SRS Baby Blues

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by HalieR, Oct 5, 2005.

  1. HalieR

    HalieR New Member

    Sep 14, 2002
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    I'm 23 years old, happily engaged and holding a stable job. This year my fiance and I purchased our first house. We are both covered by excellent insurance plans. And my part-time schedule allows me the flexibility to take care of things at home, while still contributing to our household income.

    For the past four years, I have wanted a child. What caused these feelings to first appear I'm not sure. What I do know is that in the past year and half the desire to have a baby has increased ten-fold. I talk regularly about getting pregnant and having children. I frequently watch TLC's "Baby Story" and Discovery's "Birth Day." I can spot a pregnant woman from hundreds of feet away (I refer to this as my pregnant radar).

    Even though I know that I'm on birth control and can't conceive because of it, I still secretly wish that my birth control will fail and I'll become pregnant. I then usually end up in tears on the toilet when my period starts.

    It is such a strong desire in me that I find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people who find themselves pregnant. When my co-worker announced two months ago that she was expecting, I bit my lip for the rest of the meeting and then cried the whole way home (and then some more). Tonight, I received an invitation to a college buddy's baby shower next month. I ended up crying, again, feeling frustrated and angry.

    We've tried to fulfill my desire somehow. In May, we adopted a three-month old kitten and while that served as a temporary bandaid, it didn't do the trick and now I'm pushing for another kitten. I know it's not because I want another kitten, necessarily, but a child.

    You see, my fiance doesn't want a baby...yet. He says that maybe in 3-4 years "we'll" be ready to have children. His reasons for waiting are valid. He wants to be married first. He wants to feel somewhat more financially secure. He is nervous about what it will really be like.

    I respect his wishes and I would NEVER trick him by not taking my birthcontrol and saying I was, but I cry just thinking about having to wait another 3-4 years. What if there are fertility issues that need to be addressed? What if by then, I just don't have the desire to have children anymore?

    I'm frustrated and angry all the time about this. When I hear that someone else is pregnant, I can't help but mope that it's "not fair" - especially when that someone is my college buddy.

    I'm so sick of hearing that I'm too young. Well, I don't want to wait until I'm 33, like the rest of the world, to start having kids. I want to be a young mother. I want to be open to getting down on the floor and playing with my children. I don't know how I'm going to cope with these feelings if I have to wait for 3-4 years. Every day, I start to resent my fiance a little bit because "he's not ready." I hate that feeling. I hate hating other people for being pregnant, but I do.

    I feel like I'm going crazy and that there's no one out there that cares. What do I do?
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

    Jan 11, 2002
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    Sounds like this may be a deal breaker between you and your boyfriend. Your biological clock went off early and it is kicking your ass. There are few stronger desires than the desire to reproduce.

    Your needs seem pretty clear: Marriage soon, baby soon after that. He wants 3-4 years. You clearly can't wait that long. At some point you'll have to accept that, communicate it, and deal with the consequences.

    Are there other emotional issues in your life, that are contributing to your baby craze? Everything okay in other areas? Childhood okay? Any history of mental illness, abuse, etc?
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Mar 4, 2005
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    Sounds like he's just asking you to wait till you're 26-27 right? That's not old.
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Although the urge is big i advice you to wait , children cost a lot of money, and you two aren't even married yet. My mom got children at a normal but fairly young age, financially it was quite a struggle and my mom and dad never got to do the things they loved to do , unlike my uncle and aunt. They enjoyed their lives to way up to 34 years old before they decided to get children , because with the money you have left you can secure your financial situation, you will have money left to travel to all the places in the world that you want to see. Plus you will have the money to arrange a beautifull marriage. And if you first enjoy your life you can still at a later age always have children.

    So here's the deal just wait like your bf asks you to do, its logically the best thing to do , you don't want a child and your bf running away as a result of that letting you end up as one of those many single mothers with child :sad2: , that will be a nasty world for you to live in. Look there's a golden future lying ahead for you. The urge is now but the oppertunity for a wonderfull life lies in the future,please wait until your bf is ready and don't throw your future in the wind for an 'urge' of your body to get children. The body doesn't know what is good for you, it is to you to make choises that will benefit you the most. A child will only get in the way at this time in your life. Your bf is right so wait.
  5. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

    Dec 29, 2004
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    Damn, atleast wait until you are married. It makes sense to me...

    You seem a bit emotionally unstable to have children at this point anyhow...
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

    Nov 4, 2003
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    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    NEVER trick him into having a baby. You will end up resenting him, he will resent you, and yes, believe it, ultimately you will end up resenting the baby.

    Yes, even though you LOVE the baby, EVERYONE who does this cannot help but fall into the trap of thinking...oh if it weren't for this baby, things would still be fine.

    It's not the baby's fault. It's not his fault. IT'S YOUR FAULT.

    You know, despite the fact that you really really really really really want a baby, you don't sound ready enough, nor stable enough, nor mature enough to do it.

    You would probably love that baby and want what's best for it, wouldn't you?

    Then you should want a stable home, a confident and caring mother, a loving and present (not emotionally distant) father.

    Honestly, and this is no disrespect to you, but you could use a few hours with a family therapist. Think of it as a few hours talking with a trusted family friend who REALLY understands the issues.

    Please go. For your own health and happiness. And for your future baby.
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Very very true words here!
    I completely understand your wanting a baby so badly (honestly, I do) and not being able to have one. Your fiance is smart to wait until everything is settled before thinking of bringing a child into the relationship. :) I wouldn't take it as him not wanting kids (since you said he said you two could have one in a couple of years), but him wanting the best for his children.

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