my ex...
    Bought the both of them an Eharmony account - You can tell what and how someone writes - lol... it was so obvious her mother wrote it -

    When that transpired - baby momma basically said she's wasting her money
    for purchasing it on her behalf...


    I've loaned this woman money before - bought her groceries ... etc
    She makes 6 digits a year - so it's not like she is broke.
    I also (out of good faith) told her to save her measly $160 a month
    and not hire a cleaning company to clean her house - I cleaned it and
    did a better job than the cleaning people.

    Im not lazy - I dont curse around her - I just cannot figure out her problem.
    She will not face me -

    She turned her whole family against me .. I mean, this may sound far fetched but in feb. , when she gave my ex a couple valiums, lied and said they were something else. ..
    I told her in a very polite way - what I was told from her daughter and some other personal reservations; how I felt about the lies about me ....

    She then emailed me back and edited the quoted portion and send the others to everyone in her family ... Things about how I sell drugs, how I commit tax fraud, how I abused my baby momma, and how I have a lengthy criminal record.!
    LULZ!!

    None of that shit is true... But hey... what can I say ? I was the "new boy" as she called me for months (and her daughter is not a hoe either - I am her 2nd serious "boyfriend"... )
     
  6. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2005
    Messages:
    124,890
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Kc
    why does mommy hate you ? besides knocking up her precious daughter
     
  7. fourty03

    fourty03 The quick brown fox couldn't jump over your mother

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2008
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Baltimore, MD
    I dont really know ?! That is the mystery...

    I keep thinking she is jealous of her own daughter... We both caught her mother writing emails that said some bad things about her own daughter..

    Everytime I ask baby momma "why does your mother all of the sudden not like me"?

    She tells me "Well she really never did" and what not --- and she dogdes the question - and then we argue because she thinks "I'm starting" or picking a fight just to argue...

    I believe she knows why - or maybe baby momma lied to her about me to justify something ? I really don't know why...

    Her mother is very scared of any type of confrontations.. I have a better chance of bringing ice water to hell than to get a one - on - one with the grandma...

    It's really odd how I so very well like by pretty much anyone I meet... I go out and beyond to help others - I run through walls; bend over backwards to help someone ... etc... I just dont get it --
    Usually, I try to make sense out of any thought or idea I may have ... logically perhaps... So when I think of the reasons why she does not like me, I can only come up with two scenerioes...

    She jelous of how well I treat her daughter and she figures "well, if I can get someone to treat me as good as my daughter gets treated... "

    Or someone has lied on me and said something that isnt true - Like an expample: "Well - he hits her " or "He stole that from you"

    Seriously. I feel like I have stolen from her something so awful to be forcibly casted away from my own damn son...



    Thanks for the responses! It really helps to get this shit out after months ... I dont tell my family or friends because I believe some harm may come her mother's way if I did that - I cannot have that happening nor do I want that
    to happen.

    I have really good friends and some family that know the real me and know all this shit is bullshit - I told baby momma a long time ago that if my mother
    was here today, the kid bullshit games would have stopped before it even happened....
     
  8. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2008
    Messages:
    20,930
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    :hug:

    No advice from me cause I honestly don't know how to say something w/o trolling.

    GL mate
     
  9. Ferrari430

    Ferrari430 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2007
    Messages:
    666
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    A direct confrontation is not possible? It seems as though you have exhausted all your other options and all that is left to do now is to go right up to the grandma's doorstep and sort things out.

    Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out in the end and wish you the best of luck
     
  10. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Messages:
    6,540
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa
    There's only so much you can do up until the baby is born, instead of thinking what you can do now.. focus on the future and what legal action should be taken.
     
  11. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    I don't even know if this is something that is possible. But write in to a local newspaper with a well written note about your frustration of your kid basically being stolen from you. Do it from the angle of it's lame how fathers rights mean jack shit or something, don't name names though.

    I suggest this because as soon as this baby is born they're going to go to the Judge to set up child support and say "Well he wasn't there for us at all during the 9 months... he'd contact us once in a blue moon" or some shit. Then you're fucked.

    You need to somehow document your struggle here (other then this thread) so that when the baby is born you actually have a leg to stand on to fight for your child.



    I also recommend a DNA test :dunno:
     
  12. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2004
    Messages:
    13,491
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PINKBOW
    If it is your child you have every right to see the child.. if it comes DOWN to it.. take it to court make your point. Make sure the snot is clean from your nose.

    Line your ducks in a nice little row.


    BTW.. I did not read your post.. I need cliffs because usually a wall of text is full of emotion not just the facts.
     
  13. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2007
    Messages:
    29,840
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Random Location.FL
    Daughters follow in their mother's footsteps evenmore so than son's to their fathers.

    If it were me I'd thank my lucky stars, get a signed notorized statement that you hold no liability for this child and also would have doccumented proof of everything you've tried thus far and then say peace out to the whole ordeal.
     
  14. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    you need to get a DNA test and start saving up for a really really good lawyer.
     
  15. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    971
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern NJ
    I'd probably kill someone if i had a child on the way and they didn't allow me to take care of my SO or my unborn child... Keep at it, document everything, speak to a lawyer... This way when shit hits the fan you have everything... Good luck man, i hope this works out cause i know i would not be as calm as you...
     
  16. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    and do this and when she comes crawling back to you begging you to help her..make her sign all of her rights to the baby away to you.
     
  17. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Messages:
    6,540
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa
    You should slit her mother's throat.
     
  18. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    too obvious, some sort of subtle poisoning that builds up in her system over time...



    supposedly my next door neighbor was putting something into his wifes coffee every morning and she was turning pale and gaut and shrinking over a 6 month period :rofl::ugh:
     
  19. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    6,484
    Likes Received:
    1
    Wow.

    My brother was a dad at 16/17 (baby mama was 19) and baby mama didn't want anything to do with my brother until her 3 friends who also just had babies started talking about the deadbeat dads and she realized my brother wanted everything to do with his baby (he was making financial contributions, wanted to go to the dr appts, etc).

    Luckily his baby mama called him when she went into labor. I hope you can convince her to call you /let you be there.

    Just some info: bro's baby mama filed with the court for child support which also forced her to give him some custody. Custody was every other Sat and every Sunday (she worked Sundays). Shitty custody but at least he got something out of it.

    His baby mama decided after about 6 months that he was a great father and they got an apartment together. Her step mom didn't want her to move out but she was a little :nuts: and baby mama had enough of her. They got married when their daughter was 3ish and have a son now too. They both fought to make the relationship work based on the kids and they've discovered they're not the best match for each other and are going through a divorce now.

    and all of this
     
  20. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Messages:
    62,453
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Durty Durty ATL Niggah

    :rofl::rofl::rofl: :rofl::rofl::rofl: :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    what the fuck is wrong with you?
     
  21. Ev0lv3

    Ev0lv3 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2006
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do you know for a fact that its her mother that is behind all of this?

    Remember, women are very very good at what they do, and they'll play mind games whenever they need/want/have to.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    treat her like a queen, and you will be treated like a servant

    treat her mean to keep her keen
     
  23. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    4,945
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Frozen Bowels of HELL
    This ^^^^^
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2009
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX

    :mamoru:
     
  25. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,777
    Likes Received:
    518
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    1. Bullshit her mother is running her life. She's 21 years old. No way that I buy that she's letting her mother lord over her let that. Her mom might be manipulative, but you know what? She's a grown ass woman and can do whatever she pleases. So, I call bullshit on that. Step 1: stop blaming her mother.

    2. You are a doormat. Step 2: Stop being a doormat, stop giving her money, stop buying her groceries and being her little call boy whenever she wants you.

    3. Step 3: Get a paternity test done on the child to see if it's even yours.

    4. Step 4: IF you are the father (for some reason i'm finding that hard to believe), you have visitation rights to the child. You also have the right to keep her from moving away if you can convince the judge that it's the best interest of the child (tough to do). But in any case, you still have visitation rights to that child. And if she's moving away, she has a responsibility to get that child to you on a court ordered schedule.

    So to sum up:

    1. Bullshit on the mom excuse.
    2. Stop being a doormat
    3. Get a paternity test
    4. Get a lawyer
     

Share This Page